Fear, and torture

I don't think I'd do well with being water boarded.


First off, I don't care for being upside down. I have low blood pressure, and when I'm upside down the blood pools in my head and makes my eyeballs hurt. I learned this in my early 20's when a fellow I was dating offered to let me see what his fall arrest harness felt like. He hung me from the garage roof ... and then he and his friends went for a beer. At some point of trying to get out, I flipped upside down. I couldn't get myself flipped back upright, so I hung there for a while. I was very upset when they came finally came back.


I am also disturbed by the thought of drowning. I do not say afraid because I enjoy water sports; fear of drowning while swimming, kayaking, or diving does not enter my head. I have always thought, however, that drowning would be one of the least pleasant ways to die.


When I was young, I almost drowned. I was doing underwater summersaults in water that was much too shallow, and got stuck. Upside down. With my head and shoulders wedged up against something. I was afraid, but it was a totally different kind of fear than the panicked terror I felt when I found the tarantula. Drowning was a calmer fear, if that makes sense, more of an "I am going to die, but I'm really not ready to; I really don't want to. Wonder what I can do about this?"  
Where as the tarantula fear was more of an "OHDEARGODTHAT'SABIGSPIDER.REALLYBIGSPIDERreallybigspider...ANDITSFRACKINGMOVING ...awesome ... whimper ...".
Drowning (almost) wasn't like that.  I was gasping and puking when I finally fought loose and got upright, but I never felt irrational, I never felt hysteria.


S and I had a conversation about the nature of fear.  (and may I add, props to the guy for taking it totally in stride when I come out with, apropos of nothing "I don't think I'd do well with being water boarded").  He likened the "rational" fear to going into shock when faced with a serious injury - your brain shuts down all but what it "has to" do to survive.  Where as he guesses that somewhere my brain "knew" that the odds of the tarantula being the deadly kind were slim (and it wasn't, it was a male desert blonde tarantula, about as dangerous as a wasp sting), so my survival instincts didn't kick in, and I was free to freak out.


So I am not sure which fear would kick in if I were being water boarded (not that its likely, but still ...) and I really don't care to find out.


Welcome to how my mind sometimes wanders ...

Man Candy Monday ...

Been quite a while since I did one of these, a gratuitous beefcake post, but is is dreary and depressing outside.  I need a silly grin.  Besides that, I just discovered this actor (thank you, Criminal Minds!).  I need to rent Apaloosa this weekend :o)

Folks, I give you Timothy V Murphy, aka Ian Doyle from Criminal Minds, or Vince from Apaloosa, or ... you get the idea.

There's just something about those eyes ...  I saw him described somewhere as an older, grittier version of Viggo Mortensen, with a touch of Ed Harris.  Whatever it is ... it works :o)

The O Magazine Meme ...

My health coach and I are at the stage of my program where we start long term planning and goal setting, life planning, etc (eg: she is getting ready to kick me out of the nest).  So I am thinking about life. 

In addition, she has gently encouraged me to spend more time in the creative process, whether that is writing, jewellery making, sewing, whatever.

Conveniently, I opened the current issue of O Magazine, and found this great article:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-20-Questions-That-Could-Change-Your-Life_1 

So, randomly, over the next little while, when I have no other topic burning a hole in my head, I will be answering the questions posed in the article.  Go have a look, and think about your own answers.  Anyone who wishes is welcome to play along, either on your own blogs or in the comments section here.

Sleep Deprivation, and the endless post

20:35

Hey folks.  Tomorrow I go for my "Sleep Deprived EEG" to try to find out what is going on with my brain.  I don't remember what I have told you before, and I am too lazy to go look, so briefly, the current theory is that I have scar tissue on my brain from repeated concussions, and that is interferring with signals that affect balance, fine motor control (the swallowing issue) and memory.

I woke up at 0600 this morning, and forgot to have a nap this afternoon, and I am not allowed to sleep tonight, so by the time the test is over I will have been awake for about 28 hours straight.  A friend is driving me to and from the hospital, so no worries there. 

In an effort to stay awake tonight, I will be coming back here to purge my brain from time to time.  Instead of creating new posts, I will likely just "stream of conciousness" here (unless I have a stunning idea that deserves its own post) ... so forgive me if I get a little odd!

Midnight ...

So my friend, her hubs, and kids have gone to bed.  It's just me, 2 dogs and a cat awake (gee, this feels strangely like home!).

I was getting a little sleepy, but seem to have hit my second wind.  I have the TV on low in the background, and here I am writing.  And I just discovered that Restrepo is on the National Geographic Channel in an hour - Yay!  There is currently a show on called "Inside: Afghan Marine Base".  Thery are currently showing an IED disposal team ... this might not be the best thing to watch while mentally compromised.

I am trying not to borrow trouble about what tomorrow might bring.  I have done a bit of research on what the neurologist thinks is going on, what he is looking for tomorrow.  Basically, he thinks I have had too many concussions, and that there is scar tissue in my brain causing some "short circuits".

If that is what it is, then there are a couple of causes for concern - one, there is no way to make it better, and two, it will get worse over time, based on our current medical knowledge.

Awesome.

For info on what I am on about, please see this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_traumatic_encephalopathy

I'll check in again later.

00:27
Oh, the guys on TV just did a textbook BIP (Blow In Place) of a 65 KG pressure plated IED.  Beautiful in HD ... from the safety of my friend's sofa, knowing through the magic of TV that no one was hurt, and knowing that all "my" peeps are currently safe ...

01:30
Watching Restrepo all by yourself in a strange house when you've been awake for 19 hours and have naught but a snoring Golden Retriever for company, not such a great idea.  Especially with surround sound ... so when you are kinda vegging out, a soldier clears his throat BEHIND YOU ...

02:40
Being the only one awake is kinda lonely.  Except for the above mentioned snoring dog.  Oh, and I really, really should stay off e-bay, and the Harley Davidson site, in this state of mind.

Sebastian is, hopefully, sound asleep right now, but when he wakes he is back in greens, and mostly happy to be so.  He is not fond of what he is doing for a "job" right now, but he is still in the mind set where anything that is not hiking and looking for IEDs and bad guys is no fun.  Interestingly, I had my MRI the day he flew back to Canada, and I am having my EEG on his first day back at the regiment.

03:08
I'm guessing that starting to fantasize about the test being over, so i can come back here and close my eyes and get some sleep, is a bad sign, since I have 4 more hours before anyone else here is awake ... and likely close to 7 more hours before I can actually rack out.

04:13
Well, I am awake again.  Very odd message on a friend's FaceBook page just now, a plea for help, but he doesn't know where he is; and the language is very out of charachter ... either someone has hacked his account (my preferred option); he is very, very drunk (also out of charachter) or he is actually in trouble, and either drunk or drugged.

Whatever is going on, all thoughts of sleep have now left me again.

04:38
That little rally didn't last long.  Fighting the sleep demons again

more random trivia ...

So often, the darling Coffeypot asks a simple question, that turns into an entire post ... This question was from a while ago.  Here are some explanations of phrases you will see me use here from time to time:


CHIMO

The Canadian Military Engineer's greeting, toast and battlecry is "CHIMO" - pronounced CHEE-mo. This expression is also often used as a closing on correspondence between Engineers. When two Inuit meet on the Arctic tundra, each rubs his chest in a circular motion and says "Chimo" ("Are you friendly"). The answer is a repeat of the gesture and the word "Chimo"! ("Yes, I am friendly"). The current spelling and pronunciation is based on a Caucasian adaptation of the Inuktitut native language of northern Canada. The greeting was introduced during the time of unification to create a common tradition to the CME. The corps was also heavy involved with the development of Canada's North at the time.


PRO PATRIA


Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori is a line from the Roman lyrical poet Horace's Odes (III.2.13). The line can be roughly translated into English as: "It is sweet and fitting to die for one's country."  Thusly, Pro Patria is "For (one's) country.


"Pro Patria" is inscribed on the collar insignia of the Royal Canadian Regiment


VIGILAMUS PRO TE


We Stand On Guard For Thee  (From our national anthem, for the non-Canadians in the crowd.)
Motto of the Canadian Forces Land Command (aka "The Army").


Tap and Drink


Tap of the Glass on the table after a toast to honour comrades no longer with us.

Je me souviens

"I will remember", or "I remember", in French.  The motto of the Valcartier/Quebec City/Laval/St Hyacinthe based Royal 22e Régiment, who are also known as "The Van Doos", an english bastardization of "vingt-deux", the french word for 22.

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Through adversity to the stars, the motto of the Canadian Forces Air Command.  Comes, reportedly, from a book called "People of the Mists" written by Sir Henry Rider Haggard:

"To his right were two stately gates of iron fantastically wrought, supported by stone pillars on whose summit stood griffins of black marble embracing coats of arms and banners inscribed with the device 'Per Ardua ad Astra'".

The translation from Latin is open for debate among people with nothing better to do scholars, but for the purposes of the CF it remains " Through adversity to the stars"

Nowhere ...

Some people keep a note book and a pencil beside their bed for making notes.  I keep my smart phone, and, it seems, e-mail myself.  I checked my e-mail the other morning and found this, that I had e-mailed myself from my phone around 3 am, and then forgotten all about:

She said she felt like she was going nowhere

She put her head on my shoulder and cried
I said that I would gladly go nowhere
At her side

I was sorely tempted to edit it to fix the cadence of the last line, but instead I offer it the way my sleeping brain created it.


If this is my intuition trying to communicate with me, I think we need to work on our communication styles, because I have no idea what it is supposed to mean. After I saw the e-mail I kind of remembered doing it, and remembered at the time I thought it was really, really important I remember it.

Morning writing ...

So the whole writing in the morning before I have been exposed to outside influences that might distract me from my inner voice ... that might be a challenge.

When I woke up, I needed to go pee.  Of course, the dogs heard me when I got up, so then they needed to go out.  The Moose has had a parasite, so when she needs to go out, she needs to go out.  Right then.  I got dressed and took them out.  When I came back, I found 2 piles of poo on the dining room floor from the Moose.  I cleaned those up, and then went to the grocery store to get a different kind of dog food to settle her stomach.  Of course, I bumped into someone I knew there who wanted to talk.  So we talked.

I got home, fed the dogs, got some juice, and sat down to write, got about 2/3 of one page done ... and my room mate pinged me on MSN (I know, my fault for turning it on, but ...).  Then Sebastian came on line, we MSN'd for a while, then we both installed Skype (never saw the point when MSN Video was working).  Skype worked a bit better than MSN messenger; he could hear me fine, but I couldn't hear him, he still had to type.  We Skyped for 2.5 hours .... and now I think it doesn't count as early morning pages, and between various people, reading the news on-line while chatting (yes, we read the news together), the teenagers playing Mario and swearing at each other in the living room ... ya, I think I have had my share of outside influences this morning.

So for tomorrow, I have put my book and a pen right beside my bed ... and I am going to try to write before I get up to pee, and all things furry demand attention.

Yes, my body is defective, and many of the things I choose to do carry the risk of getting hurt; I choose not to hide away, and to live anyway.



Yes, my heart is open, some say too open, and there are many people in the world who might hurt me; I choose not to hide away, but to love anyway.
 
I will live the way I need to, and be true to myself, with no regrets at the end of the road.  I would prefer to be hurt than to always wonder what if, or think if only.
 
I will not live my life in fear, but will celebrate the opportunities presented, hang on, and enjoy the ride.

No Longer an E-Bay Virgin ...

Yes, I finally gave in and made my first e-bay purchases.

I have a regular at the legion where I bar tend who is an e-bay addict, and he has been "coaching" me on the finer points of getting bargains and staying safe.  So I finally broke down last week and bid on a few things, of which I got 4 ~ spending a whole $27.42, including shipping.  I am such a wild child.

What did I buy?  Oh come on, you know me by now ~ I bought rocks, and glass beads, for jewellery making :-)  .

Considering the Pandora brand-name glass beads cost $40 a piece, and I got 3 galss beads and 10 rock beads for my $27.42, I think I did OK.  Adding to the coolness factor, for me, is that the shop where I got the glass beads is ran by an American Mil Spouse.  Task Force Home Front!!

I am just hoping they fit on 550 Para Cord.  :-)

I was looking for a t-shirt for Sebastian as well.  There is a t-shirt from the good folks over at Ranger Up, who I quite like.  There are, however, 2 problems: 1) the t-shirt I want is currently out of stock and 2) the t-shirt is on sale for $13, but shipping to Canada is $19 on top of that ... not that the boy isn;t worth it, but it bugs me when the shipping is more than the item!  I have not yet been able to find it anywhere cheaper.

The t-shirt?   See for yourself:

I think he would like it.

A Game of Thrones ... and a pitter patter of my ♥

The teaser is up on HBO'c US web site for the A GAME OF THRONES pilot.

Sean Bean, who I have a bit of a crush on, is playing Eddard Stark.  I don't know what it is about the man I find attractive, but I sure do enjoy looking at him.

So, for my own benefit, and for anyone who agrees with me, some eye candy, and some aGoT warm ups:

For those of you who don't know, A Game of Thrones is the first book in the Song of Fire and Ice series written by George R R Martin.

Chivalry isn't dead ...

... its just kinda confused.

In my grandparent's day, when a couple were walking down the street, the man walked on the outside to keep the woman from getting splashed with mud from passing cars.  In later generations, the man walked on the outside to protect the woman from getting grabbed and pulled into a passing car.  Unless you are in an area where the woman might get grabbed by someone in an alley, in which case the man should walk onthe inside.  Except the "alley" neighbourhoods and the "grabbed into a car" neighbourhoods might be the same neighbourhoods.

Of course, in the middle east, the woman walks in front so she can clear the land mines ....

*sigh*

This was prompted by a male friend of mine asking me the other day, while we were walking in a city, "which side of you am I supposed to walk on"?  The look on his face would have been comical if he had not been so earnest.

From that thought, flows this:

I find it kinda sad that we live in a time where, if you are somewhere with a man you don't know well, he feels obliged to ask, cautiously, "Is it OK if I hold the door for you?"

I have never been described as a feminist.  Castrating bitch occasionally, and every now and again I get called a "Dyke", but never a feminist.  :-)

And I don't mind if a man holds the door for me.  I will, of course, hold a door for another human who is behind me, regardless of their gender.  I believe this is called "common courtesy".

I don't think women are inferior OR superior to men; but we are different.

As I have mentioned before, I hunt, I cut down trees, I trap shoot ... and I sew, and bake, and cook, and like to look and feel pretty.  I like it when my man "claims me" in little ways in public, makes sure the other males know I am taken, and he will look out for me; makes me feel safe, protected ... but not when he treats me like I am incapeable of looking after myself.  (Yes, I realize this makes things hard on a date).

I have friends who have chosen to stay out of the paid workforce while their children are young, and stay home and run the household and raise the kids.  I don't think this makes them weak, a chattel, or dis-empowers them.  You would only have to know most of these women for 5 minutes to agree with me!  I think that people who tell them they have "sacrificed" or given something up by making their choice are the ones seeking to take power away from them, their power to choose their own life path.

Seriously, when we as women can't even agree on what is "correct", can we blame the poor man who is so confused by what he is "supposed to do", that he is paralysed by his fear of doing the wrong thing, so does nothing at all?

Dragon Dreams

I have long had a problem with insomnia, so I have a selection of meditation CDs that I use to fall asleep at night.  Often when I am in the half awake ~ half asleep state I have lucid dreams which help me process the days events or give me guidance.  Sometimes I even hear very specific messages, which have so far turned out to be accurate.

When I was a child, these things scared me, (I had accurately predicted the deaths of some people I loved, and some pets) and I blocked them out, but I am now more mature, and I am inviting them back into my life.  I have also learned the "feel" of the lucid dreams/messages vs. the random wanderings of my subconscious and my imagination.

Often the lucid dreams are very clear and blunt; either spoken sentences, dates, etc., or at least messages of reassurance.  While meditating a few weeks ago on the situation with Sebastian, what to do, etc., I got the very clear message "We're gonna be OK".

Sometimes, though, the lucid dreams are just plain weird.

Last night I dreamed of white dragons.  White dragons made of paper, long serpentine Chinese style dragons, and they were mouthing at my forearms.  Not biting, really, just mouthing at me, like a black lab that wants to play will put its mouth around you and "chew" a bit.  A soft bite dragon??

It had the feel of a lucid dream, but certainly wasn't as clear or as blunt as I have gotten used to lately.  I have tried looking up white dragons, and learned that to the Chinese the symbolize the west and death (we're gonna ignore that one), but most sites are a variation of this theme:

To dream of a dragon, denotes that you allow yourself to be governed by your passions, and that you are likely to place yourself in the power of your enemies through those outbursts of sardonic tendencies. You should be warned by this dream to cultivate self-control.

from http://www.paranormality.com/dream_dictionary_d.shtml

I am not sure what message I am to take from this.  This interpretation isn't ringing very true for me, not speaking to me the way things often do when I look them up.

Maybe it was just a dream.

Maybe it was the Moroccan Stew, and the entirely too much coffee with Kahlua and Coconut Rum.

Please pardon the service interruption ...

hings have been crazy this last week and a half ... personally ... professionally ...

But I think I am seeing the light, and certainly have plenty of blog fodder!  Stay tuned for future ramblings, my precious friends, including:

~ on civilian dating, aka trying not to be a shack rat / tag chaser (a black comedy, in which your author fails miserably)
~ observances regarding testosterone poisoning
~ the cathartic value of setting stuff on fire
~ the ecological value of Prescribed Burning
~ the Biophilia Hypothesis
~ the final part of the She saga, which I never brought up to date for y'all
~ my official acceptance, and pass on of the "Honest Scrap" award (Thanks, Esphixiet ! )
~ likely another rant on operational security, over-sharing, and the internet

I will leave you for now with a video from last week; I can't believe sometimes they actually pay me to do this stuff:

I dare you not to smile ....

Go check out this post on Pioneer Woman's Photography Site .  If you don't smile, please have someone check to make sure you are still breathing.

Elements ...

A funny thing happened at an FSG meeting a little while back.  Or maybe it was just my whacked sense of humour that found it amusing.

A few of the girls there, including the Group leader, are energy work practitioners or other "new age" or pagan type folks.

The group leaders hubs, a Captain with the local reserve unit,(who is sensitive himself), was making small talk, and he said to me "What element is (theWolf)".  I replied "Air", but as he walked away, it occured to me that depending on who was listening, that conversation could be taken two completely different ways!

From an astrological perspective the Wolf is Fire; I am Water with strong overtones of Earth.

While I am blending the two topics, here is a book I am wanting to read; American perspective (as are most) but it looks interesting.  I am not sure whose blog I originally found it on; but here is a link to it on Chapters/Indigo's web site:

Faith and Magick in the Armed Forces: A Handbook for Pagans in the Military;
Author: Stefani E. Barner

Good vs Evil

The Wolf and I (and a gazillion other people) play a game on Face Book, and I have advanced to the stage of the game where I have to choose between Good and Evil.  Ah, the eternal question of life.

Evil is sexy, fun, has that hint of danger, and is terribly attractive.  Evil might be fun, at least pretend.

Good is boring, predictable, saccharine sweet.  If I am honest with myself, however, good likely suits my personality better.

Darn it.  I want to be sexy with a hint of danger.

I know, I know, its a bloody game.

I chose good.  Partly because if I am honest, it is what I am.  Partly because I am not sure I totally believe that "what you call comes to you" applies on this casual a scale, but I am certainly not willing to take the gamble.

Evil in pop culture has been given the air of a misunderstood sexiness, attraction, often with an air, in literature, of someone who is basically good at the core but forced by circumstances or misunderstanding to act as or be perceived as evil.

People who deal with evil know its reality; victims of evil, and police, soldiers, counselors, doctors, and many more.  But for the rest of us, it is so far out of our daily routine that we have a hard time grasping what it really is, so we have in our minds instead the watered down version we get from movies and books ~ sexy vampires, mis-understood "bad guys" who get reformed.  In real life, it seems to rarely happen that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

And while I am on this rant, when did addiction become a good thing?  Various things market themselves by saying they are "addictive" or "addicting".  Doesn't the very act of something being an addiction imply some sort of detrimental effect?

Its no wonder people have such a hard time making wise choices.

Sunday ramblings

I started my day at a fund raising "turkey shoot" or target shoot.  I was "in the hole" for the event - in a little shot proof booth, switching targets for the shooters.  I don't think it is good for me, in my line of work, that after roughly 240 shots incoming, I was completely used to the sound of the actions closing, the shots fired, and the pellet spray ... not something I really want to get complacent with!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After that, TW and I took the fur children for a 2 hour hike - it was absolutely gorgeous out!

Oh, and I want to live here:

because it looks out over this view:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last night the Lunatic and I attended an event that I have renamed "Meat-a-palooza" - the annual conservation fundraiser at the local rod and gun club.  Three courses of wild game, each prepared a different way, 12 wild game dishes per course, plus potatoes and veggies for anyone who wants them.  Preceeded, of course, by wild game appetizers.  A licenced event.

Can you say "meat coma", boys and girls?  My tummy was a bit rumbly this morning.  I think my protein chakra overfloweth ...  So today I have eaten salad, and an apple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Lunatic and I were discussing the last few months, and my mental state.  I said I felt like I was finally getting back to my old self.  Lunatic said "No! Don't go backwards to your old self, go forward to your new self - learn from this, and become the person you are supposed to be".  I really found that a powerful sentence, and like the way he summed it up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was looking at the list I wrote the other day, about what I would want in an ideal partner.  I thought about the list in relation to the Wolf; who he has been this last year or so, as opposed to the historical him, or the idealized version of him that I had created in my mind ... and he didn't stack up so well against the list.  I could honestly only say "yes" to about 7 of the points, with a "maybe" for a couple more ... and some of the "no"s were biggies ...

It also occured to me that the post title I used when I faced reality within my online community ~ "We're Done" ~ was the exact same phrase the Wolf used with me the day before he left for the sanbox; words it took me 4 months to accept; to claim and make my own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the world keeps turning 'round ...

Things that make you go hmmmmm .....

I just found a bright blue stickie note in my shoe that says: 

Your guess is as good as mine ....

Needs ....

Don't worry, Coffey, this isn't a post about sex. I know those traumatize you. ;-)

For Lent this year, I am giving up (or trying to give up) buying anything I don't NEED. I do give up something for Lent every year, more as an exercise in self control, to prove to myself that I can, than a religious sacrifice. (Although I am nominally Catholic).

Unfortunately, I am struggling more than usual with the definition of NEED. The Wolf says I think too hard. I am also finding it harder than I remember to not give in to WANTS.

Do I NEED to be buying things to send to the Wolf in his care packages? I am rationalizing this one in that I gave stuff up, he didn't. So I am not buying things for myself, I am letting this one slide.

TW talked me into going to Old Navy with her yesterday. They have all their jeans on sale for $19.99. Her argument was that I can't run around naked in Canada in February, and I really do *need* new jeans. Fortunately for my conscious, even the "booty lifting" jeans did nothing for my booty - seems they need at least a base to work with. So gotta head to the gym and create a booty ...

TW and I also went out for lunch. Her argument being I NEED to eat. I had given her eldest child a ride back to the city she currently lives in, and it was lunch time. But did I NEED Moxie's mosaic dip with tortilla chips, and a smoked bacon and cheddar omlette?

I NEED groceries. But do I need treats? Nacho Chips? Chocolate? Do I NEED ice cream to watch the Canada - US Men's Hockey Game tonight? Do we NEED rum & coke to go with the game?

It is easier to make decisions on things like the amazing Buddha wall hanging I saw yesterday. I can't get it out of my head. I really, really want it. But I don't NEED it. So if it is still there after Easter, all good, and if not - its not.

I NEED to put gas in my truck to do my job (and I do NEED my job). But should I be limiting pleasure trips, so I am only using gas for NEEDs?

I guess this is good, because at least I am thinking about everything I do, not running on auto pilot, and making conscious choices about my actions.

Now if I could only do something about that marvelous Catholic guilt ...

The Importance of Accessories ....

CI Roller Dude wrote a post a while ago on the importance of coordinating your accessories with your outfit ... and it took a while, but I found this picture from a conservation group's fund-raising banquet I helped with a year or so ago:

(and yes, there are days my face actually looks like that ...

don't make the Crow angry ...

you won't like me when I'm angry)

I started cutting out this dress about 2 hours before I had to leave for the banquet, so the fit leaves a little bit to be desired in this photo. I have since fixed it. For some reason, when I got there, they decided I would be the logical one to sell the raffle tickets for the New England Firearms 20 guage I am holding in the photo ....

Now I don't know what sold the tickets better, the fact that the gun matched my outfit so well, or the fact that yes, that is leg you are seeing below the butt of the gun in the photo ... I may have made the slit a little higher than I needed to. Of course, it might just be my winning personality that makes me such a good sales person :-) . I did manage to sell all the tickets fairly quickly.

I have worn this dress to a few banquets since, and I also have a skirt made in a similar pattern. Which leads the next question:

Why is it that the only place men every say "I LOVE what you are wearing! Where did you get that dress?" is at hunting banquets, and in gay bars?