Patience and strength

I was speaking with a friend the other day about the Wolf situation, and he said something along the lines of admiring my strength.  I was startled by a comment like that.
I firmly believe the Wolf will not let this rest until one of us is dead*.  I also firmly believe nothing will happen in the short term.  We are talking, after all, about a man who waited 13 years between the first and second time he asked me to marry him.  Four months between his first and second attempts to find me this year.  He knows how to wait.  I assume his sniper training would just re-inforce the ability to wait for the proper moment to act. And he firmly believes in the Klingon proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold.

So I go on about my life.  I don't take stupid risks, I check my 5's & 20's, I plan ahead ... but I don't live in fear, I don't let him win.

Does this make me strong?  I think it just makes me a realist.  I accept what is, and go on about my life with what I see as the appropriate modifications.

I have many times when I am weak.  I have many times when I let this get the best of me, and am so weak that I am afraid I will never find my way back to strength, even enough strength to just carry on.  It sits in the back of my brain and nags at me like a little imp.  I jump at shadows, a frighten people with my aggressive stares and reactions to being startled.

To have someone else say they admire my strength makes me feel like a fraud, like I am putting on some face to the world that does not exist.   And it makes me feel like when people find out how weak I really am they will be disappointed in me.  Like I can't be weak in front of most people, because it is not what they are ready to accept from me.


* as clarification, no, I do not mean to seak his death, or my own, as a way to end this. I can't, however, say the same for him.  And no, that topic is not up for debate - I will defend myself to the level necessary, but will not be "pro-active".

Red \friday Part II ~ TEARS IN HEAVEN THE SOLDIERS

Red Friday

(Image courtesy Canadian Forces Combat Camera)
22 July 2011
A CH149 Chinook flys over Kandahar Province with members of the Mission Transition Task Force Command Team and take a familiarity flight over the Kandahar Province in Afghanistan to see the different projects that have been completed by Canadian Forces members over the years including road construction and the Dala Dam project.

 The Mission Transition Task Force is comprised of approximately 1,000 personnel of all ranks that will be responsible to conduct mission closure of Operation ATHENA in order to enable the Canadian Forces to transition to subsequent operations as directed by the Government of Canada.

Photos by: MCpl Dan Shouinard, Senior Imagery Technician, Mission Transition Task Force © 2011 DND-MND Canada

I know a number of the soldiers I have talked to feel sad about Canada's combat mission in Afghanistan ending ~ they feel like they have left a job undone, failed their promise to the people of Afghanistan, and failed their fallen brothers and sisters.  They are under no delusion that the "Training Mission" we are still engaged in will continue to put Canadians in harm's way, and require "combat"; but they feel we have failed to complete what we set out to do, because they were called home before they have a chance to finnish the job.  Most I have spoken to want to return, to do what they had originally set out to do.

Support takes many forms.

"A ship in harbor is safe;

but that's not what ships are built for"

John A Shedd

Red Friday ~ Support the Troops

IS2011-1035-03
06 July, 2011
Kandahar, Afghanistan

The Operational Mentor Liaison Team’s (OMLT) Commanding Officer, Colonel Hercule Gosselin salutes the Commander of 1st Brigade of 205th (Hero) ANA Corps, Brigadier-General Ahmed Habibi as he arrives for the OMLT parade.

During Canada’s combat mission, mentoring and training the Afghan National Army and Afghan National Police was one of six key priorities in Afghanistan. Its contribution to the Operational Mentor Liaison Team programme remained integral to ANA and ANP development in Kandahar Province. The Canadian Forces’ commitment to expand and nurture the confidence and capacity of the Afghan National Security Forces will long remain in the memory of Canada’s engagement in Afghanistan.

Operation ATHENA is Canada’s participation in the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan. The mission of Task Force Kandahar, the Canadian-led brigade in ISAF Regional Command (South), is to set the right conditions for sustainable progress in security, governance, development and peace in the districts of Panjwa'i, Dand and Daman in Kandahar Province, in conjunction with the Government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan, the Afghan national security forces, and other coalition and civilian partners.

Photo by: Sergeant Matthew McGregor, Canadian Forces Combat Camera
© 2011 DND-MDN Canada

And so we turn the page, and start another chapter

Canadian soldiers walk toward a Canadian air force transport plane as they prepare to leave Afghanistan on June 30, ending nearly 10 years of military presence. (Baz Ratner/Reuters)

ACK!!

ACK.

I got a new laptop, and a new internet connection; newest version of Windows ... and haven't been able to get Blogger to work properly.  Wated to do a few updates but haven't been able to create a new post.

Hit it tonight on a whim ... and here it is.  of course, I am too tired to write coherently.

S has been here visiting.  We had a great time, and some great chats about where this relationship, whatever it is, is going ... all of which will be spilled and analyzed here, when I have a more coherent brain in my head.  Assuming Blogger lets me in again.

Until then, love you all, and take care of each other!

B