Sixx:AM - Skin

Sometimes, the best words for what you are thinking, are someone else's ...

"Skin"

Paint yourself a picture
Of what you wish you looked like
Maybe then they just might
Feel an ounce of your pain

Come into focus
Step out of the shadows
It's a losing battle
There's no need to be ashamed

Cause they don't even know you
All they see is scars
They don't see the angel
Living in your heart

Let them find the real you
Buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got
That you are not your skin

Oh [X2]

When they start to judge you
Show them your true colors
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you

Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is scars
They don't see the angel
Living in your heart

Let them find the real you
Buried deep within
Let them know with all you got
That you are not your skin

OHHHHHHHHHH

Well they don't even know you
All they see is scars
They don't see the angel
Living in your heart

Let them find the real you
Buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got
That you are not
That you are not your skin

Oh [X2]

Puja

In one of the style of dance I do, we open every rehearsal or performance with something called a "Puja".


Basically it is a grounding, a thanksgiving, and a memorial, all rolled up into one sequence of movements.


It is a lovely way to bond together as a "tribe" before going on to the dance floor, and a great way to center yourself, remember what it is about, and get over any last minute jitters.


It is, for lack of better work, a moving meditation in which you thank you teachers; not just current teachers, or formal teachers, but everyone who has guided you on your path, and helped you become who you are, as a dancer and as a human.   You give thanks for the space you dance in, and the world you dance in.  You give thanks for the music, and the ears with which you hear it.  You give thanks and reach out to the other dancers, not just with you but all over the world, the dancers that dance this day. You give thanks for all those that came before, that have created and influenced and shaped the dance. You recognize the energy flow that binds us all together, and draw down part of that universal stream to yourself, and dance with it.


I need to do the Puja more often in my life; not just when I dance.  I am a member of so many different tribes, all of whom should be acknowledged with gratitude.  I should remember more often to give thanks for the spaces that have allowed me to grow, the people who have influenced and supported me, and the forces that have brought me to where I am this very moment.

"Only this I know: The philosopher's soul dwells in his head, the poet's soul is in the heart; the singer's soul lingers about his throat, but the soul of the dancer abides in all her body." 

~ Kahlil Gibran ~

I need a vacation.

Two more weeks of silly season, and then things should calm down at work.  Maybe a week or so after that to catch up on all the little things (home and work) that I have let slide while dealing with the chaos that is spring.  Then I can chill a bit.  Unless, of course, I get called up as backup fire crew relief.

I really need to get away for a while.  Just take a tent, hop in the car, drive, and spend a few days in the woods all by my self.  I am not dealing well with anything right now.  I got the study material for a course I am doing in a few weeks - material we need to know in advance - all 1,248 pages of it.  I had a little cry, then put on my big girl panties and got down to it.

I have been having nightmares lately.  The general theme is a male somewhere where they shouldn't be (living in my basement, in the bathroom when I go in, in my office, etc).  There is a varying degree of "threat" implicit in each dream, but there is definitely a theme.  Around 4 am Thursday I woke up form one of those dreams, but got myself "talked down" and went back to sleep.  I woke up at 6, and realized that I had this knife in my hand, in a nice reverse fighting grip, and from the impressions and the finger cramps, had obviously been sleeping like that for a while - likely since 4.  Thankfully, I had left the sheath on it, and had not managed to damage myself.

Good to know I can still go into some things on auto pilot, if need be.  Red was up visiting this weekend, and I did caution her that if she woke up before I did, she likely shouldn't come to my room without announcing her presence very loudly!

Not to sound like a cliché, but ...

I met a really nice guy at a work event a few weeks ago.  We seemed to be hitting it off.  Chatting, playful, kinda flirty.  I quite enjoy his company.


He invited me over for drinks ...


and introduced me to his boyfriend.


~~sigh~~


Seems the radar has gotten a bit rusty ...


ah well, new friends are good too.


~~~~~~~~~


In all honesty, I knew going in that he had an ex-boyfriend, I just didn't know he had a current one.


When I first thought we were flirting, I discussed the potential with a female friend.  Her reaction was a very firm and slightly shocked expression that she would never date a gay man.  (Semantics aside: if he had an ex-boyfriend but was also interested in me, he would be bi-sexual, not gay ... but that's not really the point here.)


I was startled by this, as I thought this individual was fairly open minded.  We have a mutual friend who is a gay male, and I have never noticed her treating him any different, as a friend, than she treats any one else.  


Honestly, I don't see the difference.  I would like to assume that anyone who is interested in dating me is interested in my personality, morals, and ethics, more than my genitalia (although I am aware that there have been some would-be suitors who were more interested in the latter). 


I haven't had a chance to pursue her thinking further with her; I guess there are different degrees of prejudice out there.

Never give all the heart ...

Never give all the heart

W. B. Yeats

Never give all the heart, for love

Will hardly seem worth thinking of

To passionate women if it seem

Certain, and they never dream

That it fades out from kiss to kiss;

For everything that's lovely is

But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.

O never give the heart outright,

For they, for all smooth lips can say,

Have given their hearts up to the play.

And who could play it well enough

If deaf and dumb and blind with love?

He that made this knows all the cost,

For he gave all his heart and lost.

My friends have been giving me this advice for years, but as PS once observed "If she didn't give all her heart, she wouldn't be her"

My dear Mr Yeats, I beg to disagree with your conclusion as well.  I have given my heart, more than once, and I will continue to do so.  For while I well know the cost of giving all the heart, I fear more the cost of never giving it again.

Red Friday - Bless his little heart

Nine-Year-Old Josef Miles Stages Counter-Protest Against Westboro Baptist Church Protesters

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/15/westboro-baptist-church_n_1518901.html  

A Quickie ...

Work is still crazy-ass-busy.

Nothing from the Wolf in the last 2 weeks.

Nothing more from Sebastian in the last couple of weeks either.  It is what it is.

Covered a bar tending shift at the legion tonight, and got told by a patron that I was single because I was a bitch.  Had another patron mention how much weight I put on over the winter.  Repeatedly.

Hiring my summer crew; contacting students with e-mail addresses like "pretty.princess.xoxox@whatever" makes my brain hurt.

Think of you all, lurking on your blogs when I get a chance.  Be well, my friends.  Hopefully, back to our regularly scheduled programming soon!