... doesn't mean I'm single.
That took on a whole new meaning this weekend!
Now, technically, the Wolf isn't deployed yet, but we do live in separate provinces. Not that he's ever actually home anyway. Which is why we live in separate provinces.
I digress. Often ;-)
"Just because my man's deployed doesn't mean I'm single" usually refers to men who think if your man's not around, that you need some extra "company", or at very least that you're good for an evenings entertainment.
I spent this weekend volunteer bar tending at a Legion fundraiser. One of the fellows I was bar tending with most of the time got divorced a few years ago, and has a new girlfriend of a few months. She was a bit stand offish with me at first, but then the fellow went for a walk and left he two of us alone. We chatted a bit, and she seemed nice. As soon as her fellow came back, she became stand offish with me again, and possessive, clingy and very PDA with him, to the point where HE actually told her to back off.
It took me a while to figure it out, but I think she felt threatened by me. So I started very obviously talking to her about the Wolf, our plans for the future together, and how devoted to one another we are, etc, etc.
Didn't help. I guess she figures all military wives are Tide box hookers.
I have had other women question my choice to be in a long-distance relationship, and the challenges that loving a military man presents, but this is the first time I have had a woman react to me like this. I believe this woman was a bit older than me. By now should she not know that love is not a function of physical proximity?
I am bothered by this, and I am not really sure why ...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
This Ever Changing Life ...
A quick update. I just talked to the Wolf :-) and his D-date has been pushed back. Now I know I shouldn't get too excited, because it is likely going to change 1/2 a dozen times still. But momentary sunshine on my shoulders! You will notice I have updated the counter to reflect the new date.
Also, we have (tentative) dates for his 2 HTLA's (blocks of leave - R&R). Now we just need to decide where we are going. He might come home for the second one, but we are currently debating Japan, Australia, or something else for just the two of us for the first one. I get him all to myself, for almost 3 whole weeks!!!!!!!
I am a happy, happy girl right now.
Also, we have (tentative) dates for his 2 HTLA's (blocks of leave - R&R). Now we just need to decide where we are going. He might come home for the second one, but we are currently debating Japan, Australia, or something else for just the two of us for the first one. I get him all to myself, for almost 3 whole weeks!!!!!!!
I am a happy, happy girl right now.
Sunday, part II
My neighbour T and I are going to walk 15K in September in support of the local Military Family Resource Center. Now I regularly spend all day walking as part of my job, but T, not so much. So we thought maybe we'd better "practice" a bit first. The weather was decent today, and neither of us really felt like doing anything else, so we took Little Girl and T's dog Moose down to the river.We did 2K, dropped Little Girl off at home (she is a woman of a certain age, after all!) and then did 8K more. The weather Gods smiled on us, and we didn't get rained on! Even more surprising, Moose was actually tired at the end of the day.
We (the humans) did a total of about 10K, and it felt pretty good (speaking for myself - I haven't heard from T yet since we've been home!). Hopefully this becomes a regular thing, and T has even agreed to try running part of it with me. Maybe I can get back on track for the agreement I made with The Wolf a few months ago.
See, The Wolf has been all over the place geographically so far in 2009 training. As a result of being away from his routine and his mates a lot, he was having some motivation issues regarding his PT. In a fit of temporary insanity, I agreed to be his on-line workout buddy, thinking that maybe if I was accountable to someone, I would have better dedication. After I had agreed to this, I actually looked into what military PT standards were. Sit ups - no worries. Push ups - well, I`m a little out of shape on this, but I should be able to get there fairly quickly. Run 8K - PARDON??? Oh dear, I should have looked into that bit before I agreed to anything.
I have downloaded the "First Day to 5K" podcasts from Podrunner ; they are great to listen to while doing paperwork at your desk ... *blush* ... Ahem. But I haven't actually tried running to them yet.
I was run/walking for a while. The program that worked best for me was: walk to warm up, until I felt like running. Run until I needed a break, and then walk until I felt like running again. Repeat ad naseum, for a distance of 8K. I was reducing the time between running stints, but then The Wolf came home on bloc leave in July, and I fell off the wagon. Time to get back on again!
If I can get myself into a routine again, I am going to reward myself with an iTouch. The Wolf has one, and can't say enough good things about it. It even has a running program on it. And since I keep breaking the cheap MP3 players, I guess it is time I give in and buy myself a good one!
Keep watching this space for further updates ...
Sunday ...
I am being attacked today by the Sunday Morning Lazies, so today I am just going to share a few photos with you:
I am lucky enough to have THIS a short drive or bike ride from my house. It has a beautiful trail beside it. Might go for a run later ...
One of my personal "places of peace". Unfortunately my friend who owns this property could only see "ugly, run-down and embarrassing" when he looked at this building, so it has been renovated.
This is a "chicot", or a "snag"; a standing dead tree, excellent wildlife habitat. Standing dead trees that aren't a danger to buildings or the human users of your forest should be left alone; they are very important for wildlife (including insects!) and the overall health of your forest.
Sunset over the Speed River
Take care of each other, and yourselves!
I am lucky enough to have THIS a short drive or bike ride from my house. It has a beautiful trail beside it. Might go for a run later ...
One of my personal "places of peace". Unfortunately my friend who owns this property could only see "ugly, run-down and embarrassing" when he looked at this building, so it has been renovated.
This is a "chicot", or a "snag"; a standing dead tree, excellent wildlife habitat. Standing dead trees that aren't a danger to buildings or the human users of your forest should be left alone; they are very important for wildlife (including insects!) and the overall health of your forest.
Sunset over the Speed River
Take care of each other, and yourselves!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Wolf
Soundtrack for this post: When You Say Nothin' At All, Allison Krauss and Union Station
I am in a happy place today, and had a good MSN conversation with the Wolf last night, so today is a nice, safe day to write an expanded introduction to the man in my life.
The Wolf and I met in High school. We grew up in small towns that are about 10 km from each other, but went to different elementary schools. In high school a friend of mine had a crush on this guy who trained martial arts. She really wanted to try the 2 week introductory class the club offered, but was too nervous to go herself. So she talked me, her faithful friend, into going with her. (Aside: this turned into a life-long love affair with martial arts for me)
The guy she was crushing on? Yep, the Wolf.
Fast forward a couple of months. She and I are still training Karate, and really enjoying it for its own sake. She is also still crushing on the Wolf. In the mean time, there is a guy crushing on her, and she is kinda leading him on, likely out of teenage "I don't want to hurt your feelings" uncomfortableness. (Anybody missing high school yet?) This other guy happens to be the Wolf's cousin. Gotta love small towns.
Other guy asks my friend out to the movies. She says yes, but only if I come too. She doesn't want to go out alone with him. He says OK, and invites his cousin - the Wolf - along to keep me entertained so he can pay attention to my friend.
So in essence, my first date with the Wolf was a pity date on his part, trying to help out his cousin, a bit uncomfortable for me, as I was the "date" of the guy my friend was wanting to hook up with, and generally very teenage awkward.
But I really liked the guy. We became very good friends. And now, after 20 years or so, we are much, much more than very good friends.
Back to high school, briefly: the Wolf and my friend did end up getting together (I was dating someone else by then) and dated for a number of years. She was, unfortunately, uncomfortable with the friendship between the Wolf and I, and her and I drifted apart.
Straight out of high school, the Wolf joined the Canadian Forces, as an infantry man at the beginning of his career. Somewhere in there, after high school, the Wolf and my friend went their separate ways. He and I remained friends, and stayed in contact as he adventured around the country, and the world.
He has seen active duty in some unpleasant places, and has some issues. But seriously, at our age, who doesn't have some baggage?
In the late 90's he briefly left the Forces and spent a couple of years as a civilian, but was not happy, so in 2000 re-joined the military, this time as Air Command. He is currently serving as a mechanic.
He is prone to "fogetting" he is in a different time zone, and calling me at odd hours of the morning. This is something he has done throughout our friendship. He pretends to forget the time change, and I pretend to by annoyed with him for waking me up. It does give me a warm fuzzy, however, to know he is thinking of me.
About 14 years ago, he asked me to marry him. We were not dating at the time. I said no.
A few years after that, he was with a woman who again was insecure with his friendship with me (anyone else see a pattern?). Out of respect for that relationship, I stepped back out of his life for a while. I often wanted to contact him, but fought the urge.
I spent November 11, 2007, standing at my community cenotaph with tears coursing down my face, wondering where he was, if he was happy, if he was safe, and if I would ever see him again.
We reconnected in 2008, and instantly knew that the relationship had evolved to a new level. We are both different people that we were last time we were together. I like to think we are both now secure enough in ourselves to realize what it will take to make us happy, and strong enough to accept it into our lives.
He says that he has know since we were 16 that we were supposed to be together, and I am just a slow learner.
He is incredibly blunt some times, but is also amazingly honest about his feelings. He is generally very attentive, when he is not getting ready for deployment. He can be annoying and stubborn. He is seriously fun to go to a shooting range with. He still actively trains martial arts himself.
He is the man I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with. "With" in the emotional devoted sense, if not in geographic reality.
So, that is a little bit about the man I love, my Wolf, my Alpha.
(For more information on the Alpha/Omega mythos with werewolves, which is what I am usually alluding to, read the Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs)
I am in a happy place today, and had a good MSN conversation with the Wolf last night, so today is a nice, safe day to write an expanded introduction to the man in my life.
The Wolf and I met in High school. We grew up in small towns that are about 10 km from each other, but went to different elementary schools. In high school a friend of mine had a crush on this guy who trained martial arts. She really wanted to try the 2 week introductory class the club offered, but was too nervous to go herself. So she talked me, her faithful friend, into going with her. (Aside: this turned into a life-long love affair with martial arts for me)
The guy she was crushing on? Yep, the Wolf.
Fast forward a couple of months. She and I are still training Karate, and really enjoying it for its own sake. She is also still crushing on the Wolf. In the mean time, there is a guy crushing on her, and she is kinda leading him on, likely out of teenage "I don't want to hurt your feelings" uncomfortableness. (Anybody missing high school yet?) This other guy happens to be the Wolf's cousin. Gotta love small towns.
Other guy asks my friend out to the movies. She says yes, but only if I come too. She doesn't want to go out alone with him. He says OK, and invites his cousin - the Wolf - along to keep me entertained so he can pay attention to my friend.
So in essence, my first date with the Wolf was a pity date on his part, trying to help out his cousin, a bit uncomfortable for me, as I was the "date" of the guy my friend was wanting to hook up with, and generally very teenage awkward.
But I really liked the guy. We became very good friends. And now, after 20 years or so, we are much, much more than very good friends.
Back to high school, briefly: the Wolf and my friend did end up getting together (I was dating someone else by then) and dated for a number of years. She was, unfortunately, uncomfortable with the friendship between the Wolf and I, and her and I drifted apart.
Straight out of high school, the Wolf joined the Canadian Forces, as an infantry man at the beginning of his career. Somewhere in there, after high school, the Wolf and my friend went their separate ways. He and I remained friends, and stayed in contact as he adventured around the country, and the world.
He has seen active duty in some unpleasant places, and has some issues. But seriously, at our age, who doesn't have some baggage?
In the late 90's he briefly left the Forces and spent a couple of years as a civilian, but was not happy, so in 2000 re-joined the military, this time as Air Command. He is currently serving as a mechanic.
He is prone to "fogetting" he is in a different time zone, and calling me at odd hours of the morning. This is something he has done throughout our friendship. He pretends to forget the time change, and I pretend to by annoyed with him for waking me up. It does give me a warm fuzzy, however, to know he is thinking of me.
About 14 years ago, he asked me to marry him. We were not dating at the time. I said no.
A few years after that, he was with a woman who again was insecure with his friendship with me (anyone else see a pattern?). Out of respect for that relationship, I stepped back out of his life for a while. I often wanted to contact him, but fought the urge.
I spent November 11, 2007, standing at my community cenotaph with tears coursing down my face, wondering where he was, if he was happy, if he was safe, and if I would ever see him again.
We reconnected in 2008, and instantly knew that the relationship had evolved to a new level. We are both different people that we were last time we were together. I like to think we are both now secure enough in ourselves to realize what it will take to make us happy, and strong enough to accept it into our lives.
He says that he has know since we were 16 that we were supposed to be together, and I am just a slow learner.
He is incredibly blunt some times, but is also amazingly honest about his feelings. He is generally very attentive, when he is not getting ready for deployment. He can be annoying and stubborn. He is seriously fun to go to a shooting range with. He still actively trains martial arts himself.
He is the man I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with. "With" in the emotional devoted sense, if not in geographic reality.
So, that is a little bit about the man I love, my Wolf, my Alpha.
(For more information on the Alpha/Omega mythos with werewolves, which is what I am usually alluding to, read the Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The power of numbers
Soundtrack for this post: Sugarland - What I'd Give
Wow. The countdown timer for the Wolf's business trip just flipped to 49. Fifty and 49 are just one number a part. But my brain has done a complete flip as well. Suddenly deployment has gone from this theoretical thing that was going to happen some day soon to ...
OH MY GOD HE'S REALLY LEAVING and I don't know if I can handle it and its such a long time and there's so much living and organizing and details to get looked after in the next 49 days and how am I going to get through this .....
OK breathe .... you can do this. Thousands of other families have. And some of those families are your friends, and they will help you.
breathe ...
Of course, the 49 days is only hypothetical, since we don't have a firm d-date yet, only a "mid October" target. So it likely isn't really 49 days ... which caused the next panic attack: what if they bump the d-date early? What if they spring some more surprise training on him? What if I actually don't get to see the Wolf again before he goes? What if last time I dropped him at the airport is the last time I see him until his HTLA next year?
breathe ...
Now because numbers are so much fun, and because I am a sick masochist, I figured out how many days in 2009 the Wolf and I have been in the same Province or State ... the grand total is: 29 days. In 8 months so far of 2009, we have spent 29 days in geographic proximity. Maybe I'm already good at this MilSpouse thing, cause looking at it I think "29. That's not so bad, really.."; but it doesn't feel like enough. I am greedy; I want more.
breathe ...
Now, Wolf's sister in law is very happy right now because she is going away on a "girl" weekend, without her hubby and kids. And while I do understand, and I am happy for her, a big, childish part of me is whining because all I want is to be with my man, and do all those little things that she takes for granted, and just be ...
breathe ...
I can do this. I will "put on my big girl panties" and my brave face, and be the strong woman that the Wolf loves. I will support him to the best of my ability, even if that means crying in the shower where no-one can her me, and telling him I am fine when I am not. I know there are others I can lean on when I need to; for him, I will be strong. I will fight my own battles in my own way. I will be his strength at home.
and I will breathe ...
Wow. The countdown timer for the Wolf's business trip just flipped to 49. Fifty and 49 are just one number a part. But my brain has done a complete flip as well. Suddenly deployment has gone from this theoretical thing that was going to happen some day soon to ...
OH MY GOD HE'S REALLY LEAVING and I don't know if I can handle it and its such a long time and there's so much living and organizing and details to get looked after in the next 49 days and how am I going to get through this .....
OK breathe .... you can do this. Thousands of other families have. And some of those families are your friends, and they will help you.
breathe ...
Of course, the 49 days is only hypothetical, since we don't have a firm d-date yet, only a "mid October" target. So it likely isn't really 49 days ... which caused the next panic attack: what if they bump the d-date early? What if they spring some more surprise training on him? What if I actually don't get to see the Wolf again before he goes? What if last time I dropped him at the airport is the last time I see him until his HTLA next year?
breathe ...
Now because numbers are so much fun, and because I am a sick masochist, I figured out how many days in 2009 the Wolf and I have been in the same Province or State ... the grand total is: 29 days. In 8 months so far of 2009, we have spent 29 days in geographic proximity. Maybe I'm already good at this MilSpouse thing, cause looking at it I think "29. That's not so bad, really.."; but it doesn't feel like enough. I am greedy; I want more.
breathe ...
Now, Wolf's sister in law is very happy right now because she is going away on a "girl" weekend, without her hubby and kids. And while I do understand, and I am happy for her, a big, childish part of me is whining because all I want is to be with my man, and do all those little things that she takes for granted, and just be ...
breathe ...
I can do this. I will "put on my big girl panties" and my brave face, and be the strong woman that the Wolf loves. I will support him to the best of my ability, even if that means crying in the shower where no-one can her me, and telling him I am fine when I am not. I know there are others I can lean on when I need to; for him, I will be strong. I will fight my own battles in my own way. I will be his strength at home.
and I will breathe ...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Good things about long distance relationships:
1. all you can eat garlic
2. limited shaving/waxing/depilatories/ etc
3. the "honeymoon period" lasts longer
4. the 7 year itch will take 7 decades to appear
5. no one can accuse you of being overwhelmed by the sex
6. leaving the toilet seat where you want it
7. only buying groceries you like
8. you own musical tastes, all the time
9. you get to choose what’s on TV
10. you don’t stress about bad hair days (or bad hair weeks)
11. you don't have to spend time with your in-laws, unless you actually want to
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Where "Crow" comes from
OK, so I promised you the story behind the "Crow".
When I was a teenager, my mom went through a phase of being interested in all things new age, and there was a group of women she got together with to meditate, learn about chakras and energy healing, etc., etc. They occasionally invited me along to one of their meetings.
I had a hard time meditating; I kept feeling like I was starting to fly, and I would freak out, and start to cry. This could be because I am a control freak, and the whole feeling of not being in control really, really bothered me. Or it could have been that fact that I wasn't completely comfortable with the energy of some of the other women in the room, and I couldn't relax enough with them around.
My mom eventually made me a guided meditation cassette, using music I had picked out myself. Doing this meditation in the comfort of my own room, where I felt safe, I could do this meditation and relax. That is when I discovered that the crow was who I was "becoming" when I fully relaxed. Now, I was still a teenager, and I really wanted to be something cool, like a raven, but I am good enough at bird ID that nope, I was a crow.
I have since looked into the crow in celtic, native american, and other mythology, and have become more comfortable with the crow.
I havent felt myself fly in a while, and I kinda miss it.
When I was a teenager, my mom went through a phase of being interested in all things new age, and there was a group of women she got together with to meditate, learn about chakras and energy healing, etc., etc. They occasionally invited me along to one of their meetings.
I had a hard time meditating; I kept feeling like I was starting to fly, and I would freak out, and start to cry. This could be because I am a control freak, and the whole feeling of not being in control really, really bothered me. Or it could have been that fact that I wasn't completely comfortable with the energy of some of the other women in the room, and I couldn't relax enough with them around.
My mom eventually made me a guided meditation cassette, using music I had picked out myself. Doing this meditation in the comfort of my own room, where I felt safe, I could do this meditation and relax. That is when I discovered that the crow was who I was "becoming" when I fully relaxed. Now, I was still a teenager, and I really wanted to be something cool, like a raven, but I am good enough at bird ID that nope, I was a crow.
I have since looked into the crow in celtic, native american, and other mythology, and have become more comfortable with the crow.
I havent felt myself fly in a while, and I kinda miss it.
The World Doesn't Revolve Around Me.
I know, I know, it came as a shock to me too; but the truth is, to quote Reba McEntyre “The universe does revolve around a single point, but [I’m] not it”.
I have this habit of thinking that everything that happens is somehow connected to me. OK, let’s be honest – I have this habit of thinking, especially, that everything bad that happens is my fault, or at very least in response to something I did.
For example, I am trying to re-schedule an appointment with my chiropractor, and her office is not calling me back. Are they mad at me? Did I do something to annoy them?
Another example: The Wolf is being grumpy – did I piss him off? Oh God, he doesn’t love me anymore! It couldn’t be the upcoming deployment weighing on his mind, DND time wasting and inefficiencies stressing him out, or the joys of living most of his life in temporary accommodations, dressing out of a rucksack, and eating mess hall food or in restaurants … nope, its all gotta be my fault. I must have said or done something to annoy him.
Yes, I realize how silly this all looks when I write it down.
So my new resolution: I will NOT take everything personally. I will accept things at face value, and not second guess everything, or try to read hidden meanings into things.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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