I'm a lousy cat sitter (and gratuitous cat pics)

A friend is going on vacation, and I have agreed to look after her cat for three weeks.  I asked for her dog too, but the dog gets to go to the coast with them.


Racism is rampant.

(You'll notice the paw placement.  His favorite way to stand.  Friendly little fellow.  He also likes to give kisses there ... )

It's been years since I had a cat, and when I did, it was a cat that had been raised by a Samoyed, so it was a cat that fetched, and came when you called it, and sat in the window and barked if a car it didn't recognize came in the driveway.  Seriously!  Funny little cat-barks, but it did its best.

Any way, the cat was dropped off last night.  He seemed to settle OK, but he is disturbingly quiet!   He explored a bit, then settled beside me on the sofa. Once I went to bed, I think he returned to the living room window, but if I got up to use the bathroom he was always right there at my feet, trying to trip me; hopping into bed with me when I laid back down, staying for a minute, then back to wherever he was hanging out.

So this morning when I got up, I did a few things ... and no cat.  So I did some noisier things ... and no cat.  So I went looking ... under furniture, behind things, on top of things ... and no cat.  Then I got to the guest room in the basement ... and no cat, but a big hole in the ceiling by the window, and an acoustic tile on the floor ... damnit.

So I got a chair and a flashlight, and looked in the ceiling ... no cat.  I went into the rooms that were accessible from the ceiling, rooms I had shut the doors to and not cat proofed; a storage room, the laundry room, the furnace room ... no cat.

I was getting pretty stressed by this point.  I had tried calling, to no avail.  I had looked everywhere I could think of, multiple times.  No cat.  So I talked myself down, and sat in the living room, and said I would give it an hour.  While sitting there, answering some work e-mail, I thought I heard something in the sewing/craft room, which is also shut off.  So I got up and opened the door to look, and called him ... and he appeared beside me at the door, looking into this "new" room.  I have no idea were he came from, but he is safely found, back to conquering the furniture, and trying to get me to open the sewing room door again.  The ceiling access from the guest room is now blocked off!


Its going to be a long three weeks ...

I know this sounds like I have a lot of rooms shut off from him, but its an older country house - trust me, he still has lost of room to explore, and places to hang out.  I think he'll be fine.  He certainly seems to be enjoying the windows!

Saturday morning ramble ...

I've decided I hate my life the way it is right now. That's a good thing, because for a while I was stuck in a loop of just not giving a shit about anything, and hating something is better than not caring, at least there is impetus to change now.


I am working both jobs today - "real" job this morning, then a double at the legion.  I agreed to bar tend before I knew I had the other commitment.  I am down to helping out occasionally when they are stuck, and they were stuck today.  Not it is here, I just want to chill today; don't really want to work either job.  But it is what it is.


I hate going to real job.  Part of it is that it is summer, part of it I am sure is all the rumours swirling around over the impending end of our program and the job cuts, but I have totally lost my drive.


I have a few ideas about directions to go from here, but nothing concrete yet.  I just wish September would hurry up and get here so I know what's on the table, and finalize some decisions.

Red Friday - History fashback - the USS Barb, the sub that sank a train.

Thank you to my devastatingly handsome and unfathomably intelligent friend Coffey for making me aware of this story ...

In 1973 an Italian submarine named Enrique Tazzoli was sold for a paltry $100,000 as scrap metal.  The submarine, given to the Italian Navy in 1953 was actually an incredible veteran of World War II service with a heritage that never should have passed so unnoticed into the graveyards of the metal recyclers.  The U.S.S. Barb was a pioneer, paving the way for the first submarine launched missiles and flying a battle flag unlike that of any other ship.  In addition to the Medal of Honor ribbon at the top of the flag identifying the heroism of its captain, Commander Eugene "Lucky" Fluckey, the bottom border of the flag bore the image of a Japanese locomotive.    The U.S.S. Barb was indeed, the submarine that "SANK A TRAIN".

For the full, amazing story, please see: http://www.homeofheroes.com/profiles/profiles_fluckey.html 

All veterans, all conflicts, every day.  Tap & drink.

http://redfridays.ca/ 

Red Friday - RIMPAC

More Red Friday RIMPAC love ... starting with one of today's veterans honouring some of those who have gone before ...




PEARL HARBOR (July 11, 2012) To honour the USS Arizona memorial (background), Private Bryan Irwin, a soldier from the Non-combatant Evacuation Operation company of the 2nd Battalion Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry from Shilo, Manitoba, stands at attention on the flight deck aboard amphibious assault ship USS Essex as the ship gets underway for exercise Rim of the Pacific (RIMPAC) 2012.  Canadian Forces photo by : MCpl Marc-Andre Gaudreault, Canadian Forces Combat Camera. RELEASED

PEARL HARBOR (July 16, 2012) - A Canadian soldier stands in front of the Pearl Harbor Historic Sites sign, at Pearl Harbor, July 16 2012. 
Canadian Forces photo by : MCpl Marc-Andre Gaudreault, Canadian Forces Combat Camera/RELEASED.




















And, just 'cause I can :)



MARINE CORPS TRAINING AREA BELLOWS (July 8, 2012) Canadian Soldiers assigned to Princess Patricia Canada Light Infantry participate in force on force training on the windward side of Oahu during RIMPAC 2012. Twenty-two nations, more than 40 ships and submarines, more than 200 aircraft and 25,000 personnel are participating in RIMPAC exercise from Jun. 29 to Aug. 3, in and around the Hawaiian Islands. The world's largest international maritime exercise, RIMPAC provides a unique training opportunity that helps participants foster and sustain the cooperative relationships that are critical to ensuring the safety of sea lanes and security on the world's oceans. RIMPAC 2012 is the 23rd exercise in the series that began in 1971. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Paul Seeber/Released)

Dreaming with intent experiment, Day 1

I suppose technically this is day 2, since the night before last I tried and just didn't wake up remembering anything, but I'm just going to count days with results.  My experiment, my rules.


When I was at the training last week, one of the veterans and I were discussing nightmares, and he told me about Lucid Dreaming, and the success he has had re-formatting and finding meaning in his nightmares.  I was intrigued, so I did a bit of research (and am continuing to) and thought I would give things a try.


Step one is to just try to remember your dreams and record them in a journal for a while, and maybe try to do some "light" dream interpretation.  The things I read recommend meditating before bed.


I already meditate as I am heading to sleep, so that part was easy.  Last night I added in a bit of EFT Tapping to open up my third eye/hypothalamus-pituitary region, and to reinforce that I wanted to remember my dreams come morning.  During my meditation, I asked my spirit guide ("angel") to please facilitate letting my sub-conscious mind communicate with my conscious mind in my dreams, and to help me remember them in the morning.


Part of the research I read said that your best chance at lucid dreaming comes after you have woken up in the morning, and gone back to sleep.  Since I usually wake up between 3 and 4 am and eventually get back to sleep, this wasn't a problem.  I woke up this morning and intentionally didn't look at the time, as I didn't want to be focused on how much time I had left.  All I know is it was still dark out.


(I am going to record everything here, so this is a long post; I am doing this mostly for my own records, but if anyone wants to chime in, feel free.  I was going to do this on a separate, private blog, but then I thought what the heck, some of you might connect some dots I don't see.)


I did eventually drift off to sleep again, and then I had this "dream":

I was at what I knew in the dream was Sebastian's house, even though it is not his real life residence.  We were in the atrium at the back of the house; to one side was a weathered grey cedar deck, with steps down to the back yard, which was fenced wooden cedar fence down the two sides and page wire at the back.
At some point in the dream he was showing me a video on his iPad, a video he had created with his new video editing software.  It was a video of him and his long time friend T, (female) driving in his car.  He had edited out the view from the windshield and added scenes that made it look like they were driving around the inside of a Starbuck's, and there were 4 german shepherd in the back seat.  S and his friend T were laughing and leaning in to each other in the video; in the dream S was watching me out of the corner of his eye, it felt like he was waiting for me to get angry or jealous, but I have never felt that way about his relationship with T, and didn't in the dream.  Besides, I was too focused on the 4 german shepherds in the back seat, and a bit on the cool video editing.
Then I realized that my Sweet Girl (who died April 2011) and Shadow, a black belgian shepherd from a place I used to work (who died long before my girl) were both there, and asking to go out.  We let them out, and Sweet Girl peed on the deck, because she was too old and stiff to go down the stairs (something she never did in real life).  In the dream I waited tensely for S to get mad about that (he is OCD) but he just gave a sad laugh and said he knew she was old and it wasn't her fault.  Shadow went into the back yard, and we followed them out.
Shadow ran to the back wall of the house and was jumping up.  We realized that there were hornets swarming around the eaves of the house; we also realized that my mother was in the back yard.  I asked my mom if the hornets were mating, and she replied that no, they were just climbing on each other while in flight. (?)
I looked down and realized that one of the hornets was on my shirt near the right side of my collar bone.  It flew off, then started flying around my face and trying to fly up my nose.  it didn't sting me, but I was freaking out.  Then I woke up.

So it seems I forgot to ask my sub-conscious to give me anything simple or easy to understand.  That's OK, I guess, because at this stage the main point, as it has been explained to me, is to remember and record your dreams, and to look for any symbolism.  The veteran I was talking to recommended a specific reference book, which I have yet to acquire, but a quick internet search revealed the following: 


(suggestions from  http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/dreamdictionary/ Copyright 2012 The Curious Dreamer)


Tips to Understand Dream Meaning Dream symbol meanings are different for each person. It's important to consider: Personal meaning—What the dream symbol means to you, what it reminds you of, how it makes you feel. Context—How the dream symbol appears in the dream. For example, in a dream about a bee—what was the bee doing, how and where it was doing it, and how did you feel about it? Look beyond the obvious—A dream is often about something other than its obvious meaning. Physical events in the dream commonly represent mental or emotional matters.

DOGS: Loyalty, protectiveness. Dreaming of this animal can represent: Having too much of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being less this way Not having enough of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being more like this Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.) For more clues, pay attention to what the animal was doing or any particular characteristic that stood out. A dog can also represent an actual dog in your life, or your inner child (meaning that you could benefit from more attention to your fun, playfulness, or nurturing). A dog in trouble, sick, or overlooked can mean you may be overlooking a responsibility for yourself or your life.

Hornets:   An under-estimated or hidden danger A fear, perhaps of attack or persecution Anger, especially out-of-control anger or an unchecked response to provocation Dreaming of this insect can represent: Having too much of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being less this way Not having enough of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being more like this Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.)

Mother:  Your real-life mother, an authority or caretaker figure (such as your employer), or your spiritual parent (God) The idea of motherhood, motherly qualities, or parenthood in general

Outdoors:  Beyond you, outside of your inner experience. The part of your life where you interact with others or make impressions on others A house usually represent you, inside the house represents your inner life (your thoughts, feelings, etc.), and so things happening outdoors would represent things going on around you. Depending on the particular kind of outdoor setting in your dream, it could also represent a particular real place, or a particular set of feelings (like a cemetery could represent loss or sadness).

People: A person in a dream can represent that actual person, or the characteristics you attribute to that person. Meaning, if you dream about your boss who is always in a hurry, your boss may represent himself, or he may represent the idea of hurrying: for example, a feeling like you need to hurry something, or that you are hurrying too much or need more patience. Also, the significant symbolism of a person in a dream may not be who they are, but what they're doing, how they're doing it, or their attitude—anything that stands out about them. Pay attention to how the person appears, as well as what the actual person symbolizes to you

An olive ... sprout, maybe?

I came home last night after a crappy day, opened my e-mail, and found a note from Sebastian.  The first contact since mid April.

Knock me over with a feather.

It was just a quick note, wishing me a belated happy birthday, and asking my opinion on something wildlife related.  It was, however, totally non-confrontational, and non-agressive.  Which is a big step.

I responded, he responded ... 3 e-mails back and forth each way.

Now, there was no real emotion in the exchange either.  I did tell him in my first response that I hoped he was well, but he didn't acknowledge that, so I matched his tone in further notes.

I am not reading anything into this - or at least that's what I'm telling myself - it is what it is.  I am not taking it as an olive branch, but maybe the tiniest of sprouts.  If nothing else, it is confirmation that he is still alive.  I know that may sound overly dramatic, but he is a suicide survivor (64% of suicide survivors try again), and I know his PTSD had been flaring up again.  On top of that, a well meaning acquaintance sent me an article regarding metal health issues in Canadian soldiers ... an article which referenced the large numbers of recent suicides and attempted suicides at the base when Sebastian is currently posted.  I was initially freaked out by the article, and it had been weighing on my mind somewhat.  Contact from him confirming he is alive is, honestly, reassuring, and is enough.

I have always said that him being happy and well is a top priority for me, even if that means I can't be part of his life any more; knowing he is alive takes a huge weight off my mind.

It did occur to me today that when the Wolf and I parted company, Sebastian told me to give it six months, and that the Wolf would come back begging forgiveness, realizing he had been a fool.

Its been 5 months since the initial incident which caused Sebastian to cut me out of his life.

Nightmares need to be earned?

At the training I was at last week, after dinner a few of us would walk out to a little island that was part of the base, and chat.  Due to the nature of the training, and the fact we knew we had, to some degree, a common foundation, we were fairly open in our conversations.  I had a few really good conversations with one vet in particular about nightmares, and more will show up here later on some of the things he made me think about.

One of the walks was just three of us.  The vet I just mentioned, myself, and another peer who was also on the "family" side, like me.  The nightmare conversation was getting going pretty good.  We weren't going into any details about imagery, but we were discussing intensity, dream hangovers, and general strategies.

  During a lull in the chat, the other family volunteer looked at me and said "Wait - were you in the military yourself?"  I replied that I wasn't, and then she said "Well, what do you mean you have nightmares?"  She honestly seemed confused by the fact that I could have nightmares without actually having served.

I was confused because I thought (and still think) everyone has nightmares.  Maybe not too the "night terror" level, or even intense nightmares, but most people have them. 

I find it really odd that someone would question, almost to the point of challenging me, on the "truth" of having nightmares without having served.

An aside, from WebMD: "While it's true nightmares are more common among children, one out of every two adults has nightmares on occasion. And between 2% and 8% of the adult population is plagued by nightmares" 

I don't wanna go home - a quickie update

Hey gang.


I have been at a base this week doing a training course for OSISS ~ http://osiss.ca/engraph/index_e.asp?sidecat=1 


I will post a bit more about the week later, but tomorrow is our last day and ... I don't want to go home.


I had a little emotional moment tonight when I realized how much I miss being around the culture and everything else that comes with being on a base, but much more than that I have very quickly bonded with the people I have met here.  The program is founded on peer support - the support of people who have been in the same situation as you - and the level of comfort and connection I have felt with the other 15 soldiers and family members who are here is amazing.  I am not ready to leave them yet; I am not ready to go home.


But I must, so I will.


More to come ...

Red Friday Part 2 ~ Royal Canadian Navy Ship HMCS Algonquin Crosses Pearl Harbor - RIMPAC 2012

Red Friday - Canadian RIMPAC love ...

All photos from US Pacific Fleet's RIMPAC 2012 photostream on Flicker
http://www.flickr.com/photos/43397645@N06/sets/72157630315253106/

Mis-Heard Commercials ... Marineland

Just heard a commercial for a contest to win a

"VIP Marine Land Weekend"

My brain went here:

Before I realized they actually meant this:

I think I would prefer the first version.

~~sigh~~

Family Photos ...

A just for fun post.


I came into possession of an old family photo album, from Dad's side of the family.  There are some photos in it that are old enough they are actually plated on metal; and some that are on paper but you can see metals in the inks if you look at them from an angle.  Some interesting ones:

Ya, the family has a thing for animals 

Love the 'stache ...

Did I mention this seemed to be family photos?  Dad's family?  The 100% Irish side of the family, that occasionally make editorial comments about my mom's side having rumours of "gypsy" blood?  This is one of the tintypes in the album ... there are also photos of a younger girl in some of the photos who bears a resemblance to both this gentleman, and one of my old "maiden" aunts ... I think someone edited a chapter of the family history somewhere along the line.