Health Coaching ... the big picture

I mentioned some time ago I was enrolling in Health Coaching, and some of you indicated a wish to know more ... well, let your wishes be fulfilled!

This was prompted partly by a number of dietary restrictions I have, and a few other health concerns.  But mostly by opportunity - one of the lovely ladies with whom I belly Dance just happens to be a certified Health Coach, and gives a free initial consultation to other dancers at the same studio.  After an incredibly frustrating visit with a Hospital Dietician, I took her up on her offer, and ended up signing up for 6 months of coaching.

I meet with my coach every 2 weeks.  While the primary focus is on diet and nutrition, she takes a holistic approach to looking at the client's life, and addresses small, realistic changes that can be made.  While there is education in notrition and other things, a lot of it is about learning to listen to and read the cues your own body is giving you.  The coach realizes that what works for her may not work for everyone.  Her body is happiest on a vegan diet; we are pretty sure mine would not be.  And that's OK.

We have had some good, informative sessions on food, but lately we have been talking more about my exhaustion, my need to please others, and where that stems from.  I was happy today to be able to report to my coach that I have seriously scaled back my Legion commitments to 3 days or so a month (unless they need me for a special event) and am going back to doing some things that nurture my soul - movement (belly dance, martial arts, the gym). music, and crafts, as well as just some long overdue down time.

We also talked about my issues with my mom, and I processed some things that happened this weekend past.  I am pretty sure I am going to spend Christmas with Sebastian at his place, instead of going to my parents, which will be a very big thing, but I think is the best for me.

One of the things she has recommended to me is "Early Morning Pages", based on an activity in The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron.  In short, it is a commitment to get up in the morning and write two stream of conciousness pages, on anything, before your mind has been "cluttered" with e-mails, phone calls, news, or other distractions.  We'll see how that goes.  You may be seeing some of the reults on these pages!

My other "homework" from this session is to start setting some boundaries in my interactions with others: in reality to become pro-active about situations instead of reactive.

I'll keep y'all posted on that one, too.

more "Emotional" thoughts

So as predicted, Sebastian, being the type of dude that he is, got my "you know I am here for you and I support you" e-mail and responded with an "OK ... yes, thank you, I am secure in that ... what's happened to trigger this?" type e-mail.  He said he was secure in my support of him, and asked if there was maybe someone else I felt the need to send that message to, someone who I felt doubted my support. (yep, he knows I am at my parents house this weekend)

I gave him the briefest gloss of background on the other situation, told him my response there, and then my longer brain-puke here, and the comments I got (both the initial one from anonymous and the following messages of support).  I indicated that I was compensating for someone else, feeling bad for a soldier whose name I didn't even know... and in reality, was likely trying to send a message to that soldier, and using Sebastian as a surrogate.

He responded that however noble it was, I shouldn't feel personally responsible for the happiness and mental security of every deployed military member (Whhaaaaat??  I can't save the world single handedly?  Come on!)

He reassured me that he knew how dedicated I was, not just to him, but the the forces at large, past and present, and that my marital status did not reflect my degree of dedication or involvement, nor did any label on my relationship with him.  He knew that my history with the Wolf, and the degree of background and knowledge on things CF related, did indeed give me a certain perspective ... although really, everyone is entitled to their feelings and emotions.

And that "touchy MilWives going through thier own shit and lashing out at me" would do so regardless of my martial status.  He has very direct first hand knowledge of whether a ring or a wedding certificate are indications of levels of support.

He knows my reality.  He knows my background.  He knows what I do, my volunteer work, etc.  And he supports me as much as I support him.

So Anonymous, if you are still reading, I thank you for asking me to examine my thoughts and feelings, and for giving me the opportunity to have an open, honest, frank discussion with Sebastian about some things.  All in all, I have to say it has ended up as a positive experience.

To everyone who supported me here and elsewhere, thank you for your support.

And for those of you who are not privy to the other board, I am also very please to relay that the woman who was in distress has had some time to process her feelings, and is working through things WITH her husband.  Which in my book, is a very good thing, and I wish them all the best.  Truly.

Red Friday - Support the Troops

Emotional dump ...

There is a bit of a debate going on right now on a MilSpouse/Family chat board I frequent, and discretion being the better part of valour and all, I haven't been as blunt there as I would like to be. So I am going to let some things out here, to get them out, since it is weighing heavily on my emotions.

For those of my readers who *know* who Sebastian is in real life, you are likely about to learn some things you didn't know ... please keep them to yourself. While he likes to be honest about his experiences with PTSD, in the hopes of helping others and reducing the stigma involved ... it is not something he is proud of.

The trigger: There is a new mother on the chat board who is having a hard time dealing with her new baby, plus her child from a previous relationship, post-pregnancy hormones, recovery from a C-section ... and a deployed husband. She is frustrated, depressed, and resentful of her husband and his chosen career.

The part of her post that really resonated with me was when she said she was thinking about "taking a break from her husband", although I assume, based on other context, she actually means taking a break from communication with him.

The Backstory:
(author's note: I am editing this paragraph at 23:15, not in response to comments that appear below, but only to remove some details I included that I am no longer comfortable sharing. They might be details that could later be mis-used, and my comfort level is a little lower than normal right now)
Sebastian was in the sand and starting his second tour when a couple of incidents resulted in significant casualites, and left the troops physically and emotionally exhausted. This was the beginning of a tour that would see many such emotionally draining and morally damaging incidents.

Unfortunately, during this same tour, Sebastian's wife decided that she didn't care for the MilSpouse Existence, that she didn't like being "abandonded", that she wasn't going to put up with it ... and she withdrew from him. "Took a break" from him, if you will. She went further to fill her time with another man, but that is not her worst offence, in my view (and yes, I admit that I have only heard Sebastian's side of this story). She left him without the emotional base at home, the security of knowing his home life was there for him to come home to, when he had suffered emotional and moral trauma. She left him adrift to deal with the horrors that he was facing, without the momentary distractions that a phone call or e-mail from home, filled with little every day details, can provide. At this point in his life, he was also not in touch at all with his birth family.

When he came home, he tried to heal ... he tried to repair things with his wife... but she ended up leaving anyway, and his damage was so great, and his foundation and coping system so damaged, that in the end he gave up ... and tried to take his own life. Thank all the powers that be that he was found, and received treatment, both physical and mental, and is here today. He grew from this experience, but still bears the mental scars.

So when the woman on the chat board feels that one of the answers to her suffering is to cut her deployed husband out of the picture for a while ... I have a very deep, visceral reaction to that, because I know what that could do to her husband. Yes, I am sure that caring for a newborn while alone is hard. But I am pretty sure that being away from your wife and newborn, while people are shooting at you and trying to blow you up, is also pretty freaking hard, and loosing that contact from home, that foundation that helps you get through your days ... I know she would not forgive herself if something happened to him.

And right now I am having a very, very hard time forgiving her for considering that option.

It probably doesn't help that there are some frequency/jamming issues right now and I can't actually communicate with Sebastian much ... and I am feeling kinda needy, myself. This has stirred up a lot of feeling. I know he knows that I am here, that I am not going anywhere, and that I am strong enough to handle the separation. He may not need to hear it from me again, but I need to tell him. I did send him an e-mail (that I am sure will make him wonder where the hell that came from), but I just ... need.

Hopefully dumping some of the emotion here will help.

Thanks for listening.

Happy (American) Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.

In the spirit of being thankful for what I can, and taking every opportunity to try to recognize it, here is what I am Thankful for today, in no particular order:

~ that my dad is sill around to celebrate his 84th birthday this weekend - go dad!
~ that he has my beautiful niece to celebrate it with, and he has had a chance to know her, and she him
~ that I have had the chance to personally know so many of the brave men and women who do their part for our country, and the world, through their service in the Armed Forces
~ that modern technology lets me have semi-regular communication with a very special member of that group, even though he is far away from me right now
~ that the aforementioned special guy exits, and that we were brought together and have had a chance to know each other
~ that I have a job I *mostly* love, which allows me a comfortable life style
~ that I have many true friends, both "real life" and on-line, who support me and share their lives with me
~ that I have had 14 wonderful years with my fur-child, and she shows no signs of slowing down yet
~ that I live in a country that allows me, a woman, to have all the opportunities I do
~ that I live in a country that allows me access to health care so that I can live the most productive, fullfilling life I can, in spite of a few challenges

Count all your blessings, friends, and bless all you can.

Peace and love be with you all.

I don't understand

Today's post was going to be about something else entirely, about light topics like weight loss and homecoming, and things like that.

But I read the news before I came here, and my lightness has leaked out.

CBC: Crank Caller Tells Military Families Thier Loved One Has Been Killed

Now, we are all told, repeatedly, that the Canadian Military DOES NOT DO THIS WITH A PHONE CALL.  If the worst were to happen, 2 people in uniform show up at your door, and one of them (the Assisting Officer) stays with you.  You absolutely, under no circumstances, get a phone call.

Even knowing that, to have your phone ring in the middle of the night, when the other side of your bed is empty, and have someone tell you your partner, son, or other loved one has been killed by an IED ... I don't know how many of us would have the wherewithall to remember that is not how things are done, to hang up and dial *57 to initiate a trace on the call, and to report it to the police.  I expect most of us would have some sort of breakdown first.
I usually don't read the comments posted after on-line news articles, because they generally make me angry.  But I would like to send a huge national hug out to all the Canadian (an others, likely) commenters who have been universally supportive of military families, and who fall into 2 camps regarding the creep who has done this: 1) release his name to the public, and let the public deal with him, and 2) send him over to the sand, and let him feel what it is like.

My heart goes out to any families who have been a victim of this horrid, horrid person.

Of course, the other thing in the news today is the escalating tensions between North and South Korea, and specifically China and the US by association, although the tensions are of course spilling to other countries as well.

As my brother once pointed out to me, regarding the Wolf at the time, "well, at least he has job security - there's always gonna be someone out there who needs killing", we were all hoping that the next major conflict wouldn't rear its head quite so soon.

Special prayers to the sailors on the USS George Washington and their families for safety, the people of the Koreas for peace, and all leaders for wisdom.

days ... not weeks, DAYS!!!!!!

Chatting with Sebastian this morning, he mentioned how many days it is until he leaves the sandbox.  It is still double digits, but low enough that he is actually counting it in days now too.  Days.  Not weeks, days.


I'm a little excited, can ya tell?


Of course, he also told me how many days he has spent there total, between 4 tours.  A number which even impressed the CO presenting them with their service ribbons early today.  The CO made a comment along the lines he could apply for permanent residnet status.  Ummm, no thank you, please send him home.

Days.

Homecoming Brain

When a woman is in the last stages of pregnancy, and into the early stages of caring for her new infant, she often experiences something referred to as "Baby Brain". Baby brain is thought to be an evolutionary adaptation that was designed to focus the woman's energy and instincts on protecting herself and the new life she is responsible for. It so focusses her mental energy it often causes problems with short term memory and cognitive reasoning.

I am wondering tonight if homecoming brain works the same way, although I can't come up with a logical evolutionary reason for it. Maybe some univeristy somewhere can get a government grant to study it and see if similar hormones released when anticipating the return of a loved one from a danger zone, compared to the act of giving birth?

All I know is that the closer we get to Sebstian's return, the more often I find myself standing in the living room, wondering what I came in for ... driving into town, and getting there and not remembering what store I was going to, or why ... stopping half way through a sentance, without the train of thought I was on ... and most often, turning on my computer, and finding that hours have passed, and I haven't done anything constructive, at all.

Of course, I wake up at 2 am and remember all the things I meant to do. I do keep a pen and paper beside my bed. Sometimes I even use them.

Does this happen to the rest of you?

OSISS

I spent the afternoon at a Family Support Group (FSG) meeting regarding PTSD. The intention of the meeting was to make the families of the soldiers soon returning aware of some of the possible causes, signs, and symptoms of PTSD and other OSIs (Operational Stress Injuries) and some of the places that they can go for help if they suspect their loved one is suffering an OSI.

OSISS is a peer support organization primarily staffed by volunteers, with a paid coordinator who generally looks after a large region. The volunteer who came and spoke to us today is the wife of a combat veteran who came home from Bosnia-Croatia with PTSD. Kinda like the Wolf came home from Bosnia-Croatia with PTSD. We bonded pretty darn quickly.

The presentation was interesting. Becasue of where I live, the majority of the others in the support group are parents of reserve soldiers, with a coupld of girlfriends, but all the other loved ones are on their first tour. When we were doing introductions and I mentioned Sebastian was on his 4th tour of Afghanistan, the looks I got were mostly horror. Kinda like people look at a car accident. Awkward. I was also the only other one in the room, beside the speaker, who had "lived" PTSD.

The presentation was awesome. As the speaker kept explaining to us what her role was, how OSSIS works, etc, I was feeling drawn in ... like this is somewhere I can help, something I could do.

After the presentation, the speaker came and talked to me about an OSI/PTSD family support group. OSISS is mandated to facilitate these groups, but there has never been one in our area. The speaker and I have decided to start a small group, the 2 of us, and see if we can attract more members.

I will start with this, and then see if I still feel called to do more, and can find the time in my schedule, or make the time, to do more. I have been feeling less than completely satisfied with my career and my volunteer commitments lately, and I am wondering if this is what I have been waiting for.

I ♥ technology ...

Sorry I have been a bit quiet lately, peeps, I have been crazy busy with work.  I have a lot to share, just not much time to share it!

I managed to have 2 chats with Sebastian today - an MSN chat when I got up, just before he headed to supper, and a video chat tonight as he was getting ready for work, and I was chilling out before bed.

I love that he is in a place right now where he has access to high speed internet, and we can video chat.  The sound wasn't working well, so we went back to typing, but I could see his face, his expressions, his reactions to things.  I could look at him and know he is well, he looks happy enough, healthy.  I got to look around his room where he is now, see his "place", how he is living.  He got to see me, and the dogs.

And at one point as he was getting dressed, he was standing so that I could only see him from chest to just above the knee, and he was strapping on his side arm, thigh holster ... oh baby, get me a glass of ice water.  Not fair to do that when I am not going to see him for a while longer. I don't know what it was about watching him strap the holster to his leg, check the weapon, and casually sit back down again ... I don't think I have any bondage fantasies ... but it works for me!  Of course, I honestly don't think he even realized wht he had done.  Men.

The countdown is on to him being home for good.  For this round, at least.

He has been mentioning the Wolf lately,  and I don't know if it is out of an insecurity as the end of deployment approaches, or what is causig it.  It may just be because of where he is right now, which is where the Wolf spent the majority of his time.

So I realayed to Sebastian this little story tonight:

A friend is doing her Masters in Social Work, focussing on PTSD/OSI's effects on families & loved ones.  She asked me to write my story with the Wolf out for her, to summarize it, which I did.  And when I was done writing, I realized I was done.  I can comfortably put the incident in its box, and put it on the shelf.  It will always be with me, but it no longer has any power over me.  I am done.

And it feels really, really good.

Red Friday: Standing Strong & True (For Tomorrow) Official Music Video (HD)

WeSaluteOurHeroes1 November 03, 2010
"Standing Strong and True (For Tomorrow)," is an all-star Canadian country single dedicated to fallen Canadian soldiers and their families.

For more info: http://www.wesaluteoutheroes.ca/

Music video Produced by Fahrenheit Films. Director/Editor: Antonio Hrynchuk. Cinematographer: Ray Dumas. Producers: Hrynchuk / Susan Busse.

Artists Featured:Aaron Pritchett, AJ Woodworth, Alex J Robinson, Beverley Mahood, Chad Brownlee, Chris Thorsteinson (of Doc Walker), Crystal Shawanda, Dean Brody, Diane Chase, Emerson Drive, Hey Romeo, Jake Mathews, Jamie Warren, Jason Blaine, Jason McNabb (of Marshal Reign), Jaydee Bixby, Jessie Farrell, Jo Hikk, Michelle Wright, One More Girl, Ridley Bent, Sean Hogan, Stacey McKitrick, Tara Oram, Terri Clark, The Heartbroken, The Higgins, Victoria Banks

Fallen Soldiers Tribute - My Immortal

Honour the fallen, but also thank God that such people lived.

Pro Patria

April 16, 2009 — Fallen Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan Part 1 Video These are of course not all of Canada's 152 fallen, but I wanted to put a video out with real life photos of our fallen and not DND released pictures as almost all videos use respectfully. This was done after watching a British tribute to their soldiers and I liked how it was done so I wanted to make a Canadian version.

Title: My Immortal

Artist: Evanescence

Album:Fallen (2003)

Label: Wind-up

Writer(s): Ben Moody, Amy Lee

Not as tough as I pretend to be.

HTLA is over, and my boy is heading back to the sand. (Edit add: when I say my boy, I mean Sebastian, the man I am dating, not my son.  I am sorry for any confusion this caused.)

I am trying to focus on the fact that this round will soon be really over, and he will be home for a while.  I am trying to be positive, and happy, and look forward to the next reunion, but the fact is he is going back there, and it breaks my heart.

All the videos and commercials for Veteran's Week are hittng hard; I am spending a lot of time with kleenex in hand this week.  I will be laying a wreath for the Rememberance Day Service on Thursday, I am hoping I can do it without completely falling apart.

I will probably get one more video call with Sebastian before he leaves Canadian soil.  I hope that I can hold it together until he signs off, the same as I did when he went at the beginning of all this.  Then have my tears in private, with him none the wiser.  Oh, I know he likely suspects, but if he doesn't have to face the reality of it, it is easier on us both.

Before he went away at the beginning of this deployment, we had a good talk about tears, and fears, and emotions.  I explained to him why his sister and I cry when we say goodbye, and challenged him on his own feelings about those tears.  He was suprised by what I said, and he did spend some time thinking about it.

Soon, soon, soon, this will all be a memory, and I will have him back under the same stars.  Soon.

Long Time Comin'

I would like to welcome, and thank, the readers who have visited from the Dona Nobis Pacem main page.  Please make yourself at home, and I hope you find something you enjoy.  There is a little bit of everything here. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lyrics

Oliver James - Long Time Coming lyrics

I didn't know this song until I looked it up.  A psychic I was talking with said she didn't know why, but it suddenly popped into her head that this was the perfect song for Sebastian and I.  I looked it up on YouTube (source of all information!) and I have to say it has quickly made a home in my heart.

Veterans Week 2010 ~ How will you remember?

Veteran's Week 2010, November 5 - 11

I Am A Veteran (Video)

How will You Remember?

Dona Nobis Pacem

Blog Blast For Peace - November 4, 2010

Video: Rememberance Day: A Soldier Cries  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8gRx8tWJmI&feature=player_embedded

We are thankful for all those that have given their lives, their safety, their comfort, so that we may know peace.

We are grateful and proud of those that leave their families, the safety of their homeland, and go to help create peace and justice in other lands.

We pray that someday the world will know peace, and our loved ones will not have to leave us to fight in wars.

We pray that those who bear invisible wounds suffered in the pursuit of peace, will someday find peace in their own minds.

Dona Nobis Pacem.

Care Package Withdrawal ...

Soon, all my peeps will be home from the sand, for this time around at least. (Pause for a moment while I bask in the glow of indescribable happiness ... OK, I'm back)

With the mail delays caused by Canada no longer being able to use the place-where-we-are-no-longer-welcome, mail is taking too long to get there, so I am not to send any more care packages to Sebastian, the Mini-Medic, or anyone else, since they will likely not get them.

I am having a hard time turning off that little voice in my head that analyzes everything I see, to judge if it would be appreciated, and how well it would withstand shipping. I am having a hard time not putting the basic "care package" stuff in my cart when I go shopping. Between the Wolf and Sebastian and others, I have been doing this for well over a year now.

I have 2 things I will be doing to fill the void. First, Sebastian does live 8 hours by car away, so I will still be sending him silly things in the mail. 2, I will be checking out Chosen Soldier, http://www.trevlac.biz/Chosen_Soldier.htm , to adopt a soldier who might not have the support from home available.

If anyone has experience with Chosen Soldier, or any other similar program, I would love to hear about it!