Thank goodness for older (wiser) brothers.

One of the side effects of my scar tissue on my brain is that my sense of elapsed time is messed.  In my head, everything in the past is virtually yesterday, and everything in the future is tomorrow.

If the rumours are correct, I will be given notice in September that my current position will end March 31st.

Which, as my darling older brother pointed out, is not actually tomorrow.  I really don't have to have my plan in place by tomorrow night.  I can take some time to think.  To research and to plan.

After all, the job market sucks at the beginning of summer, when everyone has access to student labour.

I am writing that down so I can remember it.  I may post it on my bathroom mirror, too, just to be safe.

Mid life crisis?

It seems like many of my friends my age, myself included, are going through some sort of "mid life crisis", or at least mid life dissatisfaction. (if the 35 - 45 age counts as mid life?)


Except we are not buying fast cars, getting fake tans, and having extra-marital affairs. We are going back to school and changing careers. Some of us part time, some of us are throwing in the towel completely and quitting our jobs and returning full time.

I have been spending a lot of time lately thinking about my job, my career, and the things that I like and don't like about my current job, and the things I like and don't like about some of the volunteer opportunies I participate in, and gerenalls how to be happy and fullfilled, and get enthusiastic about my life again.


I was wondering if it was time for a change, time to look at other opportunities. I actually had a blog post written outlining my thoughts and feelings, and some options. Then the powers that be threw this lilttle wrinkle into things:

The powers that be in the government might be phasing out our program. They are at very least looking at us for some cost savings. Which is to say right now they are not declaring anyone's position surplus (government talk for laying you off), but they are not replacing anyone who retires, or otherwise leaves their position.

So basically, if I choose to move on to a new opportunity, I am signing the death warrant for the programs and volunteers I facilitate in this community.

I am still looking at some schooling, part time, but no big career change any time soon.  Of course, there are other things that will affect these decisions; I need to also place myself in a position to be marketable in a different georgraphic location, potentially.  But right now it is more like a poker game, playing the cards carefully, seeing what cards the other players have.

To follow your passion ...

To follow your passion, you kinda need to know what it is first.

I have been thinking about this on and off lately.  I have had a restlessness with my job, not true unhappiness, just the feeling that I am not where I am supposed to be, not doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I am coming up on 3 years in this position.

I just read an article on Yahoo! News about a lady who was given a terminal cancer diagnosis, went into remission, and has now changed careers and is living her dream - to be a truck driver.  She had some truly inspirational words about being happy NOW, for one never knows what lies around the corner.

I have been thinking about it in terms of my current career.  When I was on contract I used to move every six months.  Usually I was brought into a project or situation that had lagged, often because the previous person had lost their passion or drive, and was asked to revitalize it. I absolutely loved the challenge of looking at a project or situation, seeing where it has gone off the rails, and finding ways to get it back on track, breathe the life back into it.

Then to leave again before I got to be the one who has stagnated, who has lost their passion.

I am not saying I am not grateful for the chance to be a permanent full time employee, the benefits, pension, seniority, and all that jazz ... but at what cost?  Do I have to trade my passion for security?

I am most passionate, most alive, lately, when I am talking with people, helping them work through problems.  For example, talking with the other members of the FSG, helping them find out why they are really sad or stressed, listening to them, letting them tell their story, and helping them come up with strategies to make things better.

I started out in psychology in post secondary, but quickly realized that at the time my heart was too much on my sleeve, and I had too much of a need to save the world.  I would blame myself when things didn't work out, and would have burned myself out much too quickly.  Have I grown out of that?  Can I find a helping type profession where I would be able to fullfill my need to help without destroying myself in the process?  I think so ... but I don't know how to be sure.

Sebastian has an on-going joke with me that someone with my skill set should be a spy ... but I really don't think that is a career I will pursue.  I looked up on the CSIS web site - the pay is not great, for one thing!  Then again, not one ever went into the environmental field for the money, either.

I am going to move forward with something; likely start with some correspondance courses.  I have been offered direct entry into 3rd year of a couple of different programs at a Canadian Univeristy; and I can take a few courses before I need to commit to a path. 

When I was first entering post secondary, I was accepted to both Political Science streams and Psychology streams at different, well respected universities.  I chose psychology.  I do not regret that choice ... I am just wondering which one to make now.

A counselling psychology stream?  Psychology of the Environment / Evolutionary Psychology, which is something I have always found fascinating?  Poli-Sci?

I have no idea.  But I need to do something.

OSISS

I spent the afternoon at a Family Support Group (FSG) meeting regarding PTSD. The intention of the meeting was to make the families of the soldiers soon returning aware of some of the possible causes, signs, and symptoms of PTSD and other OSIs (Operational Stress Injuries) and some of the places that they can go for help if they suspect their loved one is suffering an OSI.

OSISS is a peer support organization primarily staffed by volunteers, with a paid coordinator who generally looks after a large region. The volunteer who came and spoke to us today is the wife of a combat veteran who came home from Bosnia-Croatia with PTSD. Kinda like the Wolf came home from Bosnia-Croatia with PTSD. We bonded pretty darn quickly.

The presentation was interesting. Becasue of where I live, the majority of the others in the support group are parents of reserve soldiers, with a coupld of girlfriends, but all the other loved ones are on their first tour. When we were doing introductions and I mentioned Sebastian was on his 4th tour of Afghanistan, the looks I got were mostly horror. Kinda like people look at a car accident. Awkward. I was also the only other one in the room, beside the speaker, who had "lived" PTSD.

The presentation was awesome. As the speaker kept explaining to us what her role was, how OSSIS works, etc, I was feeling drawn in ... like this is somewhere I can help, something I could do.

After the presentation, the speaker came and talked to me about an OSI/PTSD family support group. OSISS is mandated to facilitate these groups, but there has never been one in our area. The speaker and I have decided to start a small group, the 2 of us, and see if we can attract more members.

I will start with this, and then see if I still feel called to do more, and can find the time in my schedule, or make the time, to do more. I have been feeling less than completely satisfied with my career and my volunteer commitments lately, and I am wondering if this is what I have been waiting for.