Red Friday - Salute 4 Harry

Naked Soldiers and Wounded Warrior Support.  Who could ask for anything more?

http://www.salute4harry.co.uk/

I'm sure most people have heard about a certain British Air Force Captain who was in Vegas blowing off some steam with his mates prior to heading back to Afghanistan.  Some photos got taken of a drunken, naked romp, and those pictures got published.  Did I mention said Air Force Captain happens to be 4th in line for the British throne?

Some of his mates in the British Armed Forces decided to show their support, and it has now become a fundraising campaign for "Walking With The Wounded", a support organization for injured military members.  Head on over and check them out, on their web page or on FaceBook!

Blue Moon

August 31's full moon is a Blue Moon :)

Happy Blogiversary to me.

A friend of mine shared this on FaceBook yesterday, and I thought it suited today's post:

I started this blog 3 years ago  as a diary for myself.  I was committed to my relationship with the Wolf, and preparing for his deployment to the sand.

We've come a long way, baby.

Three years seems like such a short time, yet so much has happened.  I have grown so much, and changed, and I believe became a stronger person.  I have made some wonderful friends, some of whom I have had the pleasure to meet in person, and some, even though I only "know" you through this forum, I still value greatly for your wisdom and warmth.

Thanks you , to each and every one of you, for making this journey with me.

Red Friday - better late ...

(The first patch that got sewn on to my motorcycle vest!)

Hearing lots of rumours today ~ many extra prayers going out.

Guilt and blame are evil things ...

I was at a fundraising event this weekend past that involves around 150 people camping for 2 nights.  It is a big party, dinner, raffles, dance, etc out in the country.  Alcohol flows freely.

Friday is set up, and a dinner for the volunteers, then a chance for the volunteers to kick back and party a bit before our big day Saturday.  Increasingly, non-volunteers have been coming out on Friday, setting up their tents or what have you, and partying too.  This is the first year I have not had friends sharing my tent with me, but have been tenting by myself.  I set up as normal next to a friend, and then went and did my Friday volunteer stuff.

The party after went well into the wee hours.  There were people I knew, people, I recognized, and new faces.  It was a great time, I had a couple of drinks but didn't get drunk.  I am a friendly person until someone gives me a reason not to be, and was joking and enjoying myself, getting to know people.  There was a couple there I had only known casually before, and I spent some time with them; by the end of the night they were both pretty drunk.

I went to bed around 3:30 am.  I heard the party dying down around me, and was lying there listening to the sounds of the night, when I heard the zipper on my tent fly start to open.  It was the husband from the couple I had spent the time with.  Without too much detail, he laid down on my bed and tried to make himself quite at home, and I kept declining.  I kept trying to talk him into leaving and he kept trying to talk me into letting him stay.  After a couple of minutes I pushed him away and got up, unzipped the tent fly, and went out myself.  He followed me out and agreed to leave, but made it very obvious the offer stood.

There is a lot more to this that what I am writing here, but it gives you the background.  I didn't sleep the rest of the night, and when I went in to start my kitchen prep duties in the morning there were only a few people awake, including the landowner (M) who I like, but didn't know well.  M could tell I was upset, and the story came out.

Now it seems it is known within a circle that these folks have that sort of marriage where that is OK.  The landowner, M felt bad for not giving me the head's up on it; he thought I knew, and when he saw me friendly with them he was surprised but doesn't judge.  In hindsight he felt really bad about not telling me, but it is not his fault.  He did clue me in to a few other couples in the circle I need to be clear about my boundaries with.  And on the second night, I did not sleep in my tent, but in the house on the sofa, where the only males that invited themselves into my bed had four legs and fur.

Being me, I am beating myself up about the whole thing.  I should have known, I should have been more aggressive in stopping him from even getting in to my tent, I shouldn't have been as friendly with them earlier in the evening.

My rational brain knows that this was not my fault, that I didn't do anything wrong or anything to invite that behavior.  My rational brain knows that if there is awkwardness next time I see them, that it is not my fault, and I don't need to be the one who is embarrassed. 

But I have having a hard time getting that message from my brain to my heart and my gut.  I am having a hard time letting it go.  I am having a hard time not running "what ifs" in my head, about that night and about the future.

Red Friday - Happy 98th Birthday PPCLI

Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry (PPCLI)is one of Canada's most famous infantry regiments. Founded at the outbreak of World War One, the PPCLI quickly established a reputation for ground-breaking leadership, service and sacrifice. The PPCLI distinguished itself in both World Wars, Korea, Afghanistan and on numerous operations in support of the United Nations and NATO.

The Regiment has been awarded 39 Battle Honours, a United States Presidential Distinguished Unit Citation and two Commander-in-Chief Commendations for its overseas service.

The PPCLI is one of only three Canadian Regular Force infantry regiments. It comprises three Regular Force battalions:

• the First Battalion, garrisoned in Edmonton, Alberta;
• the Second Battalion, garrisoned in Shilo, Manitoba;
• the Third Battalion, garrisoned in Edmonton, Alberta;
• a Reserve Force battalion, The Loyal Edmonton Regiment, also known as 4 PPCLI;
• PPCLI Regimental Headquarters, based in Edmonton, Alberta; and
• The PPCLI Association, which consists of serving and retired soldiers and has 12 Branches across Canada.

National Peacekeeper's Day

In 2008, August 9 was officially designated as a day to honour Canadian peacekeepers who have served or are currently serving in peacekeeping operations around the world. Canada has demonstrated exceptional leadership internationally since the start of peacekeeping operations through its ongoing willingness to defend human rights and democratic values, and its close cooperation with its allies and partners.

The choice of August 9 is significant, and the date commemorates the great sacrifices made by Canadian peacekeepers, regardless of where they are stationed. On August 9, 1974, nine CF personnel who were part of an UN peacekeeping mission in Egypt were on a regular supply flight to the Golan Heights when their aircraft was shot down during a Syrian missile attack. These nine Canadian peacekeepers lost their lives in the attack, a tragic event in the history of Canada’s peacekeeping operations.

Every year on August 9, CF personnel, veterans and police officers take part in ceremonies across the country to mark National Peacekeepers’ Day. An official ceremony is also held in Ottawa every year at the National Peacekeeping Monument.

Climbing up the hill ...

I think I've been courting the edge of depression the last few months, but I am starting the climb back up.

(aside: I've never personally been fond of the term "black dog", because I've know too many black dogs in my time, and all of them were friendly and comforting.  That's just me)

Or, as I've been saying it bluntly, I seem to have my "give a fuck" back.

I have made a few conscious changes - turning off my work phone at 20:30 unless I actually have a late meeting; trying to make it to bed on time; less time on the computer and more time reading, and, very important for me, I have banned those mindless "tile matching" type computer games from my life.

I don't know if it is a side effect of the scar tissue on my brain, but those tile matching type games get me wound up.  I am highly competitive, and my friends play them, so I am inclined to go beat their scores, but then I get stuck and just keep playing, and don't notice the passage of time.  On days when I play, my insomnia is much, much worse.  I did talk to my neurologist about it, and he didn't really have any thoughts one way or the other, but he did think it was a possibility, and found it interesting.

It is kind of a chicken and egg thing; I don't know if the little changes have led to the cloud lifting a bit, or if the cloud lifting has enabled me to make the little changes, but I am getting more ambition to do things again, to care about things, to be social, etc.  I am trying my best to feed that feeling, and keep it going.  I am also trying to do things that make me be accountable to others; making "dates" with friends, etc.

I feel now like I am standing on the precipice of something big, something good, something positive ... I hope I have the courage to grab it when I get there.