I had a dream last night.
I was in a rather rural and shabby looking hospital, it looked like it had been converted from an elementary school. I have no idea why I was there, but I was in the hall, and I noticed someone stealing an infant - it was winter, and cold, and snowing, and this dark haired person just walked right out of the hospital with a naked infant in their arms, and no one stopped them. I tried to report it to the authorities, but no one would believe me. Until the next morning, when people noticed that a baby was gone. Then the people I tried to report it to got mad at me, and tried to shut me up.
I woke up this morning and kinda laughed it off as just a weird dream, told Sebastian about it ... and then realized something that I had been trying to bury for the last few days. I obviously didn't bury it very well.
Last year's post: I Will Always Love You
(And for anyone who wants the longer version, check out She Part 1 and She Part 2 ... which reminds me I never wrote Part 3 ...)
It is the third anniversary of two wonderful little boys coming into my life; two wonderful little boys that I would only get to know for a short time before they moved on again.
It is getting easier to think of them, to remember them, but the hurt is still there, and very deep.
Boys, wherever you are, I hope life has been gentle with you, and you are blossoming into the wonderful people that I know you can be. You are 6 and 7 now; I wish I could see you and know you, sing you to sleep again. I still miss you, and I will always love you ...
When the boys first came to us, I knew a couple of Russian lullabies, and obviously some in English, but "Stairway to Heaven" was the one guaranteed way to get the little one, my little monkey man, to fall asleep in my arms.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Welcome Home ...
Today is Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day in the United States. So I would like to take a moment to recognize John Coffey (Coffeypot), Sgt Charlie, and all the other Vietnam Veterans.
LYLT, boys.
And a big hug to your wives and families as well.
For Canadians, today also is the final trip home for the latest soldier to give his life trying to bring a better world to the people of Afghanistan. A 24 year old Cpl was killed Saturday. It was his first tour. He arrives back in Trenton today.
http://www.thebarrieexaminer.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3048402
(note: I do not list the name here out of disrespect, but to avoid this blog being found by folks searching the internet for information)
And finally, as our latest casualty journeys down the "Highway of Heroes", we also bid farewell to the man who co-wrote and recorded the song. Terry Sumsion passed away Saturday, surrounded by family, after a long battle with esophageal cancer. I have written before about a comment from a Vietnam Vet on seeing coverage of a Highway of Heroes procession ... and so this post closes the circle.
Bless you all, every single one, from every single effort our countries have made to improve the lives of others in the world, throughout history.
LYLT, boys.
And a big hug to your wives and families as well.
For Canadians, today also is the final trip home for the latest soldier to give his life trying to bring a better world to the people of Afghanistan. A 24 year old Cpl was killed Saturday. It was his first tour. He arrives back in Trenton today.
http://www.thebarrieexaminer.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3048402
(note: I do not list the name here out of disrespect, but to avoid this blog being found by folks searching the internet for information)
And finally, as our latest casualty journeys down the "Highway of Heroes", we also bid farewell to the man who co-wrote and recorded the song. Terry Sumsion passed away Saturday, surrounded by family, after a long battle with esophageal cancer. I have written before about a comment from a Vietnam Vet on seeing coverage of a Highway of Heroes procession ... and so this post closes the circle.
Bless you all, every single one, from every single effort our countries have made to improve the lives of others in the world, throughout history.
You are all heroes.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Mushy Mouse Mix song samples ...
Wait For Me, from Theory of a Deadman, is one of Sebastian's favorite "Deployment Songs"; he calls it "The Soldier's Song". I keep it on my iPod, on what he has christened my "Mushy Mouse Mix". The other song I have been going to a lot lately is Mike Corrado's "My Watch Tonight".
More samples, next time I am in the mood. In the mean time, enjoy.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Red Friday - Support the Troops
Red. Every Friday. No matter what I'm up to.
Its like the not-so-secret handshake that lets us know we're in this together.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Rights ...
Disclaimer: I really try to keep my comments on other people's blogs, and on chat boards, polite, non-confrontational, and moderate. But that means I get to come here and say what I really think.
I respect all my readers, and I hope you know I appreciate all your comments. As long as you keep them respectful, towards me and other readers, please disagree to your heart's content. Write me a novel telling me why I am wrong. I enjoy honest, respectful debate.
I read a blog of a person I feel close to in attitude, and sometimes in circumstance, although I have never met her in person. She is in an unhappy marriage, but is staying in it, for her own reasons. He husband is aware of her unhappiness. I will not go into more detail, as it is her story, not mine.
The subject of sex between them came up. She is not interested in having sex with this man. On her personal blog, while debating it, she said: "He does, afterall, have a right to sex (with his wife)"
I gotta admit, that pushed a button for me. I keep my personal baggage pretty well packed, but a snap on the suitcase popped when I read that line.
My comment I left was "No one has the "right to" have sex with you if you don't want to. No one. I don't give a rat's ass what the paperwork says. Nobody. Ever."
Some of the other readers disagree with me. I am not going ot get into a pissing contest with anyone on her blog, because that's not how I roll. But I need to get out the aftermath that has been in my head.
Near the end of our relationship, the last night we actually spent in each others company, to be precise, the Wolf was trying to "convince" me to do something I didn't want to. He got a bit physical/forceful, and said to me "Just because (of something from my past), that doesn't give you the right to say no to me when I want to do something to your body".
That line has haunted me since he said it.
Inintially, I was haunted because of what he said. I had no come back at the time, I just froze, as did he. I don't think he could even believe himself that he had crossed that line. He pushed me away, and rolled over. I doubt either of us slept much.
In the days that followed, it occurred to me that he was right. A moment from my past does not give me the right to say no to him.
The fact that I am a human being with feelings, deserving of respect, and with control over my own body and mind, gives me the right to say no.
The fact that he and I were engaged; the fact that this other woman is married, is irrelevant. No body has the right to make you do something, have sex, perform a certain way, if you don't want to. You do not "owe it to" anyone, regardless of their relationship to you.
For me, and thinking about the incident with the Wolf again, I am sad that this man I loved, who I still believe somewhere in his soul loved me back, had gotten to so dark a place that he would say something like that. He was the one that was supposed to protect me from the dark memories, not use them against me. That he was capable of saying that to me ... haunts me still. That he may believe it, not so much about me, but about himself ... also haunts me.
So that's where my head has been at the last couple of days ... good thing I usually have an office to myself, because some of my musical choices as of late have been interesting!
(End note: this is the first time this particular incident with the Wolf has seen the light of day since it happened. I told one other individual about it, months later, and it was very briefly discussed. Maybe, like other scabs, exposing it to light and air will help.)
I respect all my readers, and I hope you know I appreciate all your comments. As long as you keep them respectful, towards me and other readers, please disagree to your heart's content. Write me a novel telling me why I am wrong. I enjoy honest, respectful debate.
I read a blog of a person I feel close to in attitude, and sometimes in circumstance, although I have never met her in person. She is in an unhappy marriage, but is staying in it, for her own reasons. He husband is aware of her unhappiness. I will not go into more detail, as it is her story, not mine.
The subject of sex between them came up. She is not interested in having sex with this man. On her personal blog, while debating it, she said: "He does, afterall, have a right to sex (with his wife)"
I gotta admit, that pushed a button for me. I keep my personal baggage pretty well packed, but a snap on the suitcase popped when I read that line.
My comment I left was "No one has the "right to" have sex with you if you don't want to. No one. I don't give a rat's ass what the paperwork says. Nobody. Ever."
Some of the other readers disagree with me. I am not going ot get into a pissing contest with anyone on her blog, because that's not how I roll. But I need to get out the aftermath that has been in my head.
Near the end of our relationship, the last night we actually spent in each others company, to be precise, the Wolf was trying to "convince" me to do something I didn't want to. He got a bit physical/forceful, and said to me "Just because (of something from my past), that doesn't give you the right to say no to me when I want to do something to your body".
That line has haunted me since he said it.
Inintially, I was haunted because of what he said. I had no come back at the time, I just froze, as did he. I don't think he could even believe himself that he had crossed that line. He pushed me away, and rolled over. I doubt either of us slept much.
In the days that followed, it occurred to me that he was right. A moment from my past does not give me the right to say no to him.
The fact that I am a human being with feelings, deserving of respect, and with control over my own body and mind, gives me the right to say no.
The fact that he and I were engaged; the fact that this other woman is married, is irrelevant. No body has the right to make you do something, have sex, perform a certain way, if you don't want to. You do not "owe it to" anyone, regardless of their relationship to you.
For me, and thinking about the incident with the Wolf again, I am sad that this man I loved, who I still believe somewhere in his soul loved me back, had gotten to so dark a place that he would say something like that. He was the one that was supposed to protect me from the dark memories, not use them against me. That he was capable of saying that to me ... haunts me still. That he may believe it, not so much about me, but about himself ... also haunts me.
So that's where my head has been at the last couple of days ... good thing I usually have an office to myself, because some of my musical choices as of late have been interesting!
(End note: this is the first time this particular incident with the Wolf has seen the light of day since it happened. I told one other individual about it, months later, and it was very briefly discussed. Maybe, like other scabs, exposing it to light and air will help.)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Clumsy ...
PERTH - An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in east Perth.
The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.
Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, in the back.
The cut did not appear to be severe.
The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw...
Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
THE CLUMSY BASTARD !!!
The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.
Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, in the back.
The cut did not appear to be severe.
The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw...
Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
THE CLUMSY BASTARD !!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Expectations ...
There was a man, friend of a friend, we'll call hiim George. George was starting to go bald, so one Thursday night he shaved his head.
At the end of the day Friday, his boss came up to him and said "Come to my office first thing Monday morning, I need to talk to you" and walked away.
George worried all weekend. Was he in trouble for shaving his head? Did it present the wrong image? Was his job at risk? What was he going to do, what was he going to say, how would he handle this? George's kids wanted to go to the park, but George couldn't enjoy his time with them, because he was thinking about his boss. After the kids were in bed, Mrs George wanted to have some quality time with her husband, but George's heart wasn't in it. Poor George had himself worked into a frenzy by Monday morning. Sleep deprived and frightened, he went into his boss' office.
"Please shut the door", said the boss, looking mildly uncomfortable as well.
Geroge shut the door, a fine bead of sweat breaking out on his brow.
"Thanks for coming to see me George" said the boss. "I noticed you shaved your head. And, well ... I'm starting to go bald, and I wondered if that was why you did it? I have been thinking about shaving my head, and I wondered if you are glad you did it, happy with your decision?"
George was stunned. He had spent all weekend worrying, instead of enjoying himself ... for no reason.
~~~~~~~~~
I realy this story for two reasons.
One, be careful how you say things, because people can easily see an innocent comment through the filter of their own experience. Be aware of people's reactions to the things you say.
Two, and much more importantly: we often waste so much of our time, energy, and happiness, wondering what something "really means", and what "might happen", that we miss out on the important things in life.
On a small scale, I had texted Sebastian a few times yesterday, and never got a response. Of course, being me, I had convinced myself I had done something to upset him. Until today, when I got a text from him asking what I thought of some pics he had sent me ... he never received any of my texts.
On a large scale, with recent developments in Libya ... it will be very easy for us to "borrow trouble", and let our imaginations run.
So this is our new catch phrase - remind yourself, when you are having a "shaved head" moment, that the reality is likely going to be much less stressful than whatever your imagination is cooking up. Take a deep breath, and carry on.
At the end of the day Friday, his boss came up to him and said "Come to my office first thing Monday morning, I need to talk to you" and walked away.
George worried all weekend. Was he in trouble for shaving his head? Did it present the wrong image? Was his job at risk? What was he going to do, what was he going to say, how would he handle this? George's kids wanted to go to the park, but George couldn't enjoy his time with them, because he was thinking about his boss. After the kids were in bed, Mrs George wanted to have some quality time with her husband, but George's heart wasn't in it. Poor George had himself worked into a frenzy by Monday morning. Sleep deprived and frightened, he went into his boss' office.
"Please shut the door", said the boss, looking mildly uncomfortable as well.
Geroge shut the door, a fine bead of sweat breaking out on his brow.
"Thanks for coming to see me George" said the boss. "I noticed you shaved your head. And, well ... I'm starting to go bald, and I wondered if that was why you did it? I have been thinking about shaving my head, and I wondered if you are glad you did it, happy with your decision?"
George was stunned. He had spent all weekend worrying, instead of enjoying himself ... for no reason.
~~~~~~~~~
I realy this story for two reasons.
One, be careful how you say things, because people can easily see an innocent comment through the filter of their own experience. Be aware of people's reactions to the things you say.
Two, and much more importantly: we often waste so much of our time, energy, and happiness, wondering what something "really means", and what "might happen", that we miss out on the important things in life.
On a small scale, I had texted Sebastian a few times yesterday, and never got a response. Of course, being me, I had convinced myself I had done something to upset him. Until today, when I got a text from him asking what I thought of some pics he had sent me ... he never received any of my texts.
On a large scale, with recent developments in Libya ... it will be very easy for us to "borrow trouble", and let our imaginations run.
So this is our new catch phrase - remind yourself, when you are having a "shaved head" moment, that the reality is likely going to be much less stressful than whatever your imagination is cooking up. Take a deep breath, and carry on.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Men in Uniform ...
Two volunteer fire fighters lost their lives in battle today in a community near where I grew up.
I am the daughter of a man that started as a prison guard and became a police officer; he also served as a volunteer fire fighter. I am the ex of an Airman, the current of a Combat Soldier, and the friend to many in all uniforms.
My heart goes out to the families of these fallen, but also to all the wives and other loved ones who are comforted, yet still feeling guilty that they get to hold their fire fighter in their arms tonight, safe and sound. My heart goes out to those same people, who will wait with the heart a little higher in their throats the next few times the call goes out, until their loved one comes once more safe through the door.
Blessed be
I am the daughter of a man that started as a prison guard and became a police officer; he also served as a volunteer fire fighter. I am the ex of an Airman, the current of a Combat Soldier, and the friend to many in all uniforms.
My heart goes out to the families of these fallen, but also to all the wives and other loved ones who are comforted, yet still feeling guilty that they get to hold their fire fighter in their arms tonight, safe and sound. My heart goes out to those same people, who will wait with the heart a little higher in their throats the next few times the call goes out, until their loved one comes once more safe through the door.
Blessed be
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday Confessional
I would like to take today to clear up a little misconception that a number of people have about the relationship between Sebastian and I. Then I am going to muse a little about why I hesitate to correct people when they make this assumption, why I feel slightly embarrassed.
When I go visit Sebastian, I sleep in the guest room.
That's right, we are not having sex.
People who know me well might need smelling salts right now, since I do admit that I have a "healthy appetite", and in previous relationships I have been fairly quick to jump into bed. I am not saying that's why they failed, but I do think it may have affected my judgement, and definitely taken the "getting to know each other" phase down a different path. I also have some things from my past that makes sex give a cretain flavour to my overall behaviour in a relationship.
For Sebastian's part, he admits he was "a bit of a tramp" when he was younger, and his marriage was, well ... odd right from the word go. He didn't exactly go into it with his eyes wide open. He may have been distracted by other things.
We had a lot of time to talk, to get to know each other's personalities, learn how each other think, and share our hopes, dreams, issues, and morals while he was in the sandbox. Despite the distance and logistical challenges, we actually managed to have many really, really great conversations.
Since he has been home, we have spent a decent amount of time physically in each other's company, and text regularly through out the day, every day, including when I get up, coffee breaks, lunch, after work, and good night texts. Heck, the boy even texted me the other day to tell me he was going to be a bit late getting home from work. (We live 500 km apart. What, did he expect me to keep supper warm??)
I admit there are times when the sexual tension in the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. I cetainly occasionally let my mind wander to the "what if" stage.
For us, for both of us, this is the right way to proceed for now. To be valued as a person, to really get to know a man I am not sleeping with, and have them like me anyway, is quite a new thing for me. To feel so solid in the fact that his love for me is based on who I am, not what he "gets from me" in a physical sense, has taken some getting used to. I think it is, to a degree at least, the same for him.
Sex will be the right thing to do at some point. S has already said he won't "make the mistake again of marrying someone he hasn't lived with", and for both of us sex is an important part of a relationship. A part, however, that neither of us is ready for at this point, mentally and emotionally. Although I honestly think I have less baggage on this point than he does.
I don't think it makes us any less committed to each other. I don't think it makes our relationship any less real, any less loving, or any less important to either one of us.
But it does, often, embarass me to admit it; because, I think in society's eyes, sex makes a relationship "real", gives it legitimacy. I feel like I will be judged, that we will be judged, based on our choice. I know I shouldn't care about that, but sometimes is is just easier to let people jump to their conculsions, and not correct them.
Interestingly, I have shared this little detail with a few other people before now, and two other military wives I shared it with both said that their early relationships with thier husbands followed the same path. I don't know if this is another commonality to folks that wear the uniform*, or just a comonality in the people who seem to be ebcoming part of my social circle at this turn in my life.
*trust me, I know there are a lot of "tramps", male and female, in uniform as well
I have no doubts about what we have, and I know I shouldn't let the fear of other's judgements make me uncomfortable about the choice we have made. For the record, S is not embarassed at all, and will be quite blunt if asked. Maybe this is my "practice run" at becoming more comfortable with being proud of our choice, as opposed to embarrassed.
And please, those of you who throw the occasional innuendo into your comments, don't stop - they make me laugh, they don't make me uncomfortable. I just wanted to be completely honest today on this topic.
When I go visit Sebastian, I sleep in the guest room.
That's right, we are not having sex.
People who know me well might need smelling salts right now, since I do admit that I have a "healthy appetite", and in previous relationships I have been fairly quick to jump into bed. I am not saying that's why they failed, but I do think it may have affected my judgement, and definitely taken the "getting to know each other" phase down a different path. I also have some things from my past that makes sex give a cretain flavour to my overall behaviour in a relationship.
For Sebastian's part, he admits he was "a bit of a tramp" when he was younger, and his marriage was, well ... odd right from the word go. He didn't exactly go into it with his eyes wide open. He may have been distracted by other things.
We had a lot of time to talk, to get to know each other's personalities, learn how each other think, and share our hopes, dreams, issues, and morals while he was in the sandbox. Despite the distance and logistical challenges, we actually managed to have many really, really great conversations.
Since he has been home, we have spent a decent amount of time physically in each other's company, and text regularly through out the day, every day, including when I get up, coffee breaks, lunch, after work, and good night texts. Heck, the boy even texted me the other day to tell me he was going to be a bit late getting home from work. (We live 500 km apart. What, did he expect me to keep supper warm??)
I admit there are times when the sexual tension in the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. I cetainly occasionally let my mind wander to the "what if" stage.
For us, for both of us, this is the right way to proceed for now. To be valued as a person, to really get to know a man I am not sleeping with, and have them like me anyway, is quite a new thing for me. To feel so solid in the fact that his love for me is based on who I am, not what he "gets from me" in a physical sense, has taken some getting used to. I think it is, to a degree at least, the same for him.
Sex will be the right thing to do at some point. S has already said he won't "make the mistake again of marrying someone he hasn't lived with", and for both of us sex is an important part of a relationship. A part, however, that neither of us is ready for at this point, mentally and emotionally. Although I honestly think I have less baggage on this point than he does.
I don't think it makes us any less committed to each other. I don't think it makes our relationship any less real, any less loving, or any less important to either one of us.
But it does, often, embarass me to admit it; because, I think in society's eyes, sex makes a relationship "real", gives it legitimacy. I feel like I will be judged, that we will be judged, based on our choice. I know I shouldn't care about that, but sometimes is is just easier to let people jump to their conculsions, and not correct them.
Interestingly, I have shared this little detail with a few other people before now, and two other military wives I shared it with both said that their early relationships with thier husbands followed the same path. I don't know if this is another commonality to folks that wear the uniform*, or just a comonality in the people who seem to be ebcoming part of my social circle at this turn in my life.
*trust me, I know there are a lot of "tramps", male and female, in uniform as well
I have no doubts about what we have, and I know I shouldn't let the fear of other's judgements make me uncomfortable about the choice we have made. For the record, S is not embarassed at all, and will be quite blunt if asked. Maybe this is my "practice run" at becoming more comfortable with being proud of our choice, as opposed to embarrassed.
And please, those of you who throw the occasional innuendo into your comments, don't stop - they make me laugh, they don't make me uncomfortable. I just wanted to be completely honest today on this topic.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Vacations
A Canadian Tourist went missing in the sandbox in late Feb, and the Taliban are assumed to have him.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2011/02/28/canada-afghanistan-traveller.html
This has generated some fascinating conversations on the home front. Starting with:
Me: Really? Tourist Destination? What was he thinking?
and
So now I assume some folks are going to have to risk their personal safety to retrieve him
and leading fairly quickly to
Sebastian : Ya, Darwin in action. ... But I was thinking I'd like to take you there sometime, and show you around
Me: Um .... are you pulling my leg?
S: No, I would actually like to go there with you. Of course we are going to have to teach you some new skills first, but I am serious
(As an aside, I am already decent with an automatic weapon, edged weapons, and hand-to-hand, and I can act suitably meek and obedient if the situation requires it)
The conversation went on for about an hour, and in truth, I am kinda into the idea. S has spent almost 2 full years of his life in that country, and it has had a profound impact on him. He has a deep connection to the land and its people. From photos and videos he has shown me, there are some absolutely stunningly beautiful parts.
Now this is not happening next weekend or anything, but the seed has been planted. And it is taking root. I trust his judgement about where/when it would be safe for us to go, etc, etc.
Part of me thinks I am crazy ... but part of me thinks it could be an amazing adventure.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2011/02/28/canada-afghanistan-traveller.html
This has generated some fascinating conversations on the home front. Starting with:
Me: Really? Tourist Destination? What was he thinking?
and
So now I assume some folks are going to have to risk their personal safety to retrieve him
and leading fairly quickly to
Sebastian : Ya, Darwin in action. ... But I was thinking I'd like to take you there sometime, and show you around
Me: Um .... are you pulling my leg?
S: No, I would actually like to go there with you. Of course we are going to have to teach you some new skills first, but I am serious
(As an aside, I am already decent with an automatic weapon, edged weapons, and hand-to-hand, and I can act suitably meek and obedient if the situation requires it)
The conversation went on for about an hour, and in truth, I am kinda into the idea. S has spent almost 2 full years of his life in that country, and it has had a profound impact on him. He has a deep connection to the land and its people. From photos and videos he has shown me, there are some absolutely stunningly beautiful parts.
Now this is not happening next weekend or anything, but the seed has been planted. And it is taking root. I trust his judgement about where/when it would be safe for us to go, etc, etc.
Part of me thinks I am crazy ... but part of me thinks it could be an amazing adventure.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
But ... you're not him
I was at S's place this weekend, and Monday morning I was stretched out on the sofa watching him get dressed for work.
~ sigh ~
Sorry, where was I?
Oh ya.
So I am watching him get dressed, and he said to me "this must bring back some memories for you, watching a soldier get dressed for work in the morning. The last soldier you watched get dressed in the morning was the Wolf"
(Honestly, the only memories I was having was the day when he was still in the sand and was getting dressed for his day while we were on web cam, him seemingly oblivious to the fact I was watching ... and I needed a cold shower after ... shiver)
I responded to him in confusion, and said no, I wasn't having any "flashbacks", because "you're not him". And I thanked him for thinking of it and being concerned.
He stared at me for a minute, then laughed a little, and told me I was strange ...
Unfortunately, he had to go to work, and I had to head for home, so we didn't get to pursue the conversation. I still think in his head he thinks I am comparing him to the Wolf, because they are both male and both soldiers I guess. I don't know what, if anything, I can do to get him to understand that I know he is a different person, and I am not expecting him to do things the Wolf did.
Is it really that unusuall to be able to look past a person's clothing or physical appearance and see them as an individual?
We have had variations on this conversation before - when he asked why I would ever want to get involved with another soldier, and I said I didn't see him or the Wolf as soldiers, they were people, and two different people.
I threw it back to him once, lovingly, reminding him that I was not his ex wife, and he shouldn't be afraid that I would react to something the same way she would have ... he didn't say anything to that, just wrapped me in his arms.
Hopefully, time will put this one to rest.
As a complete aside, I understand why men say they like watching their woman get dressed. There is something very intimate about watching someone go about their routine of getting ready for their day. Another happy memory for the memory bank.
~ sigh ~
Sorry, where was I?
Oh ya.
So I am watching him get dressed, and he said to me "this must bring back some memories for you, watching a soldier get dressed for work in the morning. The last soldier you watched get dressed in the morning was the Wolf"
(Honestly, the only memories I was having was the day when he was still in the sand and was getting dressed for his day while we were on web cam, him seemingly oblivious to the fact I was watching ... and I needed a cold shower after ... shiver)
I responded to him in confusion, and said no, I wasn't having any "flashbacks", because "you're not him". And I thanked him for thinking of it and being concerned.
He stared at me for a minute, then laughed a little, and told me I was strange ...
Unfortunately, he had to go to work, and I had to head for home, so we didn't get to pursue the conversation. I still think in his head he thinks I am comparing him to the Wolf, because they are both male and both soldiers I guess. I don't know what, if anything, I can do to get him to understand that I know he is a different person, and I am not expecting him to do things the Wolf did.
Is it really that unusuall to be able to look past a person's clothing or physical appearance and see them as an individual?
We have had variations on this conversation before - when he asked why I would ever want to get involved with another soldier, and I said I didn't see him or the Wolf as soldiers, they were people, and two different people.
I threw it back to him once, lovingly, reminding him that I was not his ex wife, and he shouldn't be afraid that I would react to something the same way she would have ... he didn't say anything to that, just wrapped me in his arms.
Hopefully, time will put this one to rest.
~~~~~~~~~
As a complete aside, I understand why men say they like watching their woman get dressed. There is something very intimate about watching someone go about their routine of getting ready for their day. Another happy memory for the memory bank.
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