Elements ...

A funny thing happened at an FSG meeting a little while back.  Or maybe it was just my whacked sense of humour that found it amusing.

A few of the girls there, including the Group leader, are energy work practitioners or other "new age" or pagan type folks.

The group leaders hubs, a Captain with the local reserve unit,(who is sensitive himself), was making small talk, and he said to me "What element is (theWolf)".  I replied "Air", but as he walked away, it occured to me that depending on who was listening, that conversation could be taken two completely different ways!

From an astrological perspective the Wolf is Fire; I am Water with strong overtones of Earth.

While I am blending the two topics, here is a book I am wanting to read; American perspective (as are most) but it looks interesting.  I am not sure whose blog I originally found it on; but here is a link to it on Chapters/Indigo's web site:

Faith and Magick in the Armed Forces: A Handbook for Pagans in the Military;
Author: Stefani E. Barner

Swastikas

I have had a "thing" lately with Ganesha, a god in the Hindu pantheon related to obstacles, both placing them and removing them.  I did a Google image search for an nice image, and found this one, which I quite like.  It gives the appearance of being created from banana plant leaves, which resonates with my personality quite well.

Upon closer inspection, however, you will note that the symbol on the left is a swastika.  I am not sure how I feel about that.


I know that the swastika was originally a symbol of good, until it was adopted by the National Socialist Party of Germany in 1920, and the symbol came to mean something entirely different.

"The word "swastika" comes from the Sanskrit svastika - "su" meaning "good," "asti" meaning "to be," and "ka" as a suffix.

Until the Nazis used this symbol, the swastika was used by many cultures throughout the past 3,000 years to represent life, sun, power, strength, and good luck." from About.com

 So I have been debating the symbol, and symbols in general.


In one way the image bothers me, because of the "modern" meaning of the swastika.  At the visceral level, I see the symbol and react tot he Nazi connotations, and it bothers me.  On the other hand, I appreciate the original meaning, and I can understand refusing to give in to the people that tried to take it from the original culture.  I respect the creator of the picture for refusing to let the spirit of the symbol be tarnished.

Meditation and Messages

When I lay down to sleep at night I put on a mediation CD.  I have had insomnia for many, many years, and I find that if I use a meditation CD it helps me stay asleep once I fall asleep.  The one I have been using most often lately is a meditation by Sylvia Browne on Contacting your Spirit Guides, or Guardian Angels.

As an aside, saying the rosary also generally puts me straight to sleep, but that makes me feel mildly guilty.  A priest once told me it was OK, that if I fall asleep saying the rosary my Guardian Angel finishes it for me.  I think they must get tired of having to finish it for me every time, though.

Back to last night.  In this particular meditation, (greatly simplified) after you are centered, grounded, and white lighted, you visualize walking through a meadow (which for me always smells like salt water, is bounded by hemlock trees, and implies "Cypress"?), until you come to a gazebo in the meadow, and then one of your spirit guides comes out of the gazebo to talk to you.  Usually the spirit guide I get is this rather dashing, very huggy Greek fellow named David.  Occasionally it is a very short, stocky, shy woman whose hair is always in front of her face, very "cousin It".  I have yet to catch her name.

Last night it was the Wolf.  He came out from the gazebo, wrapped me up in his arms, put his forehead down on top of my head, started to cry, and said he was sorry.  The feeling I got was that he was sorry he was so confused, sorry that he was hurting me, and that he really does still love me, he just doesn't know how to deal with it.  I was startled, but I tried, in my meditative state, to send him back all the feelings of love, understanding, patience and support that I have in me.

I am aware that his may be my sub conscious projecting "wishful thinking", triggered by the good conversation the Wolf and I had last night.  It might also be the PTB (Powers That Be) giving me a hug.  It might be an actual vision or message from my Spirit Guides.  Whatever it is, I am going to take comfort in it, and choose happy.

Push ups and ferrets

The night I made the phone call to start the re-assessment ball rolling, I had a strange little dream.  In my dream, I was doing push ups.  Now, through my martial arts career, I have done quite a few push ups, and am quite familiar with proper form and technique, and variations.  Yet in my dream, no matter what I did, and how well I thought I was doing, there was a voice telling me that I wasn't doing it right, wasn't good enough, and had to do better, that all my effort wasn't counting.
In the dream, once I started to get really frustrated, and felt like giving up, there was a black footed ferret who came and just snuggled into my side in a very reassuring manner, telling me everything was going to be OK.  He was a quite content, happy, and over all comforting little friend.
So of course, when I had the chance, I got on the internet and googled the symbolism of ferrets.  I found the best explanation over at ShamanicJourney.com .  A few excerpts for you:

Ferret, Power Animal, Symbol of Keen Observation

By Ina Woolcott

Ferrets are members of the weasel family. Their medicine includes stealth, cunning, skillful hunters, cleverness, ingenuity, revenge, keen observation, ability to see hidden reasons behind things.

... Brainy and cunning the ferret shows us how to use our creativeness to build a safe haven for ourselves, and to stock up with things that may be needed - always be ready for any situation that may come into existence. The ferret is a good, helping ally to have around in hard time.

...When ferrets become scared or excited, their tail goes all bushy and they let out a musty scent, which assists in getting rid of some predators - however they do not feel safe until hidden deep inside their tunnel. For humans this represents the need for a securer life. If this is your power animal then you will need a special place where you can rejuvenate and also to contemplate.

Ferrets are extremely nimble and quick, teaching us how to manoeuvre super quick so as not be in danger.

If this is your power animal do you need to move with more speed in some area(s) of your life? Are you wearing blinkers due to inflexible thought patterns that don’t let you see the bigger picture? Do you have a secluded, secure place for yourself? Do you get in your own way with your power of observation?

The ferret is a powerful totem, and can aid you to uncover a hidden part of yourself, deep beneath the surface are the answers to life's mysteries. If you are finding it hard to comprehend something in your life, meditate on the ferret and listen to and follow what you are told if you so wish.

I am not going to second guess where this came from, try to analyze it too much, or joke it away.  Wherever it came from, the ferret in my dream has brought me a message, a perspective, and a path.  I will try to honour that, find comfort in it, and keep my new friend around for a while.
**************
Do ferrets hibernate?  Maybe we could nap, and wake up when this is all better ... 

 

Wow.

Soundtrack for this post:  Morbid Fascination, Midnight Syndicate

So after the weekend from hell this weekend, I came home and went for a nice, long hike by the local river. About 4 kms in there is an old canoe launch, from an outfitting comany that no longer exists.  I sat there on the concrete at the water's edge, and contemplated that fact that just because my mother is my mother does not give her the right to be a negative, stressful influence in my life, and I need to make some choices.

As I sat there, I noticed slight movement out of the corner of my eye.  When I looked over, there was a nice sized queen snake poking her head up from under the end of the concrete.  We stared at each other for a few minutes, then I went over for a closer look, and also to verify my ID.  She let me put my hand under her head and cradle her head and "neck", she didn't try to flee.  (Admittedly, she may have been slightly chilled, and therefore more docile).  As I sat with her, two more came out, just honestly curious, not afraid at all.

After I sat and visited with them, thinking about nothing other than how cool it was, and how pretty they were, I felt so much better.

I have a good friend I will call the Lunatic.  Lunatic stopped by my office today, and I was telling him about my snake experience.  I mentioned that I did not know what snake energy represented in folklore, and after he left, I googled it.  This is what I found:

Messages:
If snake has come into your life perhaps it is time for you to go through your own rebirth experience. Snake has the ability to look deep into your soul, see what you need most, and then help you attain your goals. It is also a good time to learn how to control your temper and passion so that you do not strike out at others unnecessarily. If you have been feeling unbalanced and unfocused lately, snake will help you to balance yourself and get in harmony with the vibrations around you.
Is it time to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you? Are there certain people in your life that are hurting you and serve no purpose on your spiritual path? Are you striking out at others with spite and anger? Do you wish to feel more in tune with your spiritual gifts and the energy patterns around you? Snake will assist you will all of these issues if you embrace and welcome him into your sacred space.

from this web site

Hmmmm ... once again, the universe seems to be dropping some pretty heavy hints.

***************

Queen Snake, (Regina septemvittata) is a rare snake in Ontario.  There are no current or historical records of this species for near the location where I was, and only historical records for it about 2 kms downstream of where I was. 

Queen Snake, like many snakes, are rare or endangered because of "fear kills", that is humans killing them simply because they are a snake, and people are afraid of snakes.  Most snakes are not harmful, and if you give them a chance to escape, they will escape.  There is rarely a reason to kill a snake.

Who am I?

Soundtrack for this post: Every Man's Heart, Archie Fisher

It's only an old tale I heard in a rhyme, there are four women in every man's heart
Through the ages of love they pass one at a time, to hold you together, or tear you apart ...

The maid in the meadow who runs by your side ...
The Daemon lover who burns at your breast ...
The stout hearted women who'll give you her hand ...
The tall quiet woman who stands by your side ...

Cue: I'm every woman, Whitney Houston ...

I am maid, mother, and crone.

I am the four women.

I am crow. I am bear. I am undiscovered.

I am every woman.

When I was first starting to learn about astrology, I was taught that you are born under the influence of 3 signs - your sun sign, your moon sign, and your rising sign (ascendant). These signs influence your behaviour and personality to varying degrees over your life, with your sun sign (Cancer, for me) dominant for your first 30 years, your moon sign (Taurus) dominant for the next 30, and your ascendant (Virgo) dominant for the "last" 30. I guess once you turn 90 you get to wear purple dresses with red hats, and be whoever you care to be! (note: this lesson was a long time ago, and I might not have it quite right)

So that led me to wonder if the same applies to spirit animals. I know I stongly identified with the crow when I was younger (in my first 30 years), and crow and his cousins are still my friends, and will come to me with messages when I choose to hear them. But I have felt a strong pull to bear for the last 5 or 6 years as well. Three years ago on my way to the cottage I saw a young of the year black bear get hit by a car, and I was (and still am) deeply affected by it. I have felt bear's energy when I meditate as well, and have been drawn to the quiet power and strenght of bear in art and nature.

Brigid, who is maid, mother, and crone in the Celtic mythos, is one woman who is all women. I believe we are all multi-faceted, bringing out the part of ourselves that needs to be dominant to deal with the situation that faces us. Sometimes the mother-Cancer-bear quiet strenght is needed to get though what is facing you; sometimes the Taurus persistence or the crow's cleverness will help win the day.

For my upcoming challenge, I hope that this will allow me to be a strong, capeable woman while the Wolf is away, and continue to live my life to the fullest. Yet when we can snatch time together, I can be the woman he needs me to be, and blend into the relationship with dignity and ease. I can be a whole person, and half of a relationship, all at the same time as well.

Where "Crow" comes from

OK, so I promised you the story behind the "Crow".

When I was a teenager, my mom went through a phase of being interested in all things new age, and there was a group of women she got together with to meditate, learn about chakras and energy healing, etc., etc. They occasionally invited me along to one of their meetings.

I had a hard time meditating; I kept feeling like I was starting to fly, and I would freak out, and start to cry. This could be because I am a control freak, and the whole feeling of not being in control really, really bothered me. Or it could have been that fact that I wasn't completely comfortable with the energy of some of the other women in the room, and I couldn't relax enough with them around.

My mom eventually made me a guided meditation cassette, using music I had picked out myself. Doing this meditation in the comfort of my own room, where I felt safe, I could do this meditation and relax. That is when I discovered that the crow was who I was "becoming" when I fully relaxed. Now, I was still a teenager, and I really wanted to be something cool, like a raven, but I am good enough at bird ID that nope, I was a crow.

I have since looked into the crow in celtic, native american, and other mythology, and have become more comfortable with the crow.

I havent felt myself fly in a while, and I kinda miss it.