Sebastian has safely arrived in the land of sand.
He is OK, and I am OK.
It is amazing the difference that open honest communication makes. He las "left" physically, georgraphically, but he has not "left" emotionally or mentally.
I reported a few weeks ago that we had talked, and decided that a deployment was not a good thing for a budding relationship, and that we would agree to be "friends" during the deployment, no expectations, no commitments. Words are great things, aren't they?
We spent 4 hours on video chat the day before the left. We talked about hopes, fears, funeral arrangements, wills, my involvement with his family ... and we laughed, joked, shared ... and we talked about the future. No matter how much "lip service" we gave to "just friends", there was obvious overtones to the conversations, and many references to things that would happen when he comes home. Things that we would do together.
We connected, deeply, emotionally, and solidly.
He texted me from the bus, from the coffee shop, from the departure base, from the plane itself; from the stopover, and when he arrived. We had a quick text conversation at 3 am my local, to let me know he was safe, he was there, he was hot [like I didn't know that ;-) ] and that he would be incontact again when he could. He acknowledged my fears as real, and reminded me that he is trained, prepared for this, and damn good at his job ... and has things worth coming home to.
It is amazing how calm I am with this. There have been tears, of course, but not nearly the level of anxiety i had when the Wolf left. Sebastian has been very honest with me about the dangers of this deployment, the dangers of the first mission they are prepared for, and the very real fear he has that he is not bringing all his men home.
Yet I am calm; I have faith. I believe this is because I can still feel the strong emotional connection. My mind does not have as much room to imagine things, because I have a lot more of it filled up with things I "know". While some of the things I "know" are scary, they also give me comfort.
We're gonna be OK.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
4 comments:
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I can understand the concern and worry. It is always harder on the ones at home than on the troops there. They know what is going on and the tings they have to do and we, at home, can only imagine - and the scenarios that go through our heads are nowhere near what is actually happening. What to say, just hang tough and let the time go by. What will be will be and the chances are good that he will be back.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head. It does us better to ~know~ than for our darkest fears to take root and fester during the course of a tour. My thoughts to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing to say except that I'm here for you and thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have faith that you two will be ok, too.