She (part 2)

(Part 2 of my totally biased account of the woman my brother chose to marry)

So, my brother and She are continuing to try IVF to conceive a child.  They have long since stopped the "usual" way of trying to conceive a child; and their relationship totally revolves around the IVF cycle.  She is depressed; my brother has reservations, but believes that she will "get better" if they have a baby; and believes she will be shattered if he says he wants to stop trying.

Every time a doctor tells them it is time to give up, she wages her mental warfare, and they find a new doctor who will treat them.

Eventually, a doctor convinces her that the problem may be with her eggs; they try donor eggs, but still no luck.  Somehow, she finds enough detail on the egg donor to find her blog, and starts on-line stalking the egg donor.

Adoption has been discussed, and rejected by her, a number of times, but finally it seems like the best option.  She wants a baby girl; Caucasian.  The best option at the time and for people their age is Russia; mother Russia tends to keep its girls, and adopt the boys out of country.  She agrees.

Part way through the process, they are offered a pair of brothers.  My brother believes this is a great idea; siblings, they will have someone to talk to and at least a little continuity, and he and She will have their family at once.  They agree.

The rest of that story was posted a few days ago.

After the boys leave, my brother goes into a depression.  I was very concerned about him, as were a number of his friends.  He does not want to be around her, but does not have the energy to leave.  Since she has not worked full time since they got engaged, he says he is concerned about what it will do to him financially to leave her. I think that was an excuse.  I am more concerned about what it will do to him mentally and emotionally if he doesn't.

He eventually starts to heal, and begins consulting with a lawyer, preparing to separate from her.  She is still being treated by a psychiatrist; however every time the psychiatrist tries to get her to take any ownership of what happened with the boys, and responsibility, she quits going and demands a new therapist.  So not a lot of progress is being made.  He is afraid if he tells her he is leaving, she will kill herself.  (She has said as much to him)

On my birthday, most years, my brother and I spend the day together and go to the driving range, and take out our frustrations with clubs on little white balls.  That year we went, and over lunch after, he told me that they had some fertilized donor eggs left, and he was torn.  He didn't want her to gain custody of them when they split, but he couldn't bring himself to destroy them either.  She had been badgering at him to try one more time; and he was going to give in.  He said it was basically the same as destroying them, but might satisfy her.

In my normally gentle, tactful way, I asked him if he was fucking crazy.  I reminded him of that guy Murphy, and said "What if it works?  What if she gets pregnant?  Will you ever be able to walk out that door and leave her with a child and not wonder what is going to happen?"

He would not answer me.

A few months later, he called to tell me they were successfully pregnant.  He wanted to give me time to get over my shock before I saw her face to face.

to be continued ....