Thinking long and hard ....

Something happened last night that is causing me to take a long, hard look at everything in my life, and try to find some balance.

I was running all day with various things, life is back in full swing after the holidays.  I had a light lunch.  I knew I had a night meeting in another town to go to, and I planned on stopping and grabbing some supper.

(Interesting side note: I have also managed to misplace my daytimer over the holidays, which is causing me to panic a bit, since *everything* is in there - I know I have something important to do next Wednesday, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is ...)

On my way in to grab supper, an oncoming driver rounded the corner, and part way through his turn he let his wheel straighten out - putting him on a path directly for the driver's door of my vehicle. I don't know if he was reaching for a CD, eating while driving -- I have no idea.  All I know is that I had my vehicle mostly on the boulevard to avoid him; at the last second he "came to" and jerked his vehicle violently back into his own lane.  But he was mere inches from hitting me.  I pulled into a parking spot and got control of myself, before continuing on.

So, was it coming close to a serious accident that has caused me to ponder my life?  Nope.  All that made me think, consciously, is that I really need to tidy my living room in case someone else needs to go into my house and find me stuff.  Keep reading.

Regaining my composure had cut into my dining time, so I grabbed a take-out sushi box from the grocery store, and ate it in the meeting.  After the meeting, the president of the club, who is also a good friend, asked me about the Wolf and how he was handling the recent casualties (not well - more about that later).

I drove home after the meeting and noticed, as I parked, that the legion was still open; which meant my good friend TW was bar tending.  I could use a friendly face so I went over.

Seventy five minutes later I had 9 oz of Jack Daniels in me.

Twenty minutes after that the JD, the sushi, and everything else was *ahem* out of me again.

Now there are a few things that those of you who don't know me in real life should know.  I rarely drink, and even more rarely do I drink to excess.  I haven't been drunk in public since college, and even then over 3 years I was only drunk in public 3 times.  On average I get drunk once a year, on our annual cottage trip, surrounded by people I trust completely.  And I NEVER drink when I am upset, only when I am happy.  I have NEVER thrown up from drinking before; nor have I ever blacked out.  (I do, unfortunately, remember all of last night)


So what the hell happened last night???  This was so very, very out of character for me.  What has me so out of balance that I would react like this?  Why did I think Dr Daniels was the appropriate therapist?

I have no answers for these questions, but it is telling me that I need to look at my life, and how I am dealing with things.  I'll keep you posted.