need to hermit

"I'll leave here in the morning

Slip away without a warning

Save a handclasp from the one

Who knows the call that leads me on

From the city's clang and clatter

Where a man the less won't matter

And no one here will think of me

Or care that I am gone"

Archie Fisher, Borderlands

I missed my hermitage this year.  And I think if has affected me more than I thought.

I usually manage to get away by myself for a few days at least every summer, to ground myself, reconnect with the earth, etc.  Last year I went camping, not totally by myself, but at least somewhere that I could pretend not to speak the language.  This year, I didn't make time for it.  I think I really miss it, and that might be part of why I feel so un-grounded now, so ..... scattered.

I think I have been sub consiously addressing this by pulling away, isolating myself, hunkering down in my apartment, and ignoring my friends ... not necissarily a healthy way to compensate.  Escaping into books, or into the virtual world.  My mind knows I need the alone time, but I am not expressing it in a healthy way.

I have been considering my options.  I have medical issues that make winter camping not a good idea, and cities are out since I need that nature/earth connection.  I have thought of hopping a plane to a warmer clime, but most warmer climes aren't safe for a woman alone, and I need to be alone for this.  Renting a cabin somewhere might be an option, since I can go out hiking and "being" during the day, but still have a place to be warm at night or when my body has had enough ...

I guess its true, you don't know sometimes how much you need something until you don't have it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry I have been "absent" lately.  I also haven't been keeping up with all your blogs the way I like to.  The IT folks at work made some changes to my laptop, and all it will do now is load the initial screen shot of most blog pages :-( .  I am working on ways to resolve the issue.  I hope to be back in touch soon ... maybe after I spend a while completely out of touch!