For every action

there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I am a decent house keeper, but admit in the past I have sometimes left dishes in the sink for a day (or even 2).  I have always been fairly particular about my stove top being clean, however.

Living with other people has made what was a normal habit into a compulsion.

TW's daughters are not clean.  They leave dishes, food, condiments, fast food containers, etc in the kitchen, on the counter, in the living room, and in their rooms.  If the dishes and wrappers weren't clues enough, the stove top can be forensically analyzed to determine what they have cooked over the last few days.

I have tried various approaches to dealing with this.  Yelling had an immediate response, but no long term effect, and made me feel worse.  Logic and appealing to their ethics and morals got me that blank chicken stare I mentioned a few days ago.  I tried the reverse of the broken window theory - for a little more than 2 weeks I cleaned the kitchen twice a day, did all their dishes, thinking that if they got used to a clean kitchen they would keep it that way - nope.

My current approach is to wash all the dishes I use and put them away, almost immediately.  Prep dishes are done while meals are cooking, and if something needs to cool before being consumed dishes are done and the stove is cleaned while that happens.  I can't even leave something in the sink while I eat, it seems.  Like I said, it is almost becoming an obsession.

Unfortunately, the pool of clean dishes, pots, etc I have to draw from is ever dwindling.

Interestingly enough, I have been told that while I was away last week they actually cleaned the kitchen themselves twice.  But now that I am home, we are back to staus quo.

I am looking for a place to move in to.  I cannot handle this any more.  The disadvantages far outweigh any advantages for me.  I have told TW this, and she tried to change my mind, but I am sticking to my guns.

(And no, before any of you mention it, moving up to where Sebastian is posted is not currently an option, for a number of reasons.  Lovely thought, but not yet. He does, however, agree with me moving, and doesn't see how I stuck it out this long.)

I ♥ my friends (disagreeing with respect)

I spent this New Years Eve and New Years Day with my 4 best friends, as has been our habit for a number of years now.

New Year's Day, and on into today up until the point when I took my leave of them, we talked about many, many things.  Afghanistan; the people, the war, the Taliban; the Canadian Forces.  Mental illness, including depression, and PTSD/OSI's.  Religion. Politics.  You know, all the things that you are "not supposed to talk about".

Between 5 adults, we have enough opinions on things for a crowd of about 20.  And often those opinions are different, if not diametrically opposed.  We do not agree on most things.  Heck, there are likely very few things that all 5 of us totally agree on. 

The best thing?  We are all very, very intelligent, well spoken people, who can argue our points passionately but WITH RESPECT for the other view points in the room (well, most of the time, anyway), and at the end of the day, all continue to love and respect one another.  Which is why we remain the closest of friends.

Big Dog: the final (?) installment

Big Dog came over Friday night to pick up some things I had been storing for him, (he had been in the middle of a move).

He didn't speak to me while we loaded his things.  When we were done, he stopped in front of me, and said "I never meant to hurt your feelings.  But I like to drink.  And I guess I am choosing that over our friendship".  With that, he turned around, walked to his vehicle, and drove away.

And left me standing in my driveway, mourning the loss of a friendship.

Aw, shite.

I am pretty sure I "broke up with" a friend last night.  The writing has been on the wall for this particular friendship for a while.  I am a bit sad that the friendship had to end; I am much more upset about the way it ended.  This is one of the relationships I was alluding to the other day.

I have a friend, Big Dog, I have mentioned him before.  He is one of my "biker friends".  He has been described by many as having "a heart of gold, and a big mouth".  Unfortunately, he also has a drinking problem.

Big Dog and his wife separated in February.  TW and I met him, or became friends with him at least, in April.  He is funny, entertaining, smart, and considerate.  When he is sober.  When he drinks, he hits a tipping point wher he becomes beligerant, rude, and prone to poor choices.

There have been a couple of instances lately where the group has been at some fun events, and some of the fun has gone out of the day when Big Dog hits hit tipping point.  Yesterday was the third day like that in the last 4 weeks.

It was another charity ball tourney.  I had to bar tend at the legion for a different event, so I briefly stopped at the ball park in the morning, then went to work, and got back around 4 pm.  By this point Big Dog was already well on his way to drunk.

Someone else had already taken his keys, but I know that he keep a second set in his truck, so I went and got the second set.  When he discovered this, he got quite angry, but seemed to cool off.  We all went back to the banquet, he continued to drink, but also had some food, and seemed to settle a bit.  At this point he decided he was fine to drive home.  I insisted on driving him home (I rarely drink, and hadn't drank at all yesterday).  Someone else who was sober was going to follow me, and bring me back to the event for my truck.

All was fine ... until we got to his truck.  Big Dog stood out side the driver's door and refused to get into the passenger seat.  He began yeilling and swearing at me; I started to walk away, but the fellow who was going to drive me home came over and started yelling and swearing back.  Big Dog eventually got in the passenger seat, but didn't speak to me for the ride home.

I know this has been evolving into a toxic freindship.  I know I had to create some distance anyway, but I was hoping it could be done in a more friendly manner. 

I hope that Big Dog's time knowing TW and I has planted a seed somewhere in his brain that he is a good man, worthy of good treatement, and that he deserves to be happy.  I don't think those are messages he learned during his marriage.  Hopefully, when he quits over watering himself, those seeds will have a chance to bloom.

I am blessed (or spoiled)

It has been a weekend of friendship, family, and caring.

Friday evening I went and watched the Wolf's niece compete in the Sears Drama Festival for Secondary School students. Their "team" was in both the "student written" and "professionally written" categories. I was truly impressed by the talent of the students; both in their acting and staging of the plays, and in the depth of insight into the realities of their own lives shown by the writing in the student written play, and the choice of material for the professionally written play entry.

The Wolf's sister in law was prying a bit, trying to get me to tell her some things that I really don't think she needs to know. It left little cracks in my armour, and during what started as a "casual" conversation Saturday morning between TW and I, the wall came down and I let out some things that had been festering, things the Wolf had done the last time he was home on leave, that I hadn't admitted to anyone else. There were tears, comfort, and healing.

Saturday evening I was out at a banquet with some work collegues who have also became friends. They know the story of the last few months, and were caring and gentle while assuring that I had fun too, and felt included. They are genuinely good people, and I enjoyed my evening.

Today, the weather here is dull and grey, and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I was chatting with Sebastian on web-cam, and said that on days like this I really missed having someone to just lay on the sofa with and snuggle, and watch movies. We chatted a little more, then he sent me a web link to a site with some amazing photos and videos, and we spent the next hour and a half or so looking at photos and watching videos "together".

I am truly blessed to have so many friends, so many positive influences, and so many caring people in my life, both the ones mentiones above and others. That also includes all of you dear people who come and leave me comments, and who share your lives with me through your own blogs.