74 days till the tentatively scheduled HTLA/R&R (look! I'm bilingual, lol). That's if he decides to actually come home, or to meet me somewhere. There is a very good chance he will want to go somewhere and blow off steam and regroup on his own, which I would completely understand.
270 days (estimated) until this deployment is over. Then we start counting a very short time until the next one. Potentially a matter of weeks, and he will be gone for another 10 months.
I'm feeling it today. Not in an "I can't go on" way, just in an "I'd like to be wrapped in his arms" way. And while I appreciate the hugs from other people, its just not the same. I miss him.
I miss the quiet comfort of just knowing he is there.
At the same time, I have a sense of peace. I am not desperate in my missing him. I can think about him and smile, and remember the good, the happy, the warm. I am not teary, nor am I bitchy about things.
In other news ... I completed the first exercise today in the "Resiliency Coaching" program I enrolled in at work. This is a program designed to look at the stressors in your life and hope you manage them, and to use a couple of guided examples to teach you strategies and coping mechanisms that you can then apply on your own.This program started with creating a "stress map" of where you are right now. There are 21 different categories across the top; the grid down the side is the "performance zone", from Optimal at the top, through Balance and Strain to Burnout at the bottom.
Yep. Of the 21 Categories, I have 4 in Stress, and the other 17 are in Burnout. Yay me. When I went over the results with the dude on the phone, I kinda of expected him to just tell me I was a lost cause, but he didn't. (He did, however, make sure I was actually seeing a therapist in persona as well). Then we chose one area to look at in more depth, and created an Action Plan. With his guidance (eg - I wanted one thing, he strongly suggested something else) we agreed I would work on a Personal Power Action Plan (don't cha just love all these buzz words?)
So my mission for the next month is to create and implement an action plan to start reclaiming my personal power.
I'll let you know how it goes.
