"I freak out because I put so much emphasis on stuff. All this stuff is really all I've got - or at least I feel that way - of what we had together. I keep thinking if I lose/break/get rid of any of this stuff or change anything, what we had and the time we spent together will disappear too."If you don't follow the blog - she does find the ring. The ring that is a very important symbol for her of her relationship with her angel, her deceased husband, who was killed in action while serving in Afghanistan for the US Military.
I don't in any way mean to detract from her feelings, from her raw emotion. I have NO IDEA what it would be like to be in her shoes, and I pray to all the powers that be I never do.
All that said, her post really got me thinking about "stuff". I do not have a lot of "stuff" as mementos of Sebastian. I know this is totally not the same as her situation ~ I still have him ~ but still, it got me thinking.
I do have a few little things (and am getting a few more soon, I have been told!) but I can honestly say that this time around most of what I hold, I hold in my heart. Oh, don't get me wrong, the day I caught the dog with my Soldier Teddy Bear in her mouth, I was really unhappy. I am just saying, for me, right now,I don't have a big attachment to "stuff", to talismans ... which is unusual for me.
With the Wolf I, more so towards the end, I was clutching at everything. Maybe because I knew he was moving away from me, I held onto the stuff, maybe that is the same thing that Mrs P is feeling. In her situation ... I can't see myself as being as strong as she has been through all of this, really, and I would likely be as attached to every little thing as well.
For me, for now, for my current reality, my gut tells me this is a sign that I am more secure, that I don't need the talismans. Or maybe I am finally conquering my inner pack rat.
Who knows.
I learn so much about how emotion drives us (humans) in a positive way from reading your posts. And of course that illuminates how much we can hurt when things turn toward the negative. It is no doubt your honesty, you tell it like you feel it (and see it, think it, etc) that makes this such an incredible blog. I appreciate your honesty and insight very much....T
ReplyDeleteI have a few ‘things’ from my past that will bring on some memories. The strongest are my dog tags. But I don’t know where they are right now. Somewhere is a drawer. All the memories and feelings I have are in my heart and head (believer me there is a lot of room up there for them, too.) They are what makes me smile when noting has been said or done around me. They are the ones that can bring a tear to my eye while sitting at the Waffle House. Things don’t do it. Sounds, smells, looks are what sets them off. Not just mil type stuff, but ladies I have know, raising my daughter and playing with my grandkids, stuff like that.
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