"I freak out because I put so much emphasis on stuff. All this stuff is really all I've got - or at least I feel that way - of what we had together. I keep thinking if I lose/break/get rid of any of this stuff or change anything, what we had and the time we spent together will disappear too."If you don't follow the blog - she does find the ring. The ring that is a very important symbol for her of her relationship with her angel, her deceased husband, who was killed in action while serving in Afghanistan for the US Military.
I don't in any way mean to detract from her feelings, from her raw emotion. I have NO IDEA what it would be like to be in her shoes, and I pray to all the powers that be I never do.
All that said, her post really got me thinking about "stuff". I do not have a lot of "stuff" as mementos of Sebastian. I know this is totally not the same as her situation ~ I still have him ~ but still, it got me thinking.
I do have a few little things (and am getting a few more soon, I have been told!) but I can honestly say that this time around most of what I hold, I hold in my heart. Oh, don't get me wrong, the day I caught the dog with my Soldier Teddy Bear in her mouth, I was really unhappy. I am just saying, for me, right now,I don't have a big attachment to "stuff", to talismans ... which is unusual for me.
With the Wolf I, more so towards the end, I was clutching at everything. Maybe because I knew he was moving away from me, I held onto the stuff, maybe that is the same thing that Mrs P is feeling. In her situation ... I can't see myself as being as strong as she has been through all of this, really, and I would likely be as attached to every little thing as well.
For me, for now, for my current reality, my gut tells me this is a sign that I am more secure, that I don't need the talismans. Or maybe I am finally conquering my inner pack rat.
Who knows.
