Mother is back at home, with new meds, and restrictions. Which she is mostly ignoring, interspersed with occasional bouts of whining, complaining, and feeling sorry for herself. I am gonna give her a couple of days of this, then call in the heavy artillery (my brother).
She says there is nothing left she is allowed to eat (heart attack, high cholesterol & pre-diabetic). I cooked supper for her and dad tonight, all things that were heart healthy and diabetic friendly. She ate it all up no complaints, said she quite enjoyed it. Even had dessert. Didn't seem like "nothing" to me. Discretion being the better part of valour, (so I am told), I kept that opinion to myself.
I have to admit, there have been some odd conversations going on in my own head the last few days.
So, self, you now have 2 parents, and a maternal grandmother, who have had heart attacks, and have all been diabetic ... think you better change your life style a bit?
Um, ya, I guess I should watch what I eat ... loose that weight I keep talking about loosing ... get more consistent with my excercise program ... learn to cope with stress better ... cut down caffeine ... OOOHHH!!! Speaking of caffeine, isn't there a Tim Horton's downstairs?? I could really go for a 2 cream 1/2 coffee 1/2 hot chocolate right about now ...
Self, were you listening to us a second ago??
Ya, but I'm stressed ... I'll start once this is dealt with ... really ... HEY! Where did we put those nacho chips???
Self, that is a lot of sodium, and you know we are sensitive to that!
Ya, but I am gonna eat them with guacamole, and avacadoes are healthy fat, right? So its really a health food ... anyway, I skipped lunch today, 'cause I was going in to get mom, and I thought she was waiting, when in reality we had to wait 2 more hours for her discharge papers ...
The funny thing is, I am not actually a big coffee drinker, usually limited to one on Satruday morning and one on Sunday, but I have been craving it all week. I have been keeping myself to one XL 1/2 & 1/2 each day, and one can of diet coke, so my caffeine intake isn't totally crazy, but still more than usual for me.
We'll see whether, in the long run, this causes me to make any major (or minor) life style modifications.
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
because I needed something else ...
I got a call from my dad this afternoon that my mom had a heart attack. I have came back to my home town to hang with my dad, who is not well enough to stay on his own, and deal with the mom thing.
They caught the heart attack early, did their magic scans, found her right coronary artery was blocked 95%, and ballooned it open and put a stent in, all by the time I got home, got dad, and we made it to the larger medical centre they had transferred her to. There seems to be no damage to her heart muscle, so *IF* she behaves and listens to the lifestyle modifications they are recommending, and if her body does not reject the stent, all should be well.
While I was on the phone to my room-mate asking her to look after my dog for her and telling her what was going on, I got a "call waiting" from the Wolf's mom ~ just to let me know his plane was landing on Canadian soil ... oh, about an hour ago as I type this. Freaking yay.
So I am sitting here back in my home town, which is a hop, skip and a jump from the Wolf's parents' place ... good news is he won't be back here for at least a few more weeks, by which time I should be safely back where I live, which is at least less convenient for him.
We also haven't tracked my older brother down yet, since he is on holidays ... so for now I am dealing with this on my own. I hope he checks in soon, since he will need to back up the lifestyle modifications the doctors are recommending for my mom. She will not listen to me, but she will listen to him.
EDIT: I don't mean to make it sound like I am not glad the Wolf is home safe; I do not wish him ill, nor did I wish him to get hurt. I just really don't need to worry about him being home at the same time I am dealing with my parents.
They caught the heart attack early, did their magic scans, found her right coronary artery was blocked 95%, and ballooned it open and put a stent in, all by the time I got home, got dad, and we made it to the larger medical centre they had transferred her to. There seems to be no damage to her heart muscle, so *IF* she behaves and listens to the lifestyle modifications they are recommending, and if her body does not reject the stent, all should be well.
While I was on the phone to my room-mate asking her to look after my dog for her and telling her what was going on, I got a "call waiting" from the Wolf's mom ~ just to let me know his plane was landing on Canadian soil ... oh, about an hour ago as I type this. Freaking yay.
So I am sitting here back in my home town, which is a hop, skip and a jump from the Wolf's parents' place ... good news is he won't be back here for at least a few more weeks, by which time I should be safely back where I live, which is at least less convenient for him.
We also haven't tracked my older brother down yet, since he is on holidays ... so for now I am dealing with this on my own. I hope he checks in soon, since he will need to back up the lifestyle modifications the doctors are recommending for my mom. She will not listen to me, but she will listen to him.
EDIT: I don't mean to make it sound like I am not glad the Wolf is home safe; I do not wish him ill, nor did I wish him to get hurt. I just really don't need to worry about him being home at the same time I am dealing with my parents.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Tuesday's Update
I know, you have all been on the edge of your seats waiting to hear from me. LOL.
I went to my parent's for the weekend, to celebrate my dad's 83rd birthday. Go Dad!! So I wasn't on here much. Sorry.
Going to my parent's place is always an adventure. I have some issues with my mother.
Holden: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.
Leon: My mother?
Holden: Yeah.
Leon: Let me tell you about my mother.
[Leon shoots Holden with a gun he had pulled out under the table]
Blade Runner, 1982Yep, that about sums up the relationship. My main thought this time around was "Good Lord woman will you just SHUT UP???" She really doesn't understand the concept of comfortable silence; and the more she chatters inanely, the more she annoys me. *sigh*
Generally it was a good weekend. I went there on Friday, and came back home on Monday. I got to hang with my dad a bit. It is hard, since he is starting to fail. He is on Oxygen 24 hours a day, and sleeps/naps a lot, but we had some visit time, and some good conversations. I do not know how much time together we have left, but I know that we are at peace with each other, and with what is to come. We are secure in the fact we love each other, which is a nice place to be.
I know I can only handle my mother in small doses, so I had made arrangements to meet up with the Wolf's sister-in-law for a visit, and to drop off some gifts for the munchkins "From the Wolf". See tomorrow's Wordless Wednesday for photos! (I apologize for no photos last week - my new laptop wouldn't talk to my card reader, but all is now well). The visit went really well, we talked about all kinds of things, and really connected more than we ever have before. We are usually out as a foursome with the Wolf and his brother, so it was nice to have some girl-bonding time.
I also spent Saturday with a friend. We went and watched her daughter play hockey, started our Christmas shopping, went out for supper, and then watched a movie at her place. I got back to the folk's place just in time to hit the sack. Excellent time management on our part!!
I actually had a wonderful time watching the hockey game. This was 7 & 8 year old novice girls, so not exactly NHL quality, but way more fun to watch! Now I wonder, in the NHL, does the goalie lie face down spread eagle on the floor while two assistants strap them into their pads, then grab them under the arms and stand them on their feet?? The girls did great at things like passing, clearing the puck, etc. They can also skate really well - some of those girls can really put the pedal down when needed! Still some things to work on - like passing to someone, but that will come in time, I'm sure. They gave it their all, and there were some very tired, sweaty, happy little girls at the end of the game.
I hope everyone else had a great weekend too, filled with love and giggles.
Monday, September 14, 2009
My mother ...
Soundtrack for this post: I Quit, the Hepburns
My mother expects me to be her best friend. I read a book once entitled "Emotional Incest" and that pretty much sums up the relationship between my mother and I. There is no, nor has there ever been, sexual abuse by either parent, but my mother expects me to fill emotional roles in her life that should be filled by her parents, her spouse, and her friends.
When I was about 15 I lost it with her one night, and yelled at her, in front of my father, that I was not the appropriate person for her to use as a sounding board about the trouble in their marriage. I was their child, for God's sake, not her therapist. When she said she "stayed for the kids" what I heard was "its your fault I am miserable".
My father apologized to me the next day. My mother didn't talk to me for 2 weeks.
When my mother did start talking to me again, it was right back where it had always been, her complaining to me in every conversation about my father, about how crappy her life is, etc., etc. My brother had escaped to University by this point, and was flourishing as a person once he was out from the influence of our family. He has continued to be much more successful that I was at creating the distance, and has recently been strongly encouraging me to also distance myself, for the sake of my own sanity.
My father is 83, and is dying. He has less than 50% of both his lung capacity and his heart function at this point. His doctor said his lungs are basically turning to fluid inside his body. He is at home, but is on oxygen 24/7. My mom is 13 years younger that him, and will turn 70 in a month.
I always thought my mom would go first, since she is so up tight and dad is so laid back. My dad has a lazy boy recliner that is fully powered, he has a little remote that puts the foot rest up, reclines the back, and then lists to stand him up when he needs to get up. He spends most of his time in this chair, including sleeping in it, since he can't breathe when he lies down.
Saturday afternoon, the chair stopped working. It will still put the foot rest up, and stand him up, but the back will not recline.
Which means he won't be able to sleep. If he tries to sleep sitting straight up, his head falls forward and he starts to choke.
Now, the chair is only 2 months old, and has a 5 years warranty. Mom called the store and tried to get some help, but of course it was Saturday, so the repair guy wasn't there. I did not hear her original phone call, and I don't know how polite she was or wasn't. The sales lady promised to have a look and call back. I tried checking all the connections, and unplugged the chair for a few minutes to see if anything would re-set, but no luck.
Mother pitched a fit. She was mad that it happened on a Saturday. She was mad at the universe, I guess, but she took it out on me and dad. About 1/2 an hour later, my brother, his wife, and the baby arrive. Mother is so mad still she can barely talk, is slamming things around, literally spitting out one word answers to questions.
The store called back, she couldn't suggest anything, but when I explained to her dad's health and why we really needed the chair to work, she said she would call their repair guy and leave him a message, just in case he could call over the weekend.
Dinner was miserable. There is a whole extra layer of stress with my brother's wife, but we will get into that on another post. After dinner I had already made arrangements to go out with a friend, and had told mother that earlier in the day. But boy, I could hardly wait to get out of there!
Sunday wasn't much better. Dad had slept in bed with one of those triangle pillows supporting him, but hadn't slept well. I made the mistake of asking. Mom's reaction was not sympathy for my dad at not getting a good night's sleep; she was mad at him because she had gotten him the triangle pillow and he still couldn't sleep. He did not imply she was to blame, but she took it personally, and got mad.
My brother left shortly after lunch, and I left about 15 minutes later.
I realize that if she upsets me soooooo much, I should not subject myself to the situation, but I love my father, and I do want to visit him. They are not really close enough for a "day trip" visit. But I need to do something for my own mental health too. I am so upset by the visit that a gastro-intestinal problem I have is flaring up again.
A good friend has asked me if my mom has realized that once my dad dies, I won't be home to visit nearly as often.
Holden: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.
Leon: My mother?
Holden: Yeah.
Leon: Let me tell you about my mother.
[
Blade Runner, 1982
I spent this weekend at my parents place. My brother, the woman he chose to marry, and their 3.5 month old baby girl were there as well.
My mother and I have always had a tumultuous relationship. I realize that some of her habits are created by hardships such as loosing her own father to illness when she was only 16, but she is an adult now and responsible for her own reactions. She has been causing me stress and making me miserable for most of my 40 years, and I may have reached my breaking point this weekend.
One of my main revelations was that my mothers immediate reaction to anything that happens is
- see the worst possible outcome
- see how that well affect her, even if it is really about someone else
- get angry, and start blaming
- play the martyr card
- feel guilty
- try to "make it better", regardless of the cost to my own sanity
My mother expects me to be her best friend. I read a book once entitled "Emotional Incest" and that pretty much sums up the relationship between my mother and I. There is no, nor has there ever been, sexual abuse by either parent, but my mother expects me to fill emotional roles in her life that should be filled by her parents, her spouse, and her friends.
When I was about 15 I lost it with her one night, and yelled at her, in front of my father, that I was not the appropriate person for her to use as a sounding board about the trouble in their marriage. I was their child, for God's sake, not her therapist. When she said she "stayed for the kids" what I heard was "its your fault I am miserable".
My father apologized to me the next day. My mother didn't talk to me for 2 weeks.
When my mother did start talking to me again, it was right back where it had always been, her complaining to me in every conversation about my father, about how crappy her life is, etc., etc. My brother had escaped to University by this point, and was flourishing as a person once he was out from the influence of our family. He has continued to be much more successful that I was at creating the distance, and has recently been strongly encouraging me to also distance myself, for the sake of my own sanity.
My father is 83, and is dying. He has less than 50% of both his lung capacity and his heart function at this point. His doctor said his lungs are basically turning to fluid inside his body. He is at home, but is on oxygen 24/7. My mom is 13 years younger that him, and will turn 70 in a month.
I always thought my mom would go first, since she is so up tight and dad is so laid back. My dad has a lazy boy recliner that is fully powered, he has a little remote that puts the foot rest up, reclines the back, and then lists to stand him up when he needs to get up. He spends most of his time in this chair, including sleeping in it, since he can't breathe when he lies down.
Saturday afternoon, the chair stopped working. It will still put the foot rest up, and stand him up, but the back will not recline.
Which means he won't be able to sleep. If he tries to sleep sitting straight up, his head falls forward and he starts to choke.
Now, the chair is only 2 months old, and has a 5 years warranty. Mom called the store and tried to get some help, but of course it was Saturday, so the repair guy wasn't there. I did not hear her original phone call, and I don't know how polite she was or wasn't. The sales lady promised to have a look and call back. I tried checking all the connections, and unplugged the chair for a few minutes to see if anything would re-set, but no luck.
Mother pitched a fit. She was mad that it happened on a Saturday. She was mad at the universe, I guess, but she took it out on me and dad. About 1/2 an hour later, my brother, his wife, and the baby arrive. Mother is so mad still she can barely talk, is slamming things around, literally spitting out one word answers to questions.
The store called back, she couldn't suggest anything, but when I explained to her dad's health and why we really needed the chair to work, she said she would call their repair guy and leave him a message, just in case he could call over the weekend.
Dinner was miserable. There is a whole extra layer of stress with my brother's wife, but we will get into that on another post. After dinner I had already made arrangements to go out with a friend, and had told mother that earlier in the day. But boy, I could hardly wait to get out of there!
Sunday wasn't much better. Dad had slept in bed with one of those triangle pillows supporting him, but hadn't slept well. I made the mistake of asking. Mom's reaction was not sympathy for my dad at not getting a good night's sleep; she was mad at him because she had gotten him the triangle pillow and he still couldn't sleep. He did not imply she was to blame, but she took it personally, and got mad.
My brother left shortly after lunch, and I left about 15 minutes later.
I realize that if she upsets me soooooo much, I should not subject myself to the situation, but I love my father, and I do want to visit him. They are not really close enough for a "day trip" visit. But I need to do something for my own mental health too. I am so upset by the visit that a gastro-intestinal problem I have is flaring up again.
A good friend has asked me if my mom has realized that once my dad dies, I won't be home to visit nearly as often.
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