Where to start?

I haven't written in quite a while.  I lost my spark, my drive; possibly even myself for a little while.  And life got busy.

In the words of my favorite 2 year old.  "Ya.  That happens."

I'm not going to update you on everything that has happened over the last while; I am sure it will come out in posts as it is ready to.

What am I dealing with lately?

"Moral injury is perpetrating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress deeply held moral beliefs."

Ya.  That happens.  Unfortunately.

My heart hurts.

New job (from beginning of this year) came with a challenging co-worker.  Challenging co-worker got terminated a little bit ago.  Challenging co-worker, among other things, was inappropriately touching and otherwise verbally harassing our younger male contractors.  Seems he had a history of doing that.  At least once, to a minor.

My heart hurts.

One of the young men asked me, during a conversation, if I had not noticed certain things about the way they acted around him, precautions they now took.  I hadn't.

So in addition to Momma Bear being very angry, Momma Bear was also beating herself up for not noticing; not protecting them, not stopping it.

I have *mostly* worked through it, but various other things keep coming to light that are in the ~ How could someone I know, and used to trust, do something like that?  Only strangers do bad things like that. ~ family of thoughts.

He is gone; he is no longer my problem, or a threat to *my* staff/co-workers.  But did he learn his lesson?  Is he going to continue his behaviour somewhere new?  I know its not my problem, but ... my heart hurts.

It's healing; I am trying not to carry other people's baggage.  I have a really great circle of friends around me, (most of whom believe in tough love, which is what I need) and a really great team at work that are all working together to help as they can.  It was really heartwarming who made offers of help after dude was canned.

It was also completely hilarious the way all the men-folk who work under my supervision treated me, for the first couple of days, like a fragile little thing that was going to burst into tears if they said the wrong thing.  Sexist, but funny, and nice.  Thank God they went back to normal after a few days.

5's and 20's and ...

I have no idea what the photo in the video has to do with the song, but its the thought that counts ...


So, yes, I have been in crazy work mode, that is why I haven't been posting.  In the eye of the storm right now; the next round of craziness starts Tuesday, so I will be off the radar again for a week or so.


Yesterday saw the second e-mail from the Wolf.  Once again, I forwarded it to the local LEOs to deal with.


Then I wrote up a list of possible locations that he would take me in the event that he wanted to "take me somewhere to talk" privately; locations that have some sort of emotional loading with respect to our relationship, and a brief description of the emotional connection to the location. I told a couple of friends where the list is (top drawer of my wine rack, FYI).


We are approaching the Wolf's birthday (next week).  Three years ago he was in Savannah, GA on training with the US National Guard unit there for a few months.  We had been talking about me flying down for his birthday (the big 40), but I would only be able to squeeze in a couple of days, due to it being my silly season at work.  He was then told he would be doing his work-up for the sand at a Canadian base very close to me (which of course ended up being changed).  We decided, mutually I thought, that it would make more sense for me to save my money and visit more often when he was close to me and doing work up, than to come to Georgia.  He did make a comment later on that made me wonder if the decision was not as mutual as I had thought.


The song is a reference to a conversation I once had with Sebastian about abductions.  He told me that if anyone ever used soft restraints on me to struggle against them and make sure that there were marks left on my wrists/ankles, so there would be evidence for the LEOs.  Red also commented this morning (when I told her the location of the "places" list) to make sure I left a trail to be followed if I could.  I really wish I didn't have to have conversations like that.


Speaking of Sebastian, I have had a couple more interactions with him, but mostly related to him finding stuff of mine that was at his place and returning it.  I did tell him that I desperately wanted to fight to save what we had, because I believe it was worth saving, but his mind, at the moment is made up and I am out of his life.  His comments to me are becoming increasingly hostile and he is reading things into my words that are not there at all; he has shut down his FB account completely.  I really hope he is not isolating himself from everyone who cares about him.

~~~~~~~~~

So that's a quick glimpse into my world.  Oh, and I've worked 80 -90 hours a week the last few weeks, facilitated the planting of 12,250 trees, bar tended a couple of shifts because "no-one else could", and managed to get my lawn cut twice!  I've even managed to sleep occasionally.


Once more into the fray ... 

Envirothon

I am once again up to my eyeballs in busy; this week is our provincial Envirothon Competition

For info on Envirothon North America, click here.

I love this week; hanging out with 125 incredibly dedicated high school student re-affirms why I do what I do for a living.  Seeing all these incredibly bright young minds gives me hope. 

Not to mention, I accrue enough overtime this week to equal an extra week of holidays this summer, or a bunch of Fridays off !!   

Take care of yourselves out there, kids. 

(Oh, and a quick update ~ Sebastian hasn't had much access to communication lately, but got a one line "I'm OK" this morning.  I have to assume if he is that busy, he is mostly happy, knowing he is doing what he trained for, and making a difference.)