5's and 20's and ...

I have no idea what the photo in the video has to do with the song, but its the thought that counts ...


So, yes, I have been in crazy work mode, that is why I haven't been posting.  In the eye of the storm right now; the next round of craziness starts Tuesday, so I will be off the radar again for a week or so.


Yesterday saw the second e-mail from the Wolf.  Once again, I forwarded it to the local LEOs to deal with.


Then I wrote up a list of possible locations that he would take me in the event that he wanted to "take me somewhere to talk" privately; locations that have some sort of emotional loading with respect to our relationship, and a brief description of the emotional connection to the location. I told a couple of friends where the list is (top drawer of my wine rack, FYI).


We are approaching the Wolf's birthday (next week).  Three years ago he was in Savannah, GA on training with the US National Guard unit there for a few months.  We had been talking about me flying down for his birthday (the big 40), but I would only be able to squeeze in a couple of days, due to it being my silly season at work.  He was then told he would be doing his work-up for the sand at a Canadian base very close to me (which of course ended up being changed).  We decided, mutually I thought, that it would make more sense for me to save my money and visit more often when he was close to me and doing work up, than to come to Georgia.  He did make a comment later on that made me wonder if the decision was not as mutual as I had thought.


The song is a reference to a conversation I once had with Sebastian about abductions.  He told me that if anyone ever used soft restraints on me to struggle against them and make sure that there were marks left on my wrists/ankles, so there would be evidence for the LEOs.  Red also commented this morning (when I told her the location of the "places" list) to make sure I left a trail to be followed if I could.  I really wish I didn't have to have conversations like that.


Speaking of Sebastian, I have had a couple more interactions with him, but mostly related to him finding stuff of mine that was at his place and returning it.  I did tell him that I desperately wanted to fight to save what we had, because I believe it was worth saving, but his mind, at the moment is made up and I am out of his life.  His comments to me are becoming increasingly hostile and he is reading things into my words that are not there at all; he has shut down his FB account completely.  I really hope he is not isolating himself from everyone who cares about him.

~~~~~~~~~

So that's a quick glimpse into my world.  Oh, and I've worked 80 -90 hours a week the last few weeks, facilitated the planting of 12,250 trees, bar tended a couple of shifts because "no-one else could", and managed to get my lawn cut twice!  I've even managed to sleep occasionally.


Once more into the fray ... 

Feeling Safe

The thoughts and feelings of the last month are going to come out of my head in random bits and pieces, likely not in the order that you want to hear it, but in the order my head seems to be dictating.

The thing that is at the top of my head right now:  someone's right to feel safe in their own house.

When things have gone south with the Wolf, in the past or this most recent time, a number of friends have offered their homes as "safe houses" where the Wolf is less likely to be able to track me.  Or, like Sebastian, where they want the Wolf to track me, so they can deal with him ... but that's another post.

(Thanks to the folks who read here who extended such offers ♥ )

I work with a fellow who is also a good friend; he does my same job in a different district.  Mid May, when the most recent BS with the Wolf started, he offered his home as shelter for a few days, if I needed a place to mentally and/or physically escape to.

His wife was not in agreement with his offer, which he made without consulting her, and it caused a huge fight between them. She was angry with him for "inviting danger into their home".  I took her side in this fight.

I admit I was, for the initial few moments, hurt by her reaction.  I very quickly realized, however, that she has every right to feel safe in her own home, and if my being there would compromise that, it wasn't a judgement or rejection of me.  It wasn't her wishing me danger; I am sure she realized I had many other options.  I do not know what she has dealt with in the past; I don't actually know her well at all.

I have realayed this story to a few friends, who get angry on my behalf, and the first question asked is "Do they have children?".  They do not, but why does that matter?  Is someone's right to feel safe themselves lessened by the fact they do not have children?  I do not think so.  Of course, I don't have children myself, either.

Maybe it is a coping mechanism on my part to step back and look at the reactions of others around me during this, but I find it fascinating the way people reacted - and trust me, there will be more posts on that too - but most of all, the way a number of people assumed that the reaction that was right for them, was the "only" right reaction, for eveyone else, and for me as well.