Something happened with S that caused me to spill my guts and push for clarification on our relationship, to push him way past where he is comfortable ... and as a result the relationship is irrevocably changed, and may not even be able to continue as a friendship.
I may have lost my best friend.
I feel horrible.
Monday, February 20, 2012
4 comments:
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Damn! Just Damn!
ReplyDeleteB - I don't know what happened or what was said. I imagine anything I say at this point is going to sound cliche or obvious but S is a big boy, he doesn't need to be babied.
ReplyDeleteI would think that whatever you said, he should know you well enough that it was genuine and said with care and his best interest at heart. This isn't an easy relationship for you either...and it's not your job now to protect him.
If he got taken out of his comfort zone, well it ain't the first time and let's face...his life wasn't in danger this time around, I'm sure. Ultimately they only way he will grow and change is to get pushed once in a while but that sure as hell doesn't make it any easier.
Let time do it's thing my friend, he knows you love him and you care...and if he is the type of good man I suspect he is...I imagine he will eventually have some understanding about what you said and how you feel about him.
The bottom line and no one likes to hear this but it's usually true...If the friendship ends because of somethings you said in an emotional moment, after all you two have been through...well there probably wasn't anything truly there to begin with and you may have been "wishing it together" all along. I don't for a second buy that is the case here...no way.
Give em time and stop blaming yourself for loving him and not knowing how to act perfectly when things with him get testy, unpredictable and moody....it's impossible I know from my own episodes and bouts of PTSD to always know what to say or do.
I hope you don't mind my candor and if you choose not to post this then I understand totally. Please forgive me if I may have over stepped my bounds but I really feel you need to know you're not in the wrong here.
Big Hugs and Big Smiles!
I'm sorry this has happened. I would hope that S could understand your position, being so close to you. I sincerely hope that these were all over-reactions and that with a little space and thought, you two can communicate your way back to an equal ground.
ReplyDeleteThom - thanks for your words. My initial reaction upon reading them was to copy and paste sections into an e-mail and send them to him ... but I know that wouldn't help anything at this point. Your words did give me some comfort and reassurance, despite the fact that things have, on the surface, further deteriorated today.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is a new day, we'll see what it brings.
Whitney - I hope so too ...