I was reading a post on superstitions over at SpouseBUZZ, and this line hit me like a punch:
The thing is, even when your spouse returns from a deployment, that feeling of the possibilities – the possibility of loss – never entirely goes away.
We are not quite 2 months past homecoming, and I have found myself to be a bit off lately. Crying for no reason, or for things like Tim Horton's commercials ... bitchy for no reason ... worried, distracted, needy, the list goes on.
So many people say to me "Oh, you must be so glad he is home, that he is safe" and I AM, I truly, truly am ...
but maybe the what ifs and what could have beens are still haunting the corners of my mind. I guess they are always there, to some degree, but in the months when you are still celebrating the joy of being together, they are a little fresher, a little closer to the surface.
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