Sebastian and I had a conversation a while ago about "Paying full price" in life. Like people who are jealous and bitter about their neighbours' 52" TV, but only willing to pay $200 for one, too many people are bitter and resentful of unfulfilled dreams, but not willing to do what it takes to make them a reality. They are not willing to pay full price in their lives for the things they want to have, yet are jealous of the people who are.
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One of my dance instructors recently related a story regarding following one's dreams, and surviving on "Tuna and Rice" for a while in order to be true to your higher calling, your passion, your dreams. (Likely better for your health and waistline, as a side benefit)
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I was approached a while ago to help facilitate one of the local OSISS groups, and I didn't leap at the opportunity at the time, but a few weeks ago I started making the connections again to make it happen. No real trigger, it was just picking at my brain that it was time.
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S is back in therapy, and is having some major "lightbulb" moments, which are rocking him pretty hard. Some of them we talk about, some of them are not the kind of things he feels comfortable discussing with me. Some things have slipped out when he lets his guard down. I have not poked at those things; he is totally in the drivers' seat on this one.
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Compassion Fatigue Solutions, a training facility I have done one course through, has been promoting a new e-course, and a new (revised) workbook. This is another set of courses I have been meaning to take, but keep finding and excuse not to ... basically, I haven't been willing to "pay full price", to make the sacrifice ...
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I have been unhappy with my job, and there are strong rumours that with provincial budgets, that decision might soon be taken out of my hands - I might be looking for a new job.All of these things have crashed together in my mind tonight, with a few other things, and are telling me it is time to follow the call, and move towards doing what will really give me satisfaction.
I started out my educational career in psychology, but veered away and into the environmental field because when I was young, I was afraid that I would not be able to insulate myself enough to keep "my failures" - the people who were not ready to be helped - from killing me.
I have always felt called to help more, to make more of a difference. I have been told that in many of my former lives I was a healer. I am trained in Reiki. I have done some very informal counselling through the Family Support Group. I have found it very rewarding, and have received positive feedback.
I have contacted OSISS to re-investigate the possibility of participating in a local group as a volunteer, and to pursue some of their facilitator training opportunities.
I will be looking into some of the courses through Compassion Fatigue Solutions more seriously.
Some of these changes will require sacrifice. The courses are expensive. I will have to cut some corners. Maybe eat a lot more tuna and rice ...
The courses, and the volunteering, will take time. I will have to make some decisions about what I give up to make room for them.
Its time to start paying full price for what I want.
Wow, do I sense a lot of very powerful positive vibes associated with this post.
ReplyDeleteI know that some of the best things that have happened to me in the last 6 years started out as seemingly negative things that were actually major, positive opportunities that resulted from difficult changes I had thrust on me. Now, I would never go back to the way things were. I suspect you are experiencing so similar opportunities..
I wish you and S all the best...ALWAYS, T
People who want things but do not want to pay the full price. Democrats, all.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you on your desire to help, especially for the troops who are sourly hurting in that field. Because you care makes you just the right person. I think S can keep you grounded, too. So you want hurt yourself too badly.