Wolf Training

Soundtrack for this post:  The Tower, Vienna Teng

I had my first appointment today with the counselor provided by the Canadian Forces, to talk about the issue with the Wolf.  He was talking a fair bit about "Fight or Flight" responses.

He feel that the Wolf is in full "Flight" mode.  I, however, am at about 90% Fight and 10% Flight, in the counselor's estimation.  He thinks this is a good thing.

Counselor dude, hereafter refered to as CD, thinks the wolf is running away from his emotions, and how strongly he feels, because he doesn't want to deal with them.  

Me, being stubborn, determined, and used to getting my own way, am still trying to work things out, wait things out, and figure things out.

We also talked about the concept of "Pre Deployment Separation Anxiety".  I mentioned, jokingly, that the only "seperation anxiety" I was used to dealing with was in regards to dogs.  What am I supposed to do, send the Wolf a milk bone to reassure him, and keep him busy?


CD says I should send the Wolf a shirt that smells like me, to give him some comfort.  I laughed.  He said, no, I am actually serious.  Wear a t-shirt for a couple of days, then seal it up in a ziplock so it still smells like you, and send it to him.  The same theory holds - sub-consciously, it will remind the Wolf of me, and trigger "safe" memories.



I'm thinking about it.  CD also recommended a couple of books we should both read; if I do the shirt thing, I will wrap it around one of the books, and send it as a package.


For those of you that are interested, the two books are : 


Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, by Dr Sue Johnson


and


The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman


The Wolf and I did talk on Tuesday night; I challenged him, among other things, to go talk to either the OSIS folks or the Padre, and tell them everything that has happened over the last 4 or 5 months, and see if they agree that the way he is handling it is appropriate.  I will not write his response here verbatim; let's just say he declined. 



I also told him that I had been chatting with a good friend, another soldier, another vetran, another "lifer" and a PTSD survivor, although he almost wasn't.  My friend tried to take his own life a few years ago after returning from the sandbox; thankfully he was discovered, his life was saved, and he got the treatment he required.  He now has his head screwed on straighter than most people I know, and he has been my saviour as I work though this.



When I relayed this to the Wolf, and said my friend was recognizing a lot of his own behaviour in the way the Wolf is now acting, his response was "I didn't need to worry about him trying to kill himself".  Not that "I don't have PTSD".  Just that I don't have to worry about him trying to kill himself.


Food for thought.