Depression, Medication, and Happiness

Last week my therapist (Thank you CF) did an assessment with me, and gently suggested that I talk to my doctor about medication for mild depression.  He did agree that it was likely situational, but thought it might help me in the short term.  On the assessment, I "scored" into the assessments for mild OCD and mild Anxiety Disorder, and into depression more than mildly.

I am very resistant to the idea of medication for depression.  

Its not that I don't think the meds will help. It's that the way I was raised sees it as admitting weakness, and that I should be able to just do it on my own because I am "smart enough", and I shouldn't need the meds, that it is weakness.  I should be able to "try harder" and "smarten up".  I wouldn't think that about anyone else, just about myself.  Like most of us, I am way harder on myself than I am on others.

I also admit that I am showing signs that are usually associated with clinical depression.  I have no ambition at work; and very little at home.  I don't go to the gym any more.  Once again I am very thankful for my dog, who is some days the only reason I voluntarily leave the house.  I have been eating very, very poorly.  I have been isolating myself from my friends, unless they basically force themselves on me.  My house is an absolute disaster.  Way worse than usual, for those of you that know me well ;-).  My house is usually messy; it is now absolutely chaotic, and verging on dirty.

So, what am I going to do about it?

I am going to go see the doctor; I have an appointment for next Tuesday.

I am going to continue seeing my therapist, as long as the CF continues to pay for it.

I am committing to cleaning up my kitchen first, and then my living room/bed room, spending at least 15 minutes a day cleaning and organizing.  (Thank you, Fly Lady, for once teaching me theses habits)

I am going to eat better; I will still allow myself treats, but I am going to eat 3 "real" meals a day, plus healthier snacks.  I am not going to become obsessive about this, but I am going to be better.  This will involve first cleaning my fridge, so I have room for healthy food.  Good thing I have a big composter. I will start using Fit Day again to track my progress with eating, and identify areas for improvement.



I am going to limit my caffiene (I have already started this - hello, headache).  Two or 3 diet cokes a week, and green tea in the morning only.

I will drink more water.



I am going to take all those vitamins and supplements my Doc recommended, instead of just leaving them sitting on the shelf gathering dust.  I paid for them, I might as well use them.


I am going to make a to do list of all my outstanding and imminent work commitments, and start knocking them off.  I will post the list somewhere where I see it when I am at my desk, so I can't get distracted by the issue of the moment.


I am also committing myself to getting my finances in order; through my work benefits, there is financial counseling available, and I will take advantage of that and come up with a plan to get things under control.

I will go to the gym at least once a week, and I will take the fur child for a long walk at least once a week.

You will notice that none of these resolutions have anything to do with the Wolf, or our relationship.  I am doing my damnedest to accept what happens there with Zen calm, and just take it day by day.  I am trying to realize that I can't control that, and just have to accept it for what it is.  I am going to try to not spend so much time on wishing and trying to predict the future; since that seems to lead to disappointment.

I will update my progress here from time to time, add more goals, and also comment on how this is affecting my outlook and attitude.