I have talked to the Wolf a couple of times, and things are getting better.
It seems to be a problem with the way he labels things in his head, and he needs to not have a "relationship" label in his head when he "goes off to war". I am "allowed" to still love him, and stay in contact, and support him, (he is actually starting to sound pleased by this again) but he can't be distracted by having a "girl friend" or "fiancee". He can have a good friend, and can promise not to get into any other relationships, physical or emotional, without telling me first; he is not saying he wants a license to play fast and loose. He is not planning on getting into a relationship with anyone else; he just can't be "in a relationship" at all right now ...
Men are weird.
Oops, sorry, that was my outside voice.
And when I asked for clarification that it wasn't me specifically he didn't want to be in a relationship with, he sounded almost horrified that I would think that, and was very quick to reassure me that wasn't the case.
I have been talking to another soldier who has been down a similar road himself. Similar to the one the Wolf seems to be on, that is. He thinks that once the Wolf gets where he is going, he will realize it is not the same theater that is causing his current stress, and may begin to relax. He is also reinforcing to me that I need to maintain contact, if I want to, for my own sake.
So I am looking after me. But I am, again, for today at least, at peace with what is going on. I really think the Wolf is just going through some exteme pre deployment separation anxiety, and I think we can make it. I think, if we make it through this, we will come out the other side stronger.
I think we will both have some things to work on when we come out the other side, but I think this is an opportunity, more than a set back. I think that the Wolf needs to do this to start to heal, to get back on that horse and see that he can, indeed, still ride it.
And, on a completely side note, I am going to use the intevening time to really get serious about working out and eating right, and I am gonna look smokin' hot by the time that boy of mine gets home .... is that bad ;-) ?
nope, nope not at all is it bad to get smokin hot while he's away. I find it easier to eat better while he's gone, or not so much better but less, since I revert to bachelor days and eat frozen meals.
ReplyDeleteand hang in there relationships go thru so many speedbumps when they are deployed. I sometimes think its a self protection mechanism or I compare it to a horse with blinders on. They just get so focused on being there and the work they are doing that everything else can get sideboarded. Give it time and I hope it all falls into place.