To follow your passion ...

To follow your passion, you kinda need to know what it is first.

I have been thinking about this on and off lately.  I have had a restlessness with my job, not true unhappiness, just the feeling that I am not where I am supposed to be, not doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I am coming up on 3 years in this position.

I just read an article on Yahoo! News about a lady who was given a terminal cancer diagnosis, went into remission, and has now changed careers and is living her dream - to be a truck driver.  She had some truly inspirational words about being happy NOW, for one never knows what lies around the corner.

I have been thinking about it in terms of my current career.  When I was on contract I used to move every six months.  Usually I was brought into a project or situation that had lagged, often because the previous person had lost their passion or drive, and was asked to revitalize it. I absolutely loved the challenge of looking at a project or situation, seeing where it has gone off the rails, and finding ways to get it back on track, breathe the life back into it.

Then to leave again before I got to be the one who has stagnated, who has lost their passion.

I am not saying I am not grateful for the chance to be a permanent full time employee, the benefits, pension, seniority, and all that jazz ... but at what cost?  Do I have to trade my passion for security?

I am most passionate, most alive, lately, when I am talking with people, helping them work through problems.  For example, talking with the other members of the FSG, helping them find out why they are really sad or stressed, listening to them, letting them tell their story, and helping them come up with strategies to make things better.

I started out in psychology in post secondary, but quickly realized that at the time my heart was too much on my sleeve, and I had too much of a need to save the world.  I would blame myself when things didn't work out, and would have burned myself out much too quickly.  Have I grown out of that?  Can I find a helping type profession where I would be able to fullfill my need to help without destroying myself in the process?  I think so ... but I don't know how to be sure.

Sebastian has an on-going joke with me that someone with my skill set should be a spy ... but I really don't think that is a career I will pursue.  I looked up on the CSIS web site - the pay is not great, for one thing!  Then again, not one ever went into the environmental field for the money, either.

I am going to move forward with something; likely start with some correspondance courses.  I have been offered direct entry into 3rd year of a couple of different programs at a Canadian Univeristy; and I can take a few courses before I need to commit to a path. 

When I was first entering post secondary, I was accepted to both Political Science streams and Psychology streams at different, well respected universities.  I chose psychology.  I do not regret that choice ... I am just wondering which one to make now.

A counselling psychology stream?  Psychology of the Environment / Evolutionary Psychology, which is something I have always found fascinating?  Poli-Sci?

I have no idea.  But I need to do something.