Intuition

**Please note, this post has been recorded live before a studio audience (well, OK, the dogs).  I am off enjoying my reunion.  I will catch up with you all on my return**

During last week's health coaching session, we talked about intuition, and learning to tune into it again.

When my coach asked me about intuition and whether I believed in it, I responded that I did, I came from a maternal line of women who had been highly intuitive, and that I had been highly intuitive as a child, but that I had a couple of negative experiences that had caused me to "slam the door", and that while in the last few years I had wanted to re-open the door, I was not having much luck.

In thinking about it more, I think that I was feeling guilt that I had somehow caused the bad things to happen, and taking responsibility for not preventing them.  For example, I knew, absolutely, when my great grandmother was going to die.  I knew 2 weeks in advance (which was my standard timing, then) that she was going to die, how I was going to find out, all of it.  And I couldn't stop it, could do absolutely nothing to prevent it.

Now, as an adult, I realize that my Great Grandmother was in her 90's, that death was not necissarily a bad thing, just a change, and that a) I couldn't have been expected to prevent it and b) preventing it wouldn't have been the proper thing to do anyway.  But as a child, trying to process, I somehow made it my fault, and the fault of the "dreams", and turned my back on them.

Now you might ask yourself, if I had all these highly intuitive women around me, why didn't one of them sense my pain?

My mother and Aunt had turned there backs on their intuition, to the point where my Aunt spent some time in a mental institution, and my mother has turned denying her intuition into a proper art form.  My Grandmother lived next door, but she was dealing with the loss of her mother, who had lived with her; my mother's grief; all the paperwork and household arrangements, and a number of other things.  My grandmother was a wonderful, warm, loving lady who did her best for my brother and I, but also tried not to overstep her place.  I believe she did what she felt she could; she did her best.

My efforts to re-open the door have been meeting with mixed success.  My health coach has recommended that I start small ~ what should I have for supper tonight?  What should I do to recharge myself today? ~ and learn to recognize the inner voice or intuition, vs a voice of craving, or fear, or something else.  She has also lent me a book - Divine Guidance by Doreen Virtue, PhD.  I will be reading it over the next few days, and trying the exercises.