Insecurities

Sebastian's return is approaching fast, and this last week he had been a bit stand offish, which was making me insecure.  Since he has repeatedly reminded me he is not the Wolf, I have no other "end of tour" experience to compare with, and I am not sure what "normal" is.  I know he has mixed feelings about returning home, thinking there is so much left to do there, that he is leaving jobs un-done.  If he were given the option I know he would choose to stay, but that is not an option.  I am not sure if that was what was leading him to be a little abrupt, and not choose his words very carefully, or if there was something else going on.

Of course, MSN and Skype are still not working between us (he thinks there is something wrong with his computer) so communication has been frustrating.

I had some posts half written about how I was feeling, the daemons in my brain, questioning what had changed between us ... but he is now somewhere he can relax and cut loose, and all seems to be well again.  I have been getting many, many messages a day from him ... some of them increasingly silly, as I assume there has been some "lubrication" applied to his brain.  He did mention he woke up this morning with a horrible head ache ...

The point of this rambling is that once again I have learned that while I stew away about something, let it eat at me, and decide the world is ending ... he meant absolutely nothing by whatever it was he said, and I have over thought and over analyzed.  I am learning, for this time I didn't ask him what was going on, react outwardly to him, or try to compensate, to "fix" it.  I waited, and it turned out to be nothing, or at least nothing I had caused, or needed to worry about.

The next lesson I need to learn is to wait more patiently, without the mental torture I put myself through.