The power of numbers

Soundtrack for this post: Sugarland - What I'd Give

Wow. The countdown timer for the Wolf's business trip just flipped to 49. Fifty and 49 are just one number a part. But my brain has done a complete flip as well. Suddenly deployment has gone from this theoretical thing that was going to happen some day soon to ...

OH MY GOD HE'S REALLY LEAVING and I don't know if I can handle it and its such a long time and there's so much living and organizing and details to get looked after in the next 49 days and how am I going to get through this .....

OK breathe .... you can do this. Thousands of other families have. And some of those families are your friends, and they will help you.

breathe ...

Of course, the 49 days is only hypothetical, since we don't have a firm d-date yet, only a "mid October" target. So it likely isn't really 49 days ... which caused the next panic attack: what if they bump the d-date early? What if they spring some more surprise training on him? What if I actually don't get to see the Wolf again before he goes? What if last time I dropped him at the airport is the last time I see him until his HTLA next year?

breathe ...

Now because numbers are so much fun, and because I am a sick masochist, I figured out how many days in 2009 the Wolf and I have been in the same Province or State ... the grand total is: 29 days. In 8 months so far of 2009, we have spent 29 days in geographic proximity. Maybe I'm already good at this MilSpouse thing, cause looking at it I think "29. That's not so bad, really.."; but it doesn't feel like enough. I am greedy; I want more.

breathe ...

Now, Wolf's sister in law is very happy right now because she is going away on a "girl" weekend, without her hubby and kids. And while I do understand, and I am happy for her, a big, childish part of me is whining because all I want is to be with my man, and do all those little things that she takes for granted, and just be ...

breathe ...

I can do this. I will "put on my big girl panties" and my brave face, and be the strong woman that the Wolf loves. I will support him to the best of my ability, even if that means crying in the shower where no-one can her me, and telling him I am fine when I am not. I know there are others I can lean on when I need to; for him, I will be strong. I will fight my own battles in my own way. I will be his strength at home.

and I will breathe ...