"People Pleaser"

(aside: I am still dealing with leftover steroid psychosis, but I am mostly dealing with it be ignoring it and hoping it goes away soon.  It either that or calling in a tactical strike on a co-worker that's pissing me off, and there's just too much paperwork involved in that so ... denial works.  A 2.5 mile walk at lunch also helped.)


If so many of us claim to be "people pleasers", then why are there so many displeased people in the world?


Yes. That was a rhetorical question.


I know why.


Some people are just permanently displeased, and are content that way. (Hellooooo, mother ....)


The bigger issue, is trying to please people in ways that don't work for them; driving yourself to do things that YOU think they want or need, instead of what they actually want or need.


Do I do this? Hell yes.  Frequently.  Mostly to the people I love the most.


We think we are being people pleasers when we try to step in and take other people's lessons away.  We try to fix their problems, we try to take the hurt away, we try to "mom" them. Often, the person we are trying to please either learns to take advantage of us, or starts to resent us.


We need to turn our inner mom into a tough-love parent.  We need to let people learn their lessons, and have the sense of achievement that comes with solving their own problems.


We need to give ourselves the respect to meet our own needs.  Obviously some of that comes from helping others, but we need to get pickier about how, when, and how often we do that.  If we really want to please the people we love, we have to respect their needs, their ways of living and growing, and their autonomy.  We need to be there for them in the way they need us to be there for them - even if that is by being a witness to their struggles, being the sounding board they turn to when they need to think something through on their own.


When I say we here, I mean I.  I need to do these things.  Maybe you do too, but that's your call to make.