Insight comes from funny places ...

I get a daily horoscope e-mailed to me, just for fun, but every now and then it gets a bit scary.  Today's offering was:

A tiny little thing has set you off. You know you're being totally unreasonable, but at the moment, you don't care. Put things in perspective. Think about waking up alone. Permanently.

I don't completely believe in horoscopes, ouija boards, tarot cards, things of that nature, but I do think that they are all tools that can nudge your brain to think about your issues from a different perspective, possibly channeling your sub conscious mind into the answers you already knew were there.


One of the things that was really setting me off the last few days was the status of the relationship between Sebastian and I.  Oddly enough, over the holidays we talked about it, and reaffirmed that we didn't need to fit into other people's boxes, other people's definitions, as long as it worked for us, as long as we were both happy.


Except I wasn't completely honest with him.


I am really hoping that once the crap (which, not to jinx things, should be resolved, one way or the other, in the next few weeks ... unless things get changed yet again) is over and done with, he would relax again and we could move forward.  Unfortunately, I feel like we have been in a holding pattern for so long that I have become more of a friend, a sister, than anything else.  


And the other day, the first day of dealing with the paranoia that I think was related to the Prednisone, that there was a "tiny little thing" that set me off.  I jumped to conclusions, and let my imagination create a whole scenario that left me heartbroken.


I did keep it all to myself, and with a few days rest and healthy eating, I feel like I have my perspective again, and I am less emotional.  I also know I need to be honest with S about how I feel ... and I will, after the impending crap is over.  I will.


I will not demand anything from him; I will not give ultimatums.  I don't work that way.  But I need to be honest.


I have told him before that I love him unconditionally.  I have not explained to him that unconditional love does not mean he has to love me back; or be able to love me back right now.  But I also need to quit living with everything hidden, sacrificing my own emotions in trying to protect him, to ease his path, to wait until I believe he's ready to respond.  Sometimes life just happens, whether you are ready for it or not.


Today's horoscope was bang on.