Unconditional Love

S was here visiting a couple of weeka ago, and one of our many conversations got me thinking about unconditional love.
He loved his ex wife unconditionally, but not in what I (or he, in hindsight) consider a healthy way.  His unconditionaly love allowed her to treat him poorly, to disrespect him, and he accepted that.  He did things he now feels shame for, made choices that were definitely not in his self interest, and became a shadow, mentally and emotionally, of his true self.

I told him a while ago that I loved him unconditionally, and he seemed uncomfortable with that.  Seen through the lense of his past experience, I can understand why.

I tried to explain to him that from me, unconditional love was in no way an excuse for bad behaviour or abuse, and that it would not lead me (I hope) to stray from the core of who I really am.

One of the things that unconditional love does mean, is that the reality of my love for him is not dependant on his ability to express/admit/deal with his feelings for me.

He has a number of things going on in his life right now; baggage from his marriage, but also baggage from this last tour.  One of these things will hopefully be resovled within the next couple of months;  I am not sure when the other will be resolved.

He is, at this point, unable to deal with "love", in whatever connotation it currently holds for him. 

A number of my friends are trying to convince me it is time to "move on".  I am not sure that is the right choice for me.

I am unsure of exactly what defines a relationship, especially a healthy one involving distance.

We communicate every day, multiple times a day, over the entire course of the day.
We turn to each other to share the happy and the sad things that happen.
We care about, and pay attention to, the things that happen in each other's lives.
We occur to each other, which is one of the things I have often maintained that is critical to a relationship.

So, is this friendship, or is it more than friendship?  One of our friends says we are like an old married couple - the whole, comfortable relationship, without the sex.  Most friends who have seen us together maintain that we are in a relationship, and its time to call a duck a duck.  And the others, like I said, are telling me it tim to move on.

I guess I am the only one who can tell what is right for me, and for me right now, the status quo with S is fine.  If that changes ... I will have to decide then what I do.

Thanks for listening.