Does the Wolf Deserve Me?
I have been asked variations of this question a few times. My answer is yes, unreservedly. He is a good man, and deserves the very best of me, the best I am capable of being, the best I have to give.
The more relevant question, and the one harder to answer is;
What do I deserve?
I deserve to be happy. I deserve to not suffer. I, in return, deserve the very best of him, the best he is capable of being, the best he has to give.
But what is the best he has to give, the best he is capable of being? And who gets to define that?
And will the best he has to give, all he is capable of giving at this point in his journey, be enough for me?
I spent 2009 in a quest to quit striving to live up to the expectations of others, and start living up to my own. A friend of mine observed that a great deal of my angst and pain is caused by the failure of my relationship with the Wolf to live up to other people's standards - my friends, my parents, society at large.
He does make me happy, the majority of the time.
So I wait, I bide my time, until we can be face to face and sort some things out.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
5 comments:
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Like you said, nothing will ever be resolved until y'all get a face to face. Stay true to yourself, stay open and honest with him, and let him know you are here for the long haul.
ReplyDelete80%
ReplyDeleteI don't know where I first heard it, or when. If you feel that eighty percent of the time you can look at this person with love, respect, adoration and happiness then it's enough. That will make the other 20% of anger, disappointment, confusion and even a little resentment a fair trade because there is no such thing as 100%. It's not out there and the ones that look for it are never happy and never last. I want forever, so I'll take 80%.
(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteOnly you can define your happiness....
ReplyDeleteIt always amazes me how 'loss' rather than 'gain'...seems more important socially....to the 'hero/villian' role...... that binds what most of us experience as culture in these times.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to expect what we are willing to give....in return. To me...anything less is a lack of self-respect and marginalizes our ability to experience love.