Fast like the wind
Calm like the forest
Conquering like the fire
Invincible like the mountains
The quote above, adapted from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", is on a t-shirt the Wolf bought me when I went to see him when he was training at Dover AFB.
Snow is falling gently outside the window, and has been all day. Very light snow, doesn't look like much. Until I open the door and realize that *all day* has accumulated and I need to shovel the sidewalk again.
However, I came to a realization. Words that my best friend's hubby said to me many years ago, but I have finally claimed as my own.
I will not appologize for loving with my whole heart, nor will I try to stop myself, hold myslef back. It is part of who I am, what makes me me.
After yet another painful break up with a man, my friends were cautioning me against my habit of giving my heart completely, and quickly, when I enter a relationship. They have seen me get hurt many times, and seek to save me from myself, because they love me, and don't want to see me hurt again. PS sat and listened to their words, and then looked up at them and simply said "But that's what makes her who she is." I can see that moment still as clear as day, tell you exactly where we were, etc.
I have finally claimed the truth of those words. I do give my whole heart, unreservedly. It is part of what makes me who I am, and I will not appologize for it, nor will I pretend to hold back. I will love completely. Like any gift, the recipient can choose what they do with a gift which is freely given.
That was beautifully said.
ReplyDeleteI lost an old friend this past June, she shared that same quality of loving whole-heartedly, and funny, I'd defended her with the same words a few times. At her wake, it was that same quality that people spoke of, what they felt was her essence, and the aspect of her that was irreplaceable to us all.
It a great quality, never lose it.
From your previous post: Fort Mac?
My sister works there : ) is that were you are?
I discovered there is little art in war...most of all it's a mess.
ReplyDeletesounds too martyred to my old ears....for how does one give love in such a fashion? Love between adults is give and take....not some fantasy made up in a romantic context from the influences of too much loneliness in childhood.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion love like that is only for fools who would rather be rejected than expect what they are supposedly trying to give. Sounds like you are trying to learn a lesson of self-acceptance...rather than truthfully express it.