Degrees of hurt

I think this is a theme that I will re-visit often, but today's post is sparked by something I read on another Military Spouse's blog (not one I follow, so don't bother looking for it over on the right!).  This is not someone I normally read, so I don't know what her typical attitude or outlook is, but in this post she seemed quite bitter.  He hubs is in the middle of a 15 month deployment.  Which absolutely sucks, and I don't think anyone would argue with that.  Her point, however, was that since her hubs was gone for 15 months to Iraq, that people whose loved one was "only" gone for 3 months, 6 months, etc., and/or "only" away on training didn't have any right to complain, to feel bad, the right to feel what they were feeling.

I disagree with that.  (I do, however, agree that the woman who was complaining bitterly because her hubs was leaving for 24 hours on a business trip might have chosen her audience more carefully)

How much I am hurting or missing the Wolf does not make anyone else's pain any less real to them, any less valid.  I have a friend whose man is a long haul truck driver.  He is gone for 4 or 5 days out of every single week.  No, no one is shooting at him, nor does he have to worry about IEDs on the side of the 401.  But he is still gone, and she still misses him.  And those feeling are real.  And I feel for her, and honour her feelings, and do what I can to make her life easier.  I don't tell her to suck it up because of my circumstances.

I know a number of other Mil Spouses whose loved one is deployed for a few months, or 6, to the sandbox, on a ship, or on training courses, but for whatever reason, they are AWAY.  They are separated.  They are missing each other.

I think the fact that your loved one is separated from you gives you more sympathy or empathy for anyone in a similar situation.  It is not a pissing contest.  It is not an excuse for bad behaviour.  It is a shared pain.