Just a little reminder to myself that the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.
**venting to follow**
I am getting pushed and pulled in a million different directions right now, especially by people who know varying degrees of what is going on with S. Very strongly today by one person I work with who doesn't know nearly as much as she thinks she does about the situation, but continues to give me advice anyway. She was never a big fan of the relationship between S and I, and refused to respect my feelings and thoughts on the issue. She is now very obviously trying to fix me up with a "nice" man. Subtle is a word she does not know.
Almost reminds me of why I didn't like the Bahamas - people grabbing me on the street and literally dragging me into their stores to see what they had for sale.
She thinks I should write S off completely, just walk away and forget him. Her own marriage is far from perfect, but she has no hesitation in criticizing all the things she thinks are wrong in my life, and telling me what I shouldn't put up with. She will not listen when I try to tell her that the compromises I choose to make are my decision, and that my decisions do not have to be what hers would be.
Avoiding her is not an option. Long story, but its just not. She has managed to talk this "nice man" into joining one of our volunteer committees; she has also arranged that I have to pick up my expenses cheque today while he is at her house "helping" her with something.
So I need to be polite and professional and hide the fact that the harder she pushes, the more prone I am not not like the poor guy just out of spite or something.
I am NOT willing to give up on S. I am very hurt and very angry with him, but I am NOT ready to walk away. I still hope we can salvage something, a friendship at least, and grow from this.
Some people support me in this, and the rest of them will just have to accept it.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
2 comments:
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Sounds to me like you're doing just fine B. I don't think you would like me to even get started on people like her, Ach that's just an awful way to behave and distressing too. You have plenty of support. It always baffles me when the super advice givers get going how they seem to forget they are talking about living, breathing HUMAN BEINGS here that really matter, not some inanimate object. They spend too much time with their heads in very dark cavities...er, places.
ReplyDeleteOoooh. I dislike people like that very much. I think they should take their own f'ing advice. It usually is more projection than advice ... when I did my years of therapy and would go out with friends trying to work out their stuff, we would always end any advice we dished to each other with either (me) and now i must take my own f'ing advice (or them) ah, take your own f'ing advice.
ReplyDeleteBut it isn't so easy to say that to a coworker who is less aware, right? And, um, poor guy. Seriously, awkward.
I can see that you are sitting with what you have, with how you feel. I hope you can filter out that woman's noise as best you can and smooth your feathers with the knowledge that you are honouring your own path.
(((((HUGS)))))