Most Recent Visit

My visit up to see S last week went very well.  Things are very comfortable, and we fit into each other's lives nicely.  It was a very good visit.

He is still having a bit of a hard time getting used to being back in Canada, and misses A'stan.  It is getting better, but it is definitely still there.  Things like the grocery store still bother him.  But he has chilled out about the fact that a sniper could see into his kitchen.  S'all good.

It did occur to him to make sure I understood that wanting to be back there does not necissarily mean he doesn't want to be here, or that he wants to go away from me.  I do understand that, and told him he didn't have to worry about hurting my feelings.  There are some things going on here, politics and posturing within the Regiment, that make life over there simple by comparison.  It is the life he knew for so many months, it was, in some ways, much simpler.  I get it.

I think that is one of the things that makes this relationship work well.  He knows I won't judge him, and that I try not to read meanings into things he says.  If I want clarification on something, if I think he means something more that what he has actually said, I will (usually) ask him.

Leaving to come home was hard, for me.  I did, as always, manage to keep the tears in check until I had pulled away.  He seemed confused by my sadness - I mean, he is staying "home" for a while, not going anywhere scary.  He looked at me with confusion and said "But, you'll be back soon!", looking for an explanation of why I was holding on so tight.  I couldn't, and still can't, put it into words, at least not words that he will understand.  He is amazing at keeping the connection, staying in touch, including me in his life when we are separated by geography.  But I still miss him when we are apart.

Sometimes, reality bites.