Further thoughts on the end of a friendship

I am still sad about the way the friendship with Big Dog seems to have ended.  TW and I have had soem good chats about why I feel the way I do.  (TW realized the "down side" much earlier than I did, and has been able to emotionally keep her distance, and her perspective, much better)

Thoughts, in no particular order:

Because my mother needed me to mother her, instead of being able to be one to me, I have been "trained" to mother, so the self destructive qualities in Big Dog were soemthing that brought out that mothering instinct, the need to care for and help, and that filled a need in me that is part of who I am, but is not necessarily, in this case, expressed in a healthy way.

I am sad that a good man is destroying himself, and the potential that exists in him.  It hurts because I love him; but I love myself enough to not force myself to be part of it, to have a front row seat, and to enable it.

If I am honest with myself, I was enabling him, as do many of his friends ~ we take his keys, we make excuses, we put up with his abusive behaviour.  I am not part of this any more.

I am not sad that I couldn't "fix him", which is actually a pretty big step for me.  I tend to feel that things are my responsibility to fix (you know, little things like world peace, climate change, and alchoholism ...).  The fact that I am not angry with myself for "failing" to fix him, or feeling guilty, is actually a positive.

TW tried to throw that "everyone comes into our lives for a reason" BS at me (sorry TW if you are reading this) but I really don't believe that.  Yes, I may have learned things from this friendship, but I believe sometimes people just cross our paths because they are there.  We can choose to learn from the enounters we have, but I don't believe that every individual is "sent to us" by the universe or the powers that be for a reason.

Today's ramblings.

Take care of each other, kittens.  Its a tough world out there.