I had my first nightmare last night where someone was hunting me with a sniper rifle. I was trying to find a place to hide, worrying about my dog, and regretting the fact that "lots of windows" is a personal requirement for any place I live.
Do I really think the Wolf is going to come after me with a gun? No ... not really ... I don't believe that.
Do I think things could get ugly? Yep. To the point where I have talked to a neighbour who is a cop and told him if he hears anything at my house, to assume the worst and act accordingly.
The Wolf has been continuing to reach out to me in little ways, MSN conversations, FaceBook comments, etc. I also know he is back in Anger Management, but I don't recall if that is a standard part of the whole decompression process or not.
WIth me, he is acting like nothing bad ever happened, that things are fine, that we can go on to being the good friends we once were ... he seems to have forgotten both the intimate times, and the pain. He is certainly taking no ownership of anything that happened.
He knows me well enough to know that playing on my sympathy, trying to make me feel guilty, that he was "suffering" before, and I "need to" talk to him, to help him through this, has a chance of working. I need to stay strong, to remember that I have rights too, to remember that he does need to take ownership of what he has done.
I know I need to listen to my heart and my gut; I have (mostly) dealt with my pain and moved forward. I have found closure, and I do not owe him anything. I should not let him have any power over me, even the power to make e feel scared, to be jumping at noises, starting when I see tall people with brush cuts ...
~~~~~~~~~
Aside: when I flew home from California last week, I saw a man getting off another flight in the Denver airport, a soldier in desert camo, tall and broad shouldered ... I hoped he was coming home to someone who loved him ... and I had a little cry.
I can assure you that where we are, Anger Management is not a required part of decompression. I hope your first encounter with the Wolf is a positive one, if at all possible.
ReplyDeleteI suggest for awhile you only meet and talk to him in a public place...like a police station lobby.
ReplyDelete