May you live in interesting times

This is shaping up to be one of those freakin' weeks. Because really, I need something else to think about.

I went to the doctor last night for the results of an ultrasounds I had 3 weeks ago. I was a bit suspicious of what the results were going to be. The tech spent an awful lot of time in the vicinity of my left ovary, obviously measuring something. I have had enough ultrasounds to recognize some of their "movements".

Normally I am not a big worry wart over health related issues. I have a number of medical conditions, but none of them are life threatening. Odds are good, based on my history to date, that I will live to be a very old, feisty broad. I also have a fairly well developed awareness of my own body. I have felt that "something" was going on in my tummy or abdominal region for a while, but a number of "specialists" have assured me it was nothing to be concerned about, and I believed that.

It kept nagging at the back of my head, however, that when we had the cancer scare with the Wolf back in July/August, that I had at one point tried to make a deal with the powers that be. I had passionately asked them to make the spots on the Wolf's left lung not be cancer after all, and to give it to me instead if they wanted; I had the time, and the attitude, to deal with it, and he obviously did not. I am aware that the Powers that Be don't tend to work on those kind of deals, but I was a bit desperate at that point.

I sat down in the doctor's chair last night and she looked at me and said straight out "You likely realize they found something".

"Mmmm hmmmm"(I am quite well spoken when I am stressed)

She then turned the computer screen to me so I could read the report myself. Which, since I am a forester not a doctor, was only mildly helpful.

I have a cyst on my left ovary that is 1.9 cm x 1.4 cm x 1.0 cm. It has some internal divisions, but no "suspicious free fluid". I talked to the doc a bit, and the chances of it being cancer are very, very low. The concern for her is that it might rupture, which will be incredibly painful, and may have unfortunate complications. I have had an ovarian cyst rupture before, so I can vouch for the very painful part. The doc who saw me then, when I had said I was afraid my appendix had ruptured, replied "Oh no, your appendix wouldn't hurt nearly this badly". Joy.

I go back in 3 weeks for another ultrasound (internal) to see if it has changed, grown, shrunk, whatever; then we decide what to do about it. I have, of course, been on Mayo Clinic's Web site and similar trustworthy sites. I can see that as she said, the risk of it being cancer based on my age, the characteristics of the cyst, etc., are low. But then again, they had told the Wolf there was a 90% chance he did have cancer, and then decided he didn't ...

So yes, the brain demons are circling again. I am not, really, as worried about the slight risk of cancer, but I am concerned about the cyst rupturing. I know how painful that is, and I know it will take me out of commission for a while. I seriously don't have time to be sick right now.

And last time I had a cyst rupture my daddy picked me up, took me to the hospital, and looked after me. What am I going to do without my daddy if it ruptures?? (OK, that was just pouting. I will be fine, I do have good people here to look after me. I just had to get that out)