At least, a start.
The counsellor was ... mediocre. I am willing to give her some more time, but there was certainly not an instant connection, and she certainly didn't reveal anything novel or earth shattering. But then again, it was the first time she had met me, and I did lay quite a bit on her. I do have some homework, but for now, I have to briefly discuss something else :
Sebastian is not "shutting me out", as I have been seeing it. He is trying to protect me, but not because he thinks I am weak, that I can't handle what is going on, or that I don't deserve to know; and certainly not because he doesn't care.
This is a mission for him to complete, in his mind. It is a battle. You don't take civilians to battle with you; you don't take your girlfriend (at least, not since the days of Napoleon). You don't take someone who might distract you from focusing on and successfully completing the mission objectives.
Some of you might read that and think "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?!?" but to me it makes perfect sense. And all of a sudden, I was more OK with it than I have been in a long time.
In another strange twist of fate, one of Sebastian's friends, Tex, e-mailed me today and told me not to worry about anything, and basically said he was going to ride in from the east and save the day ... damn near a "Don't you fret, little lady, I'll look after this". I could just imagine a ten gallon on his head and his thumbs caught in his holster ...
Boys are kinda cute, when they're not being dumb ...
I absolutely think that's the case with S and you are right...makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this is a totally different scenario it's similar: When I was far from OK dealing with my issue and the raging case of PTSD that went with it I refused to let Kim get anywhere near it. She desperately wanted to help, to comfort me and to love me...I would have NO PART OF IT. I didn't want her anywhere near the subject..why? Because I think in my mind at the time I wanted to protect her from the pain that came with dealing with that particular THING. I was afraid if she got to close...IT might splash onto her somehow and change her. I didn't want her to change or be hurt by "MY PROBLEM"...I could handle it.
Don't know if that helped any or not...