Well, if nothing else, no matter what, I don't seem to have lost my ability to believe in the best, to hope for the best.
Dumbass (formerly known as Blockhead) stood me up Friday night. *Technically* I don't know if he actually stood me up. We had dinner plans. I reconfirmed the evening before. At 1700 I hadn't heard, so I texted, and he said we were still on, but he had some things to do first ... and at 1955, he called and said he wasn't that hungry, so he was heading to get drunk with the boys, but I was welcome to come watch that happen if I so desired ... I declined.
I was very deeply hurt, and embarrassed that I had let myself get my hopes up again.
In conversation with Red this afternoon, I observed that despite my varied history, at least I hadn't lost my ability to hope for the best and to believe it was possible; or else I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up.
And I think that is a good thing.
Some of my friends tell me that I have to stop believing so easily; that I have to guard my heart more closely; that I have to keep myself in reserve.
I say bullshit.
I am who I am. I feel, I love, I believe, and I hope.
And damn you life, I will not let you beat that out of me!
(Dear Universe: Please note that was NOT a challenge!!)
Side note: Yes, I have written Dumbass off as a learning experience. I will not be pursuing him, or trying to clarify what happened. If he reaches out I will not be petty, but I think I have learned that particular lesson with regards to HIM. Not to mention a couple of my friends will hit me upside the head with a Buick if I do.
Side note 2: Tonight on the news they were playing clips from Homeland, and in one of the scenes they showed Mandi Patinkin's character says to his daughter "You are the smartest person and the dumbest person I know." I laughed.
Monday, March 4, 2013
2 comments:
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I think the only way to go through life is with a sense of hope.
ReplyDeleteI'd say, consider yourself one of the lucky ones, where hope comes naturally to you.
Don't ever change. Except your clothes, change those every so often :)
I kind of think sometimes there are just practice exercises that reaffirm the stuff I've learned. If this happened to me, for example, I'd be patting myself on the back for knowing this time I wouldn't be asking for more of that treatment. (Because there was a time when I would smile and be "understanding" which would have enmeshed me into a longer relationship that eventually I would have to untangle myself anyway.
ReplyDeleteStill. Sucks that the guy is such a weed.