The date of the Wolf's return to this country is approaching fast. He put something up in his FaceBook recently about the number of days left, and it hit me like a punch to the gut.
I should be out looking for a home coming outfit, and fussing about the fact I haven't lost the weight I wanted to, and thinking about walcome home plans.
Instead I am wondering if I should go see him at all, if he will want to see me, if I want to see him.
His sister in law thinks I owe him face to face closure. A number of my friends think that he did not give me and concession, any face to face, any closure, any peace, and I don't owe him a damn thing.
Add to that the fact that, if I am brutally honest, he is a man who is larger and stronger than me, who is much better trained, mentally and physically, and has a drinking problem and anger management issues. He has twice been forced by the CF to take an anger management course. He said it taught him a lot, including some ways to intimidate people that he hadn't thought of before.
I am a little afraid of what he would do if we did meet. He knows how to hurt me, mentally emotionally. I am not completely convinced that he wouldn't also hurt me physically, if it came down to it.
He has been reaching out in little ways for about a month or so ~ I refer to them as "pings". Little comments on my FaceBook, quick e-mails, even an MSN conversation a few weeks ago. Nothing of substance, but more contact than there ahs been in quite a while.
Maybe he just wants his friend back. Maybe he has realized he was an idiot and this is a feeler to see if I might accept an appology. Maybe he really has no clue how badly he hurt me, and is just trying to carry on like nothing happened.
I am really trying not to let this eat at me. When he gets back in country I will actually be away; but they will, from what I have heard, likely keep him at the base for a while anyway before he actually is allowed to come to this province.
I will make my decision when one needs to be made; I will honour my own feelings, and my instincts, and of course, my dear friends, you will hear the events unfold!!
Take care of yourselves, and each other.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
3 comments:
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I'm not sweet. I say to hell with him. It seems to me that he is just lining up a stead piece for home use. He wasn't there when you needed him, if nothing but a comment that he was okay and how are you. In fact, he drove you to another, better dude. You trust you feelings, me I would tell him to shove his fucked up self up his ass. But then what do I know?
ReplyDeleteAll I can offer is... if/when you do meet up, bring a friend. Or two. For moral support or protection, whatever the need may be at the time.
ReplyDeleteYou do not owe him anything. Do you both need closure? Absolutely. But that doesn't necessarily mean you need to meet up alone and talk long into the night over a couple of drinks and end up back at his place. Maybe all you need is coffee in a public place with some friends nearby, a bit of apology for the way things ended up and an agreement that it's time to move on.
Idealist speaking... can you put off meeting him until Sebastian gets home??
o A dear friend of mine has a son who came home and is currently in a mental institution receiving therapy for his experience. I remember a gregarious young man who was swept away with the resolve to do something to insure the freedom and sanctity of his nation......who now fumbles with everything outside of his own reflection. War doesn't make the man......it breaks them.
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